My mother has been experiencing depression and anxiety last 2 years. She was calling from Florida that she can't handle my father. We ( brother and sister) had trust set up for parents money. Have taken over banking ( bills). We made 4 trips in 5 months to evaluate and hire home health aids. Mother fired them X 2 after we left. Moved parents from Florida to PA to be able to help. Parents chose and bought in Independent living situation. Moved parents to new independent arrangement. encouraged participation in many activities Had 5 hours daily care for father, so mother could have time to participate i Bridge , Church , Shopping. We visited frequently. Had them every weekend. Dad died 3/14. Mom was depressed and anxious. We requested she seek help. We took a family trip without mother 7 months after dad's death, Mom 87 with walker not capable of trip and tour Mother bought airline ticket and had a cousin drive her car to Florida. House there taken care of by caretakers. She left the day we were to return from trip. We agreed if that is where she wanted to be Fine. We flew down to make sure all was well. She did not bring key to house could not put heat on in house when it got cold . Didn't know how to work the TV remote. We were frightened to leave her but she was belligerent and saying hateful things about her being independent and we were trying to take away her independence . She wants to " die in Florida". So we left. She is forgetful , repeats herself constantly. I suggested again she seek Phycological help. She has given away money, lots of money. She is physically capable of taking care of herself but questionable mentally. She started hateful statements and argumentative behavior in December. We begged her to come home for Christmas. She at times is delightful and happy but for the most part can't remember thing we told her. She told us she saw a doctor and he said she has the mind of a 25 year old . There is always some neighbor or friend who has a drama going on with their children. We hear it every call. She called both my daughters in tears that My brother and I are stealing her money. My one daughter does all her bills electronically and is on her checking account . She looks over my mothers spending and bills and tries to keep her in check. We all looked over her accounts and saw nothing out of place. Mother insisted she go to a lawyer and seek help with the matter. We agreed . Mother went to lawyer who conference us on a call. Lawyer suspects dementia . But gave no direction on how we can help.
She calls me and everyone at least once a week crying that we are greedy and can't wait until she dies to steal from her. From what she tells me is still going to church daily and having dinner with friend. She told me she would call the police if we came. She is not going back to PA . We are lost . We don't know how to help her and she is very good at being normal at times. I cry every day I can't help her or comfort her. We have suggested everything you can imagine. A care person to check up on her anything she wants. She wants to sell property in PA and not come up for settlement . We have set that up. She wants me to get rid of all the furniture and clean up the place for sale. We have begun to do this. She called today and want to change her will and give money to church. My parents had already given over $100,000 to church. my mother gave church another $20,000 in the last 3 months. We don't care what she wants to do with her money after she is gone but she needs to keep it for her care now, and considering genetics, that may be a long time. My mother had an Aunt who acted the same way. Paranoia and aggressive behavior. My mom took her to Florida and had her placed in a nursing facility . Aunt was there for 12 years. My mom's aunt caught the kitchen on fire trying to cook. So there was no question about taking over her
care. Her Aunt exhibited all the strange behavior my mom is doing now. But we were told we had to wait until she was a danger to herself or others. Is this the same case now? My Aunt burned herself in the kitchen fire before she called 911.
Screamed in the ER at the top of her lungs to get the police when my mothers brother came to help. Screamed that he was stealing her money. So it was quite easy to have her declared incompetent and have her placed in guardianship .
What do we do ? We are at a loss. HELP!!!