She is on Medicaid. She is NOT going to ever leave the nursing home. She has schizophrenia and mild to moderate dementia.
She cannot live alone although she did well on her own 7 months ago. She needs 24/7 supervision. She is depressed in the nursing home. She is well taken care of, but she is much more functional than most of the other residents. She's pretty well functional except she loses her sense of reality. She thinks her sons and grandchildren have move to different states for weird reasons, etc. I, her primary care giver always get the question, "when am I going to leave and go to the other home ?" I just answer when the doctors say you can. The constant question about leaving is getting to me. Any idea as to how to handle it?

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I would keep the answer pretty simple and consistent without additional explanation that will fall on deaf ears. Say something like " We are waiting until the doctor says you are safe to go home. Next time we can ask him."
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Reply to MACinCT

I have a mother with major Dementia at home with me and my husband and a brother in a nursing home due to stroke that left his left side paralyzed. They both chose me to be their POA over the other 2 siblings.
The mother is starting to occasionally demand to go home and the brother constantly talks about needing to work on his car, fix his water pipes in at his dilapidated mobile home as if he could do it.
With that said, from our experience the only thing you can do is verbally go along with them. Don't try to argue with them! It will just ultimately make things worse. So you're doing good there. We tell the mom that this is her home and if she says it's not then we ask her where she wants to go home to? She will just say I just want to go home. So we say ok mom maybe tomorrow. Of course tomorrow comes and she has forgot all about it until the next time. As for the brother, we listen and try to avoid having to actually answer him. We just go along with them. Then say when ever the doctor says he can. We just can't seem to destroy that hope that's inside their heads so let them believe it unless the day ever comes that we have tell them that ain't gonna happen.
Anyway, I feel for you sooooo much, because as for me and my situation, I really don't know how much more I can take before I have a nervous breakdown and end up needing care myself. Mom went from moderate stage to major-major stage in just 6 mths. The really bad thing is we have no one to help us by maybe keeping her for a day so we can go do something w/o her.
It's so bad........... but I love her and promised I would take care of her myself until she absolutely forgets who I am OR gets violent with me again. Yes, she hit me 3 times one day when she had another UTI(which I think will ultimately be what takes her life because she does not remember to wipe front to back)
Any advise on how to keep them from getting UTI's and I'm all ears!

Take care and may YHWH richly bless you and yours for you trying to take care of the one that brought you into the world.
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Reply to Cateyes

Looks like ur Mom declined pretty fast. My Moms decline was monthly. When they say "home" it could be where they were raised not necessarily the last one they lived in. Doesn't the NH have activities during the day?
LTC is not where we want a parent to be but with your Moms health issues this is the safest place for her. Were you there everyday when Mom was on her own? I bet if you look back, the signs were there. Couldn't reason with her. Took her longer to process what you said to her. She could have been sundowning and u not know or realize thats what it was. I was lucky, my nephew lived with Mom but it came apparent that she was beyond what he could do for her.

Dementia only gets worse.
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Reply to JoAnn29

Mom, this is the best place for you right now, I don't want to talk about it any more today - then change the subject. But I think you really need to work on your own feelings about this so her continual asking doesn't keep pushing your buttons because unfortunately she might never stop.
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Reply to cwillie

What changed during the last seven months?

How old is your mother?

Are you yourself satisfied that this NH is the best option for her?

What is being or could be provided to meet your mother's need for interaction and stimulation, given that she has a wider range of abilities than most of her fellow residents?

You are already handling her "when I am going" questions correctly with an open-ended answer. I'm sure it is getting you down, and I sympathise; but perhaps that's because you're still internally thinking of this as a real conversation instead of as a kind of little verbal dance that you and she go through, like "nice day isn't it" or "how are you I'm fine how are you."
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Reply to Countrymouse

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