Mom wants me to be the one to make medical decisions for her; not her husband. How to make this happen? - AgingCare.com

Mom wants me to be the one to make medical decisions for her; not her husband. How to make this happen?

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My Mom is married and aging.

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:-) Jeannegibbs. I did say it was my five cents worth.
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TimeOut ... No, no no! LOL, you've hit a hot button with me. ONE person needs to be in charge of making decisions, with a back-up in case that person can't/won't act. If more than one person is named and they have joint responsibility they ALL MUST AGREE before any decision can be implemented. If there are conflicting views, when a critical medical decision is needed is no time to try to work them out!

Mom can help avoid problems by being as clear as she can be in spelling out her own wishes in the health care directive. But no document can anticipate all possibilities and so she must name someone she trusts to make decisions in accordance with what they know of her own attitudes and beliefs. She has decided that that person is Chris. Deciding that it should Chris and her husband would play into -- not avoid -- the family conflicts.

If there is time, I would advice Chris to at least pay lipservice to listening to Mom's husband when decisions have to be made. To not shut him out. But to keep clearly in mind that Mom made this decision deliberately and it is Chris's responsibility to make the decisions. (If such a situation arises. Mom may be able to make her own decisions the rest of her life.)

Mom should visit an Elder Law attorney to see that all her ducks are in a row and all her decisions are written up in a way that will be enforceable where she lives.

Give your Mom a hug for getting things in place. Many of us don't really do that well!
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I don't know what the situation is here exactly, but my 5-cents worth is that it would be nice if you and her husband could take joint responsibility. Conflicting views in families causes such a strain on everyone involved.
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Visit an attorney. POA is for financial authority and often drawn up at the same time as a health care proxy. This paper has different names in different parts of the country. The attorney will go through many situations and clearly document your authority on a legally binding paper. Then, you just need to be sure to present it at the hospital or facility where your Mom is.
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To do it right, she needs a MOLST or POLST form signed by her MD. We found that out the hard way. A DPOA is no longer enough.
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POA stands for Power of Attorney. Also have your mom make a living will or advanced care directive, which indicates what she wants as far as care near the end of her life (extraordinary measures or a feeding tube for example). Depending on how old your mom is, she might want a DNR (do not resuscitate) order created and kept on file (by you) with her doctor, the hospital where she might go and on her refrigerator. Here's a good article about the whole thing: mayoclinic/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/living-wills/art-20046303 If they take out that link, just google Mayo Clinic and Living Wills.
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You go to a lawyer and draw up a POA. It's really not all that unusual for people to appoint the next generation as their caregivers, after all, spouses are aging too.
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