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Mom, 92, has mixed dementia (mid-stage) diagnosed by a neurologist, in addition to her long-term mental illness issues. Nearly a year ago we had her placed in memory care at the neurologist's recommendation. She tells everyone who will listen she hates it there, despite observations of memory care staff who say she actually seems quite happy. Mom, IMO, is a narcissistic drama queen who isn't happy unless she's made everyone else as miserable as herself. She particularly despises me because I'm her POA and blames me for all her unhappiness; however, I have the full support of the family. Mom complains to anyone who will listen. This is not a consequence of dementia; Mom has always been a complainer and blamer. The dementia has just made it infinitely worse. According to Mom I'm uncaring, cruel, and controlling of every aspect of her life. She can't remember one day to the next but claims I neglect her, don't visit her, don't call, blah, blah, blah; which is gradually becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's true that I am pulling away for my own health and sanity. Nothing you do can please this woman. That being said, Mom's whining finally triggered an APS referral (We don't know who did it). I got a call from an APS caseworker who described her visit with Mom, asked a few questions, mostly about Mom's diagnosis and how she came to be in memory care. The caseworker observed how well Mom was cared for but said she was shocked at the degree of Mom's venom toward me, saying "You know your mom's really got it in for you?" and I'm thinking No s- - -, Sherlock. I volunteered information about the steps the family had taken toward a more comprehensive diagnosis for Mom, the frequency with which the family visited and took her out of the MC facility. I mentioned how Mom is furnished with a private telephone and modest amounts of cash to empower her as much as possible without compromising her safety. I was so gratified when the APS worker told me she wished more of her cases had such supportive families and said she was closing Mom's case that day. More recently, I got a phone call from a county long-term care ombudsman, who said she responded to a call from Mom (whom I found out later was directed by someone to a phone number posted in the MC community area). Apparently Mom complained to the extent that the ombudsman felt she ought to call me, so Mom furnished her with my phone number. (Mom's reading, writing, and planning skills are limited; however, for middle dementia she's remarkably articulate and well-practiced at complaining. Believe me, I should know.) So once again, I gave Mom's history leading up to MC; diagnosis, etc., described the steps the family has taken to make Mom's life as comfortable as possible. The ombudsman, like the APS caseworker, shared a little of her personal experience with her parent with dementia and expressed kindness and understanding. I encouraged the ombudsman to call back any time. Case closed. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Given Mom's persistence, are there any other agencies I might expect to hear from? At what point did your parent give up? I realize Mom does these things for self-empowerment and there's no real harm and in fact each referral produces a record of appropriate care by healthcare professionals. However, I have to admit these calls are beginning to irritate me, having to explain my actions over and over where Mom is concerned; feeling such scrutiny, etc. Mom can be very convincing. Sometimes I feel like having the MC staff remove her phone. Similar experience, anyone?

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Thanks, everyone. I'm just going through a hard time.
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Thanks, everyone. I'm just going through a hard time.
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I too would have her phone removed. But, you did come out on top. Not trying to be funny, but eventually Mom will forget how to use a phone. I think you have handled the situation well. I would back off too. Maybe visit once or twice a week. You don't need that negativity.
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You guessed it and you're right, have the memory staff remove her phone.
Problem solved.
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No similar experience at all. I just want to pat you on the back and hug you! "there, there, dear, it will be OK."
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