Mom constantly trashing me to her day caregiver person. Could use a little help? -

Mom constantly trashing me to her day caregiver person. Could use a little help?


Admitted straight out she "dislikes me most of the time". First, I like the day person. Second mom admitted saying this in front of her. Mom is at home in hospice for lung cancer. Have paid help (fortunately). It's not coming from her illness. Found out from a family member this was always the case. Kind of difficult that as Mom is getting close to the end, this is my goodbye gift.

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Don't judge your mom's feelings for you using the last days of her life. If she's on morphine for pain? What she's saying is drug induced...comes from her fear of the unknown journey she's on...not from her heart.

If the day person mentions this to you again, I would report her behind to hospice. She is so out of line, in my opinion, that she deserved to lose her job. Her job is to COMFORT. She has lost her way. In fact? If I couldn't get that conversation with her out of my mind, I'd request a replacement immediately and tell the service why.

As to the family member who seconded the self-respecting person in their right mind would pass along such information to you at this time. She is toxic. Keep your distance.

Try very hard to put this in perspective, even though I know it must be very difficult. Next time you see mom, give her a giant gentle hug and let her know you love her. WHATEVER you Do, DO NOT let these last days paint a portrait of your relationship.

Your mom, unless she is sociopathic or psychotic, or you have committed some TERRIBLE wrong against her, LOVES YOU VERY MUCH.
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I asked a cousin who grew up in the 4 family house we all lived in just to confirm what I already thought. There were things one of the night women would say (as if it was a good thing) but I just started getting a feeling Mom had issues with me going way back. I'm angry at the day person who brought this all to light. How do you decide I needed to know my mother who has turned my life upside down being the only family responsible for her "doesn't like me most of the time".
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Some people, when they are dying, push away the ones they love most. They are trying to make it easier for you. My Daddy did that to a certain degree with Mom. She would want to hold his hand or talk to him and he tried to push her away. I know he loved her.

Why would a family member tell you that she disliked you most of the time?
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Emily, hugs to you! This must be so hard.

First off, why would a family member repeat that to you? Ug, some things are meant not to be passed on.

Second, if mom has terminal lung cancer, is it possible that it has metastasized to her brain? And it IS her illness speaking? I would assume the later.

Avail yourself of whatever counseling/support hospice has for you, even if it's just to moan at the social worker for a bit on the phone. This is NOT FAIR and NOT YOUR FAULT. Cancer sucks.
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