Mom is 83, lives in a newer home, new car etc. Her health is pretty good these days except UTIs and weightloss. Mom has events daily, cards, lunch, church, etc. I do things with her 1 to 2 times a week unless I am sick. I also work 3 days. My out of town siblings call her daily. I do things for her, fix computer, drive her around etc. The woman is never happy. It wouldnt matter what I do. She tells siblings all my business, acting deprived. Dads been gone for 6 years and she still uses that to get sympathy. I babied her, tried to teach her a little independence with no results. She thinks she's the only widow and getting so self absorbed. I am 62, been a widow for 16 years. I made myself get used to being alone and try my hardest not to ask for help from anyone. I never asked her for money or anything. I started seeing a male friend about 3 times. She wants to know all my business and calling me constantly acting like she has sat home for days. Seems like she wants to make sure she comes first in plans instead of him. She pretends she wants me to find a partner but she doesn't. I more or less gave up on any relationship. She judges, bosses, and wants me at her becon call. I dont understand how mom could demand attention and get so selfish. She makes me feel bad about myself. I am so depressed and feel so alone

My sister and bro will visit few times a year and she changes. They baby her for a week and go home. It's always about her. I am so depressed, I can't make her happy and don't want to any more. Sometimes I feel trapped, I'm getting so I can't be bossed, or belittled if I don't agree with her.

I used to be a food server. Mom reminds me of one of those holy than thou ladies that got on my nerves. She can do some things she just doesn't want to. Things are building up. The last 6 years has taken its tole. My health has been affected, BP, thyroid, panic. I cant sleep. I fell like the family doormat. I find myself wanting a drink, travel, scream, have fun I tell my siblings how I'm feeling, but I can tell, they expect me to be the one because I am single.

I wish I could be my siblings. They get to go home to their lives. They don't have to watch her decline etc. I know she won't be around much longer. I feel bad but I am starting to think about myself... nobody else is.

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The power to change this is all within you, and act you must. Stop telling mom your business, she can’t talk about what she doesn’t know. When she becomes rude, get off the phone immediately, or if you’re there, leave. You don’t need to make excuses or justify yourself, no one deserves to be treated poorly, even if it’s from an elderly mother. She has a life and it’s up to her to live it. Time to set boundaries and go live your life. There’s nothing wrong with telling your siblings that you have a life to live also. It’s not selfish or mean. The only person you can change is yourself.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Daughterof1930

Mom cannot do this to you without YOUR permission. Define and live within boundaries that do not compromise your life/needs on the alter of your mother's wants.

Set times you will visit Mom - say once or twice a week for 2 hours. Use that time to take Mom where she wants to go or do errands for her. When the 2 hours is up - leave. Don't talk about any part of your life you want to keep private - including who you are dating.

Ignore Mom's phone calls - even block her number - when you are busy living your own life. If you don't feel comfortable blocking her number because she may need help, then setup a monitored number/service that she can use to get help quickly.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to TNtechie

No one else is going to put you first; self-preservation needs to be Your job.

It sounds as though your mother is very self centered. Perhaps even narcissistic. Are you at all familiar with Narcissistc Personality Disorder?
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn

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