Mom now wants me to clear any outings or in person work meetings with her prior to me having contact anywhere with anyone. What can I do?

Even though an awful horse is bigger and harder to clean up after than a rattlesnake, I think I would prefer the horse kick to the rattlesnake bite.

Maybe you could not let what Mom says get to you as much. However, I understand how her demands could unsettle you.

Can you drive the RV away, or do you need to hook it up to a vehicle?

I take the pandemic very seriously- enough to buy a rv to live in while I'm here at my Mom's to make sure I can have a separate place to quarantine etc if need be. I keep my hands in my pockets in stores, I wear a mask w/o fail out of the house. I sanitize my hands every time I get in the car from any errand, I wash my hands upon getting home from every outing, I am very careful in every way.

on an equally maddening note, mom has taken each "heart to heart" conversation and gleaned points from it to accuse me of the same exact things our last heart to heart might have included, sometimes a year later!

I mean, I love her but it is a bit like having an awful horse, you know the mean one that'll bite or kick, not safe in the same enclosure with others etc, she's like a rowdy as heck appaloosa hahahaha

I am assuming that you are following CDC guidelines religiously. I know you would not want to bring Covid-19 in to your Mom.
That being the case, I will channel Ahmijoy, one of our favorite commentators here who used to say. "The answer is 'No, Mom, I cannot possibly do that'",
Tell her if she cannot trust you, and feels she might be safer in an extended care facility, then you will help her to find one, but that may be difficult in Covid times. Tell her that otherwise she will simply have to trust you to be the responsible gal she raised you to be.

What is reasonable is for you to wear a mask outside of the home, wash your hands and mask when you return and take extra precautions (like gloves) when pumping gas.

There is nothing that says that you must replace mom's hired 10 hours of help or comply with her out of line demands.

Tell her you are taking CDC-recommended precautions and if that isn't good enough for her, then she will have to make other arrangements.

Well, my mom lived with me during the pandemic. She was 86 and had CHF and we had to be careful about exposure. But we took a common sense approach. Wearing masks in public, keeping distance, hand washing, etc. I did not go to the extreme of, say, keeping all my deliveries in the garage for 3 days, disinfecting every little thing I brought into the house, etc; I get the reasoning behind why some people did that, but I think that was overkill. So far we have been successful in that none of us has gotten the virus - including my son, who works in a lab doing Covid testing, and my daughter who was at college during a major outbreak on campus.

My husband and I were first responders who were assigned to the World Trade Center site in 2001; my husband actually was digging in that rubble for weeks. And at the time our kids were very young and I was much more concerned about bringing in those toxins to them during that time than I was bringing in Covid to mom. During the WTC, when we came home, we changed clothing and showered in the basement bathroom, then brought the clothing we wore right into the laundry room next door to the bathroom and ran them through the machine. Then we came upstairs to see the kids. If you live on the same property, can you do something similar with mom? That is, to change your clothing and take a quick shower before you go and see her? I assume you have things you need to do for work, just as we did - sometimes you don't have the luxury to pick and choose what you're exposed to.
I think it's ok to have a heart to heart with mom and tell her what you think is reasonable and what you think isn't.
If she's genuinely concerned for her health, then do your best to reassure her; however, is this if a way for her to exert control (and I'm not insinuating this is the case, but some people are like that) then that is so not ok, and were I you I would call her on that behavior. And if she's doing it to exert control, then go about your business as you have been doing and don't feel guilty.

Good luck!!

Have a discussion with your Mom about your actual Covid precautions and hand-washing plans that you are doing, or are willing to do. It is your Mom who is the more vulnerable and needs some reassurance here. Don't lie to her.

If the two of you do not agree, (or if you are not able to follow stricter guidelines on her behalf), maybe you need to practice wearing a mask at home and keeping your distance of 6 ft.? Taking your temperature before entering the home?

You do not need to start 'reporting to her', like you said, these are crazy impossible conditions. You say these are things you have not thought about before. Do you mean that you are not thinking seriously about the Covid protocols, restrictions, safety measures?

Where did Mom get the idea that you are not washing your hands properly?

The whole Covid thing is crazy and ridiculous, but Covid is real, and you don't need to be the one that brings it home to your elderly mother, no matter what you 'believe' about Covid.

If there continues to be a huge difference of opinions and practices, maybe Mom needs to be more isolated and protected?

Hope these things can be worked out.

thanks for the answer, yes, we live on the same property in separate residences, although I often must interact with her regarding her care like bed changes, household chores etc.
She had home care workers coming in but now has let them go so I must pick up the slack.
I know it isn't fair that she replaced her 10 hour per week help to do housework with me, but I'm grateful for the chance to help.
It's just... she has made an unreachable goal of controlling everything that could possibly happen to, around, or because of any relationship she has.
She has always done this. I have always bristled at it.
Now it is a matter of whether she can stay in her home or not. She has repeatedly and consistently said she wants to age in place.
I am willing to go the extra mile, but she truly pushes the limit every single time about every single thing.
She's a vituperous rattlesnake...

Mom is not only being unreasonable but unrealistic as well. You have your own life to live and you do not owe her any explanations as to where you have been, what time you'll be home etc.

I don't know if you live in mom's house or if she lives in yours, but you can't stop living your life just because Covid is going on. Perhaps if she doesn't feel safe with you working and running errands outside of the house, you might want to suggest to her that you will find her a nice facility where they will take all kinds of precautions, including not allowing you nor any other family members in to visit for who knows how long. We'll see if she changes her tune then. And if she doesn't, then perhaps it's time for one of you to move out.(again I'm not clear on whose house you're both living in) Good luck.

Do you live together? I am assuming you do. If so, your mother cannot expect you to live in a bubble, virus or no virus, nor should she expect an exact accounting of where you go and who you're with 24/7. She can either trust that you're taking the proper precautions with regard to the virus, or other living arrangements need to be made. Either she goes to some sort of senior living housing, which is even WORSE than living with 1 other person, or you move out if you're living in her house. Or, you can 'forget' to tell her where you've been and who you've been with, or drastically reduce the exact truth with white lies. Whatever works and whatever suits YOU is what should be done here.

Many times elders get unrealistic with their needs and expectations of caregivers and loved ones. That doesn't mean you have to jump through ridiculously fiery hoops to make her happy.........because chances are, she'll just change the terms AGAIN once you do.

Wishing you the best of luck figuring out how to keep your mother calm!