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My mother has healed after 3 months of rehab from 3 broken bones. She wanted to go home and the facility was pushing her out. After several weeks at home she now finds are ankles and legs are extremely swollen, and private pay care is $24 an hour on Long Island. She needs help and as her only advocate, I cannot be there 24/7. I may add she has been extremely depressed and anxious most of her life, and while in the rehab facility, treated my husband and myself as her servants with no thanks for anything. He has worked hard with an eldercare attorney who said she will more than qualify for Medicaid, spending down her money by fixing up her apartment and improving on it, for which she told him "she didn't need any of this!" The whole thing is more than I can bear. She's on blood pressure meds without a diuretic and today I will take her to her doctor to see what can be done, short of going back into another facility. Any helpful answers you have will be welcomed.

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Marcy, does your mother own her apartment? I wondered about spending down by fixing it, since she wouldn't be continuing to pay rent on it if she is on Medicaid in a facility. Does anyone else live there?

Sometimes elders can oppose major changes that seem less than how they see themselves. I know that I also have this awful feeling when I think of Medicaid. However, I am glad that it is there. If her leg swelling continues, perhaps you would be able to talk her into a short-term stay in a facility and continue to apply for Medicaid. Then if she needs to stay longer, she might be more open to it.

Is it the applying for Medicaid or going to a nursing facility that bothers her the most?
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choice 1 - follow attorneys advise for spend down
choice 2 - liquitade assets adn use funds to pay NH or AL whichever fits her from a medical perspective, when funds are used up, she will qualify.
there is no choice 3 were you give up your employment to be her servant. She can choose, but she is limited to these 2. Sounds like something is seriously wrong. if she wants the help, she needs to cooperate. I have a lot of eldely people in my family....they do not all get dementia, some people just get more stubborn as they age, so do not be afraid to be firm, and do not feel guilty for not wanting to give up your life to accomodate her desires.
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