My Mom thinks someone is plotting her murder; everything I read says not to contradict her. Any advice?

My mother has delusions at time. Anytime it happens I tell her that things are okay and not to worry. However, she doesn't hear voices or see things. This makes her easier to calm. Does it work when you reassure her, if only for a little while?

I would talk to her doctor about this. There may be a medication that can calm her suspicions. I know they must make her fearful. I feel bad for her and for you. Has she been checked for a UTI? Even a small bladder infection can have big psychological effects for an elderly person with dementia. I hope that you are able to find some relief.

Sorry you have to endure this Kathy... for me, it's one of the hardest parts of being a carer for my mother. She also has those "kill me" delusions along with people in the house telling her where to go or what to do.... for the most part, I have started to find a semblance from what the TV is saying and what she says. Even if she's on her 37 mile pace around the house, her hearing is excellent. Seriously, they hear the TV and feel it's all pertaining them. The other day a program was on and a rabbit ran through the bushes (on the tv) for the next few hours she kept seeing a bunny running through the living room. Now, aside from dreams, I have no clue who those people in her bedroom are that tell her stuff.... normally I tell her they had to go home as it was late and needed to go to sleep and we will deal with their annoyance tomorrow. It seems to calm her.

How long has your mother been diagnosed with AD? What meds is she currently taking?

JesseBelle is SO correct... those UTI's are wicked on AD/Demetia loved ones not to mention on us!

Keep us posted :)

Have you talked about her delusions with the doctor who is treating her dementia?

General rule of thumb for caring for elders: any change in mental status should be reported IMMEDIATELY to the specialist treating them for dementia. In your shoes, if this started suddenly, I would go to the ER.

accusations of theft and impending murder are normal in late stage but the murder one is so unlikely that even the patient is unsure of that fear and may let it go with a little bit of calm conversation about it . my mom said i was trying to poison her too but it was clear that her better judgement didnt believe it , only her occasional delusions . she was schitzophrentic at that late stage and getting contradicting messages in her head .

If she's up many times a night, I'm guessing you are not getting up with her because you are sleeping. Is she safe as far as not turning the stove on or walking away from the home?
Calm reassurances certainly may work, but in the case of my cantankerous mother, after all of us putting up with endless misbehaviors on her part, I finally told her that if she continued raising this level of hell I would put her in a locked door Alzheimers unit. She told me I could not do that against her wishes. I told her she had been declared incompetent months ago. She demanded to know the names of the doctors who did this and I told her. Dementia or not, immediately after that, her attitude changed. That's what worked for me.

My dad had similar delusions. He was in a NH and in the beginning he imagined that there were bad people "out there" but he claimed to know who they were so he felt safe but it changed when these bad people turned on him (in his mind). I was the only person who could make him feel safe and the only person he could talk to about this. I felt as if his fragile mental status was in my hands. I would tell him that I took care of everything and no one was coming after him anymore. I also told him that I would never allow anything bad to happen to him. And because his delusions centered around the nursing home I would tell him that I had had a meeting with the director and that I felt very confident that he would be safe. I reminded him of how much I loved him and that I would never let him stay in an unsafe environment. A discussion like this would usually calm him down and make him feel better.

I don't believe in contradicting someone who has delusions. I think it's disrespectful and can only worsen the situation. Your mom believing that there are people out to get her is her truth, that's her reality. We don't have to reinforce the delusions but we shouldn't dismiss them either.

I just added this to another thread but it is so appropriate here:

I am happy that you wrote in and happy that I have just had an experience that might help. My mom has complete short term memory loss. And, in addition, she was getting really weird emotionally. She was paranoid with a capital P.

She has been in AL only for 6 mos. and they suggested that she go to a special clinic to have her meds adjusted. These clinics are called "senior behavioral clinics"--or something like that. They kept my mom for ten days and gave her a good "tune up." The result? She is no longer paranoid and seems quite content. She is getting much stronger anti-anxiety meds and also memory meds. And I no longer dread visiting her.

I think these clinics are a real miracle. They exist because we need them! The alternative is to go to the doctor every two weeks for a year or so trying to get the meds right. And the adjustments will be made on what we report--not on what an expert observes. We are not experts. So, my advice would be to talk to your family doctor or a geriatric doctor and find out about this. Your mom may well need anti-anxiety meds even though she has no memory loss. Lucky for you. The memory loss is a huge problem that causes much friction in a family.

Good luck and a big hug!

Don't ignore this, sooner or later she will call 911 and accuse you of something awful. Call the MD Monday morning and get her in for a full psych eval. Medication may help, but if it does not, consider memory care.

I agree with Pam. It was awfully hard to have the police at my mom's home when she accused me of stealing her car. She also called the Area Agency on Aging. Fortunately I had beat her to the punch with the police: I told them she would call and report a theft, and she did.

But I didn't even know there was an area agency on aging--so uninitiated was I at the time. They were wonderful and understood right away what was going on. They asked my mom if they should come and evaluate the situation for themselves. She agreed--and now she lives in AL--just what she had not wanted to do!

If your mom can use the phone,you should have all your bases covered. This is a deteriorating disease. It gets worse, not better.