My 87 yr. old mother is very rude to people when we go out. What causes that?

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She treats restaurant workers poorly, rude to girls at dental or Dr. Office (ok to Dr.). Thinks everyone is stupid and doesn't do their job right.

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My 81 mother has a difficult time interacting with people when she gets frustrated. She has a tendency to whine and says rude remarks to the person who frustrates her. I do not take her out much anymore, too embarassing and I refuse to apologize for her bad behavior. The only place I take her is to medical appointments she loves it, makes her feel like queen for a day with no behavioral issues. Occasional luncheons are safe, but not to dinner she drinks too much which causes her to pour out the tears pity me routine. She has always been somewhat of a drama queen, but as she ages it gets worse.
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I am so sorry, you didn't ask for help you asked why.

I volunteered with a lot of elderly ladies over the last years in a social grouping for ladies. What I quickly learned is that their rule was that age rules all. If you were older than someone, it was your right to bully them. The eldest would bully the ladies cleaning up the cake plates without remorse. The younger the other woman was, the worse the bullying. During one of these kitchen sessions one of the oldest ladies (90's) entered the kitchen and berated the kitchen bully. She took the bullying with great deference. Seems to be some sort of a social ruling for some groups.
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When my MIL could still get around with me to lunch and doctor appointments, she liked to hug everyone. Another friend said her mom liked to hug children a bit obsessively. She solved that problem by taking her mom into bars for their outings. I was relieved to hear her problem, I guess we all have something to deal with. Rudeness I would probably handle the same way I handle the stranger hugging. I mouth an exaggerated apology while trying to move my MIL along. I like to have fun, so if I was handling rudeness to others I would say something lightly like "whoa, somebody didn't take their nice pill today" (while mouthing an apology in an attempt to make sure they don't spit in your food as well) or even "when we get back to the nursing home I am going to tell them that the charm classes are not helping" (while mouthing an apology to the victim). Doesn't matter if she still lives at home...
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