Mom tries to hit when we try to clean her up. Any advice?

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My mom has always been a difficult woman to deal with but with Alzheimers, it is becoming impossible. She has always also had IBS and now she wears diapers. she needs to be cleaned up several times per day but she's becoming more combative. Backing off does help most of the time but what do we do under extreme circumstances. We can't let her sit in diarrhea filled diapers for too long for her own good but it also smells to high heaven. The other day she insisted she did not have anything in her diaper and reached and grabbed poo and then asked what it was. Now she's refusing to receive help and she's got feces all over her hands.

Then yesterday, she quickly took off her diaper and flung her diarrhea filled diaper over the chair and it splattered everywhere, but she was actually still going to the bathroom and so it was dripping everywhere and as she herself tried to deal with it it got over her hands, hair and on everything as she was swinging her hands around to prevent any help. What are you supposed to do then if she won't listen and its something that immediately needs to be handled. In this situation the only thing that worked was holding her hands to prevent her from hurting someone and insisting that she is going to be cleaned. But it was basically forced and she only calmed down when she realized there was no way out of it. The living room was so filled with splattered poo that a clean up crew was hired to clean and disinfect. We are checking with her doctor to see if meds can help us with this combatitive nature but what is the right thing to do when backing off won't work for something that needs to be immediately addresses.

Thanks

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Thank you so much for your advice and support. It means a lot. It can feel like you are stuck in a bubble of internal muck. Very rough emotionally.
We do have in-home caregivers in 8-10 hours a day, but we have the caregiver step back when my mom begins to get combative...that's when we try to take over -- and then of course the rest of the time, when the caregiver is not there, it is up to family. We are doing our best to honor my father's wishes as he is still so very much in love with my mom, even with all of this crazyiness. After 64 years of marriage, and at 90 years old himself, he feels the need to protect her. And he would be heartbroken if she was no longer with him. It would literally kill him I think. We have done everything we can to fill up his life with family, and he loves talking to his grand kids, who come over to "their" side of the house every night to watch a movie and talk to grandpa. (it's sort of like a duplex but with indoor access), and that has helped him refocus his interest a bit, but my mother is still his world. He loves her as much as the day he married her. So we are doing our very best, but it's just been this Spring that things have taken are quick turn for the worst. We have a call into the doc and we hope that the chemical route would help. I just can't stand the thought of seeing my father be so heartbroken, he would cry every day and would never recover if we are forced to put her in a facility. For him, it would be the same as her death. It's all just so sad. I really hate it. :(
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I would first try the chemical route, if that doesn't help, then unfortunately you will have to consider other options....for her safety, your safety and not to mention having to call in a cleaning crew..... prayers for you alzmom, for your sanity and well being.... please keep us updated... this is something all of us need to know for our own situations.....
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Holy cow! That's awful! I used to teach autistic teenagers, so I know what cleaning up a large, flailing, resisting person is like. It's no fun, at all.
Do you have visiting nurses or personal care attendants come in sometimes, or do you do it all yourself? I agree with littletonway that it's time to place her in a nursing facility. I can see potential accusations of elder abuse if you inadvertently injure her while trying to restrain her. Old people bruise easily, and their bones are brittle. You really don't want APS coming after you.
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Definitely better meds, chemical restraint is kinder than a posey. I commend your courage and resolve. It may be time to call in Hospice, and believe me they have better meds than the family MD. They will make her comfortable and keep you sane.
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I agree with littletonway. Sometimes care can get beyond our capabilities. We are only human. Trained people in a nursing facility may be able to provide some relief for both your mother and yourself. The diarrhea and her combativeness makes this an unhealthy situation for everyone. Many good thoughts to you working through this.
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It might be time to consider other options for her care. The situation is not going to get better. Meds may work and then again they may not. Good luck!
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My mom was combative too. Father had the doctor prescribed meds to calm her down. The one pill was too strong. So dad would cut it in half and give it to her. She was still violent but not as bad as before. To prevent mom from touching her pampers, we struggled to put on long pants on her and then a below the knee-length dress. Mom could pick up her dress but couldn't figure out the pants. It took both of us to take her to the bathroom to "sponge bath" her. It's more like we had taken off all her clothes, have her stand in the middle of the bathroom, dad holding her hands tight in front of her, and me using the wash basin and scooper to literally douse her with water, soap her, shampoo her hair and then scoop water over her to rinse her out. We have a drain in the middle of our bathroom. So, we can pour water over her and not worry about the water flooding the floor. It just goes down the drain.
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