Mom wants her life back. Can she give up services and get off Medicaid?


Mom wants to get off Medicaid. She does not like aides 24 hours we also have a person she like and we pay for 30 hr per seek out of pocket so she will be happy she lives at home I do meds and bills and handle problems and appointments however now she cannot leave her souse because she cannot get down her stairs of up the stairs. D=she has demential and gets confused sometimes she is coherent however she is not aware of the month has difficulty dialing a phone, changing a channel, forgetting things. But she wants her money back. I have POA I tell her she cannot use or get it back there is a 5 year look back and she does not want this anymore she wants to get these aids out and pay her bills and have her money and life back. Most important here is there is a person who is a relative that has taken so much from her already and he lurks around getting friendly with the help to appear like a nice person. I cannot visit the way I was because my Mother fights with me all the time about getting her money back. I am very concerned. She and he called some Social Service so she will get off Medicaid. Can they do that knowing her condition? I go there and make doc visits but now she cannot go because she cannot get up and down stairs ambulate will not take her up and down. I take care of her meds and bills and whatever is needed that the aids can't do. But this arguing is causing me much distresss because I know why she desperatly wants to do this. He has gotten her so smitten and it is just so sad. She gave up her wedding bands, and she loved my dad more than anything just to keep this mongrel around. I hope someone can tell me no department of SS can remove her from getting the help she needs. That money is there for needs and has a 5 year look back which I am responsible for. She is 93 and I do have all legal papers Irrevocable trust for the house and POA and Healthcare proxy all done years ago by a qualified attorney with all proper signatures and witnesses while everyone there. She was in her right mind at the time. Can she remove herself. PS she had cellulitis her legs swell and she gets blisters hospitalized 3 times last year with a recovery in a nursing rehab facility. Hope someone out there can help me I am in despair and always arguing with the one person I have always loved I am an only child and my mother has been with me everyday of my life and even worked in our businesss with her grandson and my husband for 40years. Thanks



Have you considered Hospice or Palliative Care for Mom? She seems to meet all the necessary criteria for being approved for such care. If you would, you will have to make very sure that all aides and other people who come to your home to care for Mom are aware of her “friend” who is there only to see what he can get from her. Or, move her to a skilled facility and don’t allow this friend to have contact with her.

Mom has been diagnosed by a doctor as having  dementia? If so, she cannot make any decisions to remove herself from government health care assistance. If no one has Power of Attorney, both health and financial over her, someone trustworthy needs to get it ASAP before she appoints this “friend” as one. Could you do it? Someone needs to be legally assigned with control of all of her finances. She can get a small allowance and if she gives that to this friend, she gets no more for that time period.

Finally, have you considered moving Mom to someplace easier for her to get in and out? We are in this situation ourselves right now. I can’t get my husband down or up our handicap ramp because he’s too heavy and it is too steep for me. We have a $30,000 custom built power chair sitting in our living room, but we can’t use it because it won’t fit through the door. BAD planning on the salesman’s part. If Mom was on the ground floor, you could get her to the doctor and get her some help, mentally and physically. I would also speak to an attorney about what this “friend” is doing to Mom. A lot of attorneys don’t charge for the first visit and you could get some good information on how to get this friend out of Mom’s life. He’s taking advantage of a mentally impaired person and there has to be some law against that.

Take charge and don’t put up with this any longer. Don’t fight with Mom. Unfortunately you will have to deal with a lot of this on your own. If Mom’s brain is “broken” as we often say on this site, she is not trustworthy to make her own good decisions. That’s why you need POA, to get all her and your ducks in a row.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Ahmijoy

I’ll bet you want your life back, too.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to BlackHole

Change the locks and notify APS of the abuse by the male relative
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to MsMadge

If she is no longer in her right mind, she cannot take herself off of things and they need to be informed of her state of mind if they don't already know.

Arguing/reasoning with someone who has dementia is a loosing battle.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to cmagnum