My Mom thinks people are stealing. Any advice?

Follow
Share

The way she watches everyone that comes in is very frustrating. I have her every other week. I try to do the housework and things I know she likes, but these little things gets to me.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
7

Answers

Show:
My mother loves negative news stories, but seems to trust everyone, and believes all the "sob stories." She doesn't trust me though! And she made me her POA, I handle everything financial for her now. It stinks having all the responsibility and getting none of the trust. I have spotless records of all transactions, EVERYthing is completely transparent and legit, not just because it's the proper way to handle things, but because I may need to cover my own a-- at some point.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Pamstegman - we had to do the same thing with my ex-husband's father when they moved in with us due to his terminal cancer. Towards the end, his mind was very bad due to lack of oxygen to the brain, so there were all sorts of accusations of theft, prostitution (me), alienation of affection (my "putting a spell on" his wife so she wouldn't pay attention to him), etc. He was very controlling in his younger years, and never allowed his wife to handle the checkbook or money - he would dole out grocery money each week, and that's all she was allowed to have. We had to finally stop that, because he wouldn't give us money to pay the co-pay on his meds or medical bills, which became a problem. We finally started giving him a bank envelope to keep in his shirt pocket (his normal practice was to keep all money in there) with several ones, a couple of 5's and a twenty or ten...it worked. He just needed to feel like he was in control of the money. Same thing with the beer - he wanted a beer one night, but because of the meds he was on, that would have been dangerous - so I suggested we give him a non-alcoholic beer - - that worked too. Gave him the taste of beer without the alcohol and didn't affect his meds.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Im2bizzy, they do indeed gorge on those TV stories - and then take individuals they encounter on complete trust. My mother got a classic phishing email - Nigerian nurse needed cash to complete her studies, please help - and not only swallowed it hook, line and sinker herself but also passed it on to her sister, a doctor, who rather sweetly wanted the girl's postal address so that she could send her a cheque and was puzzled when no such address was provided.

Both of these ladies were graduates. Both were managing their own finances at the time. My mother, at least, was an experienced internet user. It never even crossed their minds that the "nurse's" story might not be 100% true.

I digress, though. What I meant to say when I saw the headline of the post is that as a rule of thumb, if an elder makes a complaint, it may well be the elder being daffy but it can never hurt to check. Make sure things aren't mysteriously going missing before you assume she's imagining it. Clearly that doesn't apply to susie56 herself, but in other situations "just because you're paranoid…"
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Paranoia is very common in people with dementia. My dad used to think people were stealing his clothes. We have to find that fine line between buying into the paranoia ("who's stealing from you!?") and dismissing it outright ("Oh hush, no one is stealing from you for heaven's sake!").
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Older people feed on crime news coverage like piranhas, believing they are potential prey for every bad guy out there. That's why they live barricaded in their houses. How about when your turn arrives each time, you make a big point of going through her purse with her to count her money, check every window and door to show her they are secure, and basically create a show for her to reassure the security of her situation. If you can get her to quit watching TV news all day, that might help, too.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Our mom is just the opposite, wants to carry a checkbook and lots of cash, but has no idea how to handle it safely. She is in Assisted Living and has no need for more than $40 at any one time. We give her singles so it looks like a big chunk of money.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

My parents also have a trust issue where they think someone might steal something from them. This started back in the 1970's when a dividend check was taken from their mailbox.

Even when I take their car in to get a State inspection, they have to empty the inside of the car of everything, like who in the world would want what they have in their car. It's somewhat comical.

Any workmen who comes over, my parents are hovering over watching like a hawk.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.