My Mom (81) threatens suicide when I can't get over to visit her. What do I do?

@ Eyerishlas
In order to put someone in an assisted living or any other alternate living situation you must have power of attorney to do so. Unless they are willing to do this themselves.

Actually I meant memory care/skilled nursing. Every place I visited gave me a form that had to be authorized by a doctor before they would allow her to move in. We live in Colorado. Does it vary by state?

I'm sure she does put on a show for the Dr. Or for anyone not close to her.

I don't understand why you need a Dr.'s note to get her into assisted living. If she's in a wheelchair I don't think she'd be eligible for assisted living, she'd have to skip it and go right to a nursing home. And you don't need a Dr's recommendation for a nursing home OR assisted living. You tour some places, decide which suits your mom best and sign the papers (there's more to it than that but it doesn't include a Dr.'s note).

Thanks all. I really DO NOT want to be held hostage to this. My brother is currently living with her and taking care of her the best he can (his children are grown and my child is very young). However, she is wheelchair bound and it is a lot of work for him. Aside from the amount of work she is mean and manipulative. I tried to get her into assisted living but her doctor would not sign the required paperwork. I think my mom presents an entirely different version of herself when I take her to the doctor. She is very hard of hearing so the last time we went to the doctor I told the doctor about her behavior and my concerns. The doctor told my mom she needed to quit smoking and that is about it. I am really exasperated. Am I doing something wrong? Also, my brother needs to get a job. He can't keep on like this. She is driving both of us insane.

Your mom says that she'll kill herself if you don't go over there yet she's refusing help? She can't have it both ways. She either wants help ("come over or I'll kill myself") or she doesn't want help.

Does she have dementia? Does she live alone? Does she have people who are caring for her when you can't get there?

Wanting to take someone to the ER and actually getting them there are 2 different things. Yes, if you can get her to the ER and get her to admit that she's threatening suicide she will be admitted but if she won't admit it or you can't get her there you're right back where you started.

The "I'm going to kill myself if....." tactic is very, very manipulative and effective. We think we'd better do as the person says just in case.....And we don't want that on our conscience. I don't know if your mom would actually kill herself or not but her request is manipulative, sneaky, wrong, selfish, self-centered, egotistical, and self-serving. Do you drop everything and go running? If so, that's why she continues to threaten suicide. What would happen if you didn't go running?

My suggestion would be to not go to your mom when she threatens suicide. If you can get her to the ER better yet. You can try 911 but they won't take her if she's lucid and refuses to go.

Do you really want to be held hostage like this?

That's a 72 hour vacation

Ah, we have been down that road. When mom said she wanted to go down that road, I told her "Stop taking your meds. It will all be over in 48 hours." When she said "I want to have a big heart attack" I told her "Make sure you sign the DNR" Don't let her bully you or manipulate you.
When mom announced imminent death, we sent 911 to the house.
Call her MD and report suicidal intent. She will get the 72 vacation in the psych ward and that should cool her jets a bit. She might get some happy pills and that would be a good outcome.

Next time she does that, take her to the ER and tell them she's theatening to kill herself. They should admit her for a psych evaluation. When they've done that, get the hospital's social services department involved. They will help you figure out what's best for her.