This has been going on for as long as I can remember. My mom constantly picks on my dad. Anything he does isn't good enough. Anything he does isn't fast enough. If my mom asks, more like demands, that my dad do the dishes, if he doesn't get on it within a minute she will start doing it herself and during the entire process complain about how my dad doesn't do anything. The thing is, without being asked, my dad does the dishes most of the time. This happens about many things all day long. My grandmother lives with my parents. If my dad helps my grandmother with something, mom will mumble that he helps his mom more than he helps her. From time to time, I've stepped in to defend my dad. Of late, I've told my dad not to take it anymore. What happens is that it then spins way out of control with my mom screaming incoherently at the top of her lungs. A primal scream. In between shes lashes out that everyone is ganging up on her. Today my dad said he was sorry even though I don't think he did anything wrong. My mom screams back that it was too late for that.
After the yelling my mom crawls into bed and cries for about an hour. After mom settles down, I try to talk to her about how she can express herself without all the yelling. As long as I don't talk about the incident she is perfectly calm like nothing has happened. She even denies anything has happened just an hour ago. She claims not to know what I'm talking about. If I push it a little more, she starts to scream and yell "I don't want to talk about it." with her eyes close like a 2 year old throwing a tantrum. It's impossible to have an adult conversation with her. I said that to her to today and her response was that of course everything is her fault.
I can't stand it anymore. Dad is brow beaten. I've thought about having her see a mental health professional. I've brought this up many times and she throws a tantrum yelling that we think she's crazy. The big problem is that english is not her native language and I can't find anyone that speaks it within 150 miles. There is a psychiatrist in Sacramento that does speak her native language that says she can have sessions over Skype but I'm not sure that would help. To everyone outside the immediate family, mom acts like the perfect mom and like everything is wonderful in the family. It's an act. I think it would take a while in person to get to the point where she drops the act, if ever. Over Skype, I don't see her being very responsive. What to do?
Also, if possible, just call 911 on her and tell them that you have a situation where your mother is depressed, screaming in a rage, will not calm down and you are worried about her safety and the safety of those in the home.
If they haul her off, so be it. Her choice to act that way.
My FIL thought he would show off with all the yelling and fits and it finally escalated to where he took a gun and put it to his stomach. Later he cut himself with a knife. He got a nice week stay in a mental hospital. He is now in rehab at a nursing home. He can't quit playing mind games and demanding.
He's not coming home. He has blown all chances.
People don't have to live like that anymore. Get her help and out of the house before she goes off and hurts one of your family members and then her defense will be, "I just don't remember your honor, can I go now? Thanks."
She needs to get on some meds - or at the least, deal with her rage and anger, that is clearly not rooted in the actions of today, but from before - maybe even childhood. Unfortunately, she has to WANT healing.. and you can't force that.
To address some of the comments. My parent's are in their '70s. I don't think it's a hormonal issue at this point. It's also been going on forever, like since I was a kid. I definitely think mom would benefit from at least a mental health evaluation. I don't think she's bipolar since she doesn't swing from manic to depressed. Just depressed. I think she does suffer from depression and anxiety. She is on an anti-anxiety drug. That itself took years. She fought it all the way. The day we actually got a prescription she took one pill, waited a half an hour and proclaimed she didn't feel any different and thus she didn't need it. I took years to get her to take it regularly. Now she does but still claims it doesn't do anything. It does. Her anxiety has definitely dropped off. She cries much less often compared to what she used to. Getting her to see a mental health professional for more is going to be tough. I brought it up tonight. She says she doesn't want to. My dad is no help. He says they already saw a psychologist years ago and he said there was nothing wrong. I can see mom being in her act and pretending that everything is rosy. Psychology is in many ways a self survey. If you claim and act like all is well then how will a mental health care provider know any different.
I had another blowout with my mom tonight. My brother visited last week. He always forgets to turn the iron off after he uses it. I noticed a iron shaped burnt mark on the guest room table tonight. I asked my mom about it and she said that my brother did it when he was here. I said I would tell him to be more careful about turning off the iron the next time he's visiting. My mom's response to that was to say that my brother should never visit again. It's too much trouble. I asked mom not to make a big thing out of nothing. She said I was the one making a big thing out of it. I said I was being reasonable. She said that I always have to be right don't I? I responded by saying "Mom, don't do this." Then the tantrum started. I left.
Ignore her and leave the room. Or laugh at her and leave the room.
Keep a careful ear out to be sure that she doesn't get hurt...but ignore her.
She is seeking your undivided attention and using bad behavior to manipulate you. Do not reward it by leaping around trying to help her and make her feel better....it won't work anyway.
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