Mom thinks her granddaughter is coming to assisted living and spending the night with her every night? - AgingCare.com

Mom thinks her granddaughter is coming to assisted living and spending the night with her every night?

Follow
Share

Grand daughter lives 3 hrs away and works. Mom thinks she is coming every nite and spending the nite. Some nites she says she is there and in the bed asleep when we all know she is not. Some nites mom sits up waiting on her. No one can convince her that she is not coming. Granddaughter has tried telling her she has to work and cant drive 3 hrs to work every day. Mom still thinks shes coming and will wait up for her all nite. HELP!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
13

Answers

Show:
Mom was just to the dr last week and was cked for a UTI and it was clear. She is already on b 12 and the labs for that is normal. She has a huge stuffed bear that she used to sleep with after my daddy passed away to fill up the bed. She has put the bear in the closet so her grand daughter can sleep with her.. It comes and goes. She just started this again recently. It had been months since she said anything about her grand daughter being there and then out of the blue, shes talking about it again. Wish I knew what triggered it..
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Once they get something in their head, there is nothing you can do to change their reality. All you can do is go along with it. My Mom gets something in her head that is so far from reality.. but to her it is real and I have to play along until she moves onto the next crazy delusion. Bless her heart though she can't help it.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I have said this a million times and will say it again..... go to their world.... they do not live in ours anymore.....and apparently trying to 'convince' her isn't working.... hope you try some of the suggestions here.... and if she sets up all night, well, that's ok too..... if she is not able to take sleep medications, how about something for anxiety.....???? Hate to say that chemicals are the answer because they are not.... have you ever tried laying down with her and telling her you will stay until the GD gets there.... ???? I used to stay in the bed with Ruth until she went to sleep.... she just needed the assurance of someone close to her.... they get afraid, just like we do..... and are unable to articulate it, so it comes out in behaviors that drive us up the wall with exhaustion..... have you tried putting lotion on her hands or feet BEFORE she starts this??? Don't wait until she is already in the 'loop'..... the 'loop' being when they get a thought or need and it goes on and on....try to distract before it gets started.... we have to be very creative to help our elders have some quality of life....

Hope something suggested here by others helps.... I know how frustrating it can be...... but trying to 'convince' her is never going to work.... she doesn't see it that way.... let us know if anything helps...
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

JUst a thought. Maybe mom needs a companion to sleep with. How about a doll or stuffed animal dressed in real baby clothes from the thrift store. It could be named after your grandaughter. Or, how about a dog or cat? I have a large, very soft bear. When im very upset I sit and hug him. He gives great hugs!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

From what you're saying, I'd sure want to have her tested further for dementia. I do wonder if she has a UTI because that can cause very similar symptoms. My heart goes out to you because I deal with this on a daily basis. Even when you agree with them it doesn't help sometimes. It's so hard. I've tried everything, and sometimes nothing works, and I just have to say that's the way it is, and walk out.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My mother had a stroke a few years ago, as well. She was recently diagnosed with early on-set dementia. The problem with some stroke victims is that the original stroke can hide symptoms of dementia for a long time (we didn't even know she had the underlying dementia until just recently). Then it's almost like the flood gates open and a whole lot of crazy starts to seep out.

The first signs we had were the random stories. She would tell me sometimes that she was still in WA state, when she was in UT...and would fight to the death about it. After that, she had some hallucinations and a lot of "time travel" (she would think she was still married, or that I was 5 yrs old?). We have gone downhill since the hallucinations and random periods of her life.

I wouldn't waste my breath trying to tell her GD is not coming down or staying there over night. (I've tried to reason with my own mother and it just leads to me getting angry/frustrated...yet she never changes her mind) I wouldn't worry too much about her staying awake all night in a nursing home, if it becomes a serious "she's NEVER sleeping problem" - either her body will force her to sleep OR the nursing home can medicate her.

I would TRY to talk to her, but good luck since it seems you already tried to talk to her. (IMO, if it were my mother...I'd let her do her thing until she "got over it" and let it go)
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

littlejo, I wasn't suggesting that you tell her that Granddaughter can't come because she is working third shift -- but that she is coming later, and Mom doesn't have to wait up for her.

If Mom has to stay in bed because Granddaughter is there (in her delusion) is that so bad? And if it is necessary for her to get up now, tell her that GD can stay in bed alone and get up when she wants to, and that Mom can get up without her.

You are not going to convince her that Granddaughter isn't coming, or wasn't there, or isn't still in bed. Go along with her belief, and encourage her to go to bed or get up or whatever is appropriate anyway.

This kind of delusion is common in dementia, but can occur for other reasons, too.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I have tried telling her her grandaughter has to work 3rd shift and she never believes me. She told me this am that her granddaughter was still in bed and that was why she hadnt gotten up yet. It was 10:am and she is always up by 8 am. I told her that her grand daughter was already at work and she needed to get up and get ready for the day and she hung up on me.. I know the dr says its all from the stroke but I swear, its just like dementia.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Whatever the cause, your mother is experiencing a recurring delusion. What she believes is her reality and you will not be able to reason her out of it (as you have discovered.) Have you (or ALF staff) tried something like, "Granddaughter is working late tonight, but she can take care of herself when she gets here. You don't need to wait up for her." ?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

It sure sounds like some of the behavior my mom has, but she does have dementia. Sometimes strokes cause vascular dementia. I hope you can find an answer. I know all too well how frustrating it can be.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions