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3 or panties pads and depends but is not incontinent. Stage Alz is moderate severe stage 6. Wants to go 24/7 but won't associate with the other residents. She is challenged with the phone as well but it's phone not her she picks at her back and has sores we put meds on but she will go scrub it off because it will get on her clothes but won't let it dry as we ask She is insistent she can get her own place and get a car so she can run around sleeps in straight back chair will NOT sleep in the bed.

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Ohm she thinks she can live by herself because she has dementia...her brain is broken beyond repair.
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Why are you even asking a "why?" question about a person with dementia? You will never get an answer, so stop trying to find one. Just love her for the time she has remaining and be satisfied she brought you into this life.
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She has got to the stage where she can no longer reason so there is no point in trying to talk to her just tell her.
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She can insist all she wants...her driving days are over & living on her own is done too. Ask doc about medication that might calm her.
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My 83 year old mom refused to believe she could not take care of herself. Her doctor in front of all the kids explained that she was in danger to herself doing it. It did not help. After getting really sick and in and out of the hospital I got guardianship over her. She is in assisted living now and still some days wants to go home. She can hardly use the phone or TV remote. I am afraid it's just the process of dementia. I try not to worry about it because that will not fix it.
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I had this very question a few years ago about my Mother. She thought she could take care of herself, drive, etc. Here is the explanation I got from ALZ association: Think of your brain as a four drawer file cabinet - the bottom drawer is your memory 0 - 18, the next drawer is 19 to 30, the next is 31 - 50 or so and the top drawer is 51 to the present. As the file cabinet fills up each drawer is filled accordingly until the top drawer starts to overfill. What happens when your cabinet is overfilling? You start to pile your files on top of the cabinet - when the piles get to tall (beginning of ALZ/dementia) the files begin to fall behind the cabinet. You can no longer access the files and those memories are lost. As ALZ/dementia progress, the files in the lower drawers "lock" and you cannot access those memories. The last drawer contains the youngest years of life - what happens in those younger years? You can get your Drivers License, date, take care of yourself, be independent. How did you feel at that age? You had the world by the tail and you could do anything! This explained where Mother was at in her "file cabinet" and why she thought she could do anything. She was VERY upset when we had to tell her no, she could not have the car keys, she could not take her herself anywhere or travel alone.
I don't know if this analogy helps but, it sure did make the "light bulb" go on in our heads and explain alot! Best wishes on your journey.
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Where is she living? She sounds as though she needs a higher level of care, and perhaps some meds to calm her.
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Got it! My mother has AD and is about the same level. Very difficult time. You are wise to see what's happening and get support or at least prepare for the next level. So must I. Prayers are sent your way for remaining strong.
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This is a very difficult and frustrating stage for the person with dementia and the family. At first it is manageable, because although they forget somewhat, they at least understand the explanations and live with it. There are very few people that welcome being taken care of 24/7 after having independence for all of their lives, so that is understandable. As I say, this stage is the most difficult. They can be combative and stubborn and nasty. As some others have suggested, have a doctor prescribe some meds that will calm her down. You don't want her "out of it" completely, but enough so that she is manageable by the staff who must take care of her. And for you, the family member, you need to accept, accept, accept. Whether you just want to educate yourself on what is, or pray about it, or seek a support group, you need to let go. I have my mother in a dementia wing of an assisted living facility. She is 100% incontinent, in a wheelchair full time and sometimes speaks and sometimes just sits there. But it has been 6 years of getting used to the idea of how this disease works, that there is no rhyme or reason to a person's mood from one day to the next, and that eventually, they will lose that part of themselves that cares enough to complain in the manner you are referring to. It takes time, patience and understanding. Good luck with it
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My mother has been in a NH nearby for two and a half years and has spent every minute of that time sitting in her room, refusing to have anything to do with residents or activities, just plotting her escape back to her former home, being totally hateful and demanding. She's had parkinsons for 15 years, numerous strokes, hip fractures and increasing dementia for a very long time.

I don't know what stage she's at now, but she's skin and bone, eats next to nothing and is pretty much bed ridden. As she's so very weak the tantrums have recently stopped. When I visited yesterday she looked like she was coming to the end of her time. We've never been close, not even friends really, and I don't know what I feel ... just sort of going day to day in a vacuum/no mans land waiting for the other shoe to drop.

My eldest cat is 16+. I've been nursing him along for some time. He's in no pain but he can't go any further so this afternoon he will slip quietly across the Rainbow Bridge. Sometimes I think we're kinder to animals than we are to people.
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