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Mom is 87 and was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia six years ago when I became her legal guardian. She lives with me and has home care help during the day when I'm at work.


My problem is that Mom wanders at night. She feels she has to go to the toilet pretty regularly. Whether she does or not, she still has the strong urge to go. When she leaves her room, she wanders the house, immediately gets lost, lies down on floors, pulls things off shelves, and I'm afraid will eventually do something serious to herself, my pets or the house.


So I've been sleeping in the living room. Problem is, the wandering has become a regular thing and goes on all night. I haven't had more than a couple of hours sleep in the past month. It doesn't seem to matter if we keep her awake and active all day or not. The night wandering will go on for some time and then stop for a little while and then start up again.


When she is wandering, she is also having serious mental issues. She identifies a pillow as a 'stairway to the upstairs' .. a quilt is dog... etc. She claims she can't sleep in her own bed because there are 'so many bodies there'. Its getting worse and worse.


I shut her door one night, (didn't lock it!) and she hammered on the walls until I woke up. Not sure why she kept yelling 'is there anyone in this building?'.


We can't afford the local assisted living facility or an all night aid. Does anyone out there have any experience with this or ideas?


Thanks. I don't know how much longer I can go without sleep.


BTW there is no family help available.

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I'd also discuss it with her doctor. Perhaps, a geriatric psychiatrist. Sometimes sleep aids can help. If necessary, I'd consider sleeping next to her or between her and her door, so you can awake when she gets up and direct her back to bed. If the sleep medication doesn't work, then you really are limited. That's why it's such a huge job to care for people with advanced dementia around the clock. I'd explore Memory Care, as it's doubtful that a regular AL would be able to manage the behavior you are describing. Payment would be what she could afford, not the adult children. I'd explore what if any state or federal benefits are available. In some states, there are funds to pay for those who qualify financially and by need for MC. I hope you can find something that helps you all.
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metaforic Aug 6, 2019
thanks. The memory care facility was going to charge about eight thousand dollars a month. I've called every single government agency in the state. I would love to find a facility where payment is what she can afford. There don't seem to be any. She doesn't qualify for hospice or a nurses aid so I'm stuck paying 25 an hour so that I can work. I'm driving on a freeway every morning after getting a few hours sleep every night so waking every time she wakes is not the solution. I am going to make an appointment with her doctor. I've talked to a neurologist who didn't sound very hopeful.
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metaforic Aug 6, 2019
Thank you! There were some really good answers on that post!
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