Mom is very confused and I don't know how to answer her.

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I just moved my Mom to my home (long distance drive) and my Mom thinks she is with me for a 1 week visit. The fact is her house was sold and I don't know what to say to her.

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Thanks for the advice. Later today she didn't say anything about a "visit" and said she is happy to be with me. She does keep asking me if her house was sold and I just say yes and nothing more. She seems more relaxed compared to when she was living with my abusive brother. She's not a victim in her own home anymore.

I told her (and I meant this with all my heart) that I'm so happy to have her with me and she said "but I'm a pain" and I assured her she is not a pain and no trouble at all and she answered "really?"

I know this is an adjustment for both of us but I'm really happy to finally help my Mom. :-) Jenna
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So what's wrong with a one week visit?

" mom, it's so lovely to have you here. How about staying a few more days?"

Is mom asking questions? If she's not, i wouldn't bring up the topic. Treat this "visit" like a visit. Only address the issue if mom raises it. Can you tell her a little therapeutic fib about there being some work being done on the house if she asks?
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You have taken on a tremendous responsibility and you are an angel. However when a child takes on the responsibility of caring for a parent, all legal documents your parents have created should be reviewed by an attorney. Do not end up in the role of caretaker only to find out an uninvolved sibling can make the final health or financial decisions because of previously drawn up documents by your parents. Only take on the care taker role if you have full control over all decisions. I learned this lesson while taking care of my mother.
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My Dad, who lives in a senior living apartment, he is staying in a hotel and wants to go home. I said different things to try to make him focus a bit clearer but nothing much worked until I asked him about the weather... right away he was back in the here and now.... so try to find a subject that your Mom loves to talk about to help re-direct her thinking :)
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Expand on Babalou's theme of telling her how much you enjoy having her there with you, begin having her help you with small things and help her feel useful, then gradually segue into asking her if she'll stay a bit longer because you enjoy her company so much and because it's so pleasant to have her there.
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I am assuming that your mom has dementia. If she isn't combative - then you are extremely lucky. I sold my mother's house and she now lives with me. There were times that she remembered and times that she didn't remember. As the disease progressed - when she spoke of her home - she spoke of her childhood home. So sad to see her decline.

My advice - you mentioned an abusive sibling - I have one also. To protect yourself and if you haven't done so already please get all legal papers, POA in order. I totally agree with caringson12; you need to be able to make all the decisions for you mom. Shortly after mom moved with me; we went to an elder care attorney. You never know what an abusive sibling will do or what they have already done with legal documents.

Good luck
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glad she has made a good transition!
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We are keeping mom's house and constructing a suite for her in our home. Our daughter is in the honor's program at her highschool. We have mom living in her suite during the school year and we will live at her house in the summer. Yes, it is not easy, but her joy of knowing she can "go home" any time she wants is well worth it. This living situation was approved by her doctors. They were quite thrilled. It is also prolonging her life. We have excellent doctors, a fantastic lawyer, and a talented contractor. All these people have been a blessing in helping mom during this difficult time.
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JennaRose: I would definitely go with the mindset to tell her "it's so nice here; why don't you stay a while longer?" That way "a while" can be an undetermined amount of time. Then see if she's forgotten all about "going home," which is quite likely to happen. On the downside, caregiving is extremely draining so you indeed ARE an angel.
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Thanks everyone! I met with an Elder Care Attorney a while back with my Mom who gave me POA of her financial and medical. I never heard of Advanced Directive before so thanks for that! I will look into that. My Mom has a living will which has my abusive brother on it and myself.

Anyway, my Mom told me today she needs to go back home to get her winter clothes and other things and I just gently let her know that I will take care of everything. Even though her house was sold I didn't go to closing yet because my abusive brother is refusing to move out. I am talking to a different attorney about starting the eviction process.

It's sad to see my Mom in the early stages of dementia but I'm very patient with her. She tells me that she's a pain and I reassure her that's she's not but a true pleasure to have her in my home. When she lived in another state I felt so helpless because I could only help her so much long distance. My brother wouldn't drive her to her doctors, wouldn't buy food for her, etc., etc. I used to order food to be delivered to her. Now I have been out shopping quite a bit and she has everything she needs.

I can't express the peace I feel that I can finally help her now that she's living with me.

Thanks again and if I have any more questions I will be sure to ask away. I'm open to all types of advice since I never dealt with dementia before.

Jenna
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