My mom tells me that the facility aides hit her and make her fall.

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How can I tell what is real and not! I know and have read about facilitates being abusive. Both of my parents are together in the same facility for dementia dad is always crying mom has outbursts.

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Based on what I have seen, the staff in long term care facilities are very hard working and dedicated people. While there are always some bad apples, there are many safeguards in place now days to protect seniors and those with dementia.

When people have dementia, they sometimes cannot tell the difference between reality and fantasy. My LO has always told me that the staff at her AL and MC are good to her. She loves the staff, but, she has told me things that are not real as well. Like a local tv weatherman came to visit her or that her doctor slept on a couch in her facility. She even told me a few times that a snack vendor came and took her out to eat dinner on a black horse.  (These things totally did not happen, but, she liked it, so I just let her enjoy herself and don't correct her.)

I hope they discover what happened with Mswyr's mom.
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Reality, TV and dreams all become one thing to a person with Dementia. Mom was watching Diagnosis Murder one day and told me Dick VanDyke wanted to talk to me. She felt the people on TV wanted her to do certain things. I would tell her she was watching a TV show, she'd say "Oh yeah". She also saw a little girl alot. Now it's "where is the baby". And she goes looking for it. If your Mom is "acting out" there are medications that will help with that. Mom is on a pretty mild one and I have seen a difference. She was hitting the aides and becoming combative after a hospital/rehab stay for a UTI. This is something that should be checked out. The AL should be able to do a lab test with a doctors order right there. In the elderly, there are no signs, like burning, when it comes to a UTI. Usually a personality change but with Demential that's hard to see too.
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mswyr01776, it is not unusual for an elder with memory issues who is living in a nursing home to make up stories of being hit, etc. In their mind they feel the more stories they tell of abuse, the quicker they will get out of the nursing home so they can come live with you. The elder doesn't understand that they need this higher level of care at a care facility.

I remember my Mom [98] who had late stage dementia, which was caused by a serious head injury fall in her own house [she refused caregivers or even to use a walk]... she thought Dad could quickly catch her if she fell.... well Dad was in his 90's and it would take him 5 minutes just to be able to stand from a sitting position.... [sigh]. Well, Mom was making up stories about my Dad, how he would hit her, etc. I knew Dad would never do that. Mom had excellent care at her nursing home.

My Dad later moved to Assisted Living, and he loved it there. Had zero complaints as I would ask him "is there anything you wish was better here", and he would say "no".... he was happy as a clam. He had sundowners.
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listen to your parents behavior is a huge indicator of what's real, just like with our babies if they showed the same behavior we would know something was wrong. Imagine being mistreated in an unfamiliar place looking for you family to save you & it never happens. I am an EMT, I have done way too many 911 calls out of nursing homes due to abuse & neglect. I have aging parents & it has made it almost impossible to place my own parents. It should not be this way. caregivers abuse the elderly all the time, we love our parents and get burnt out imagine how these people treat them when they get sick of our loved ones! It's a job they really don't like to do. crying is a human response to something that makes us sad,scared,causes pain, and anger can be a result of the same. check into body cams and monitors or place them elsewhere. God Bless
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One of our family members go every single day different times never the same-I will talk to the head of nursing and address this issue. I feel mixed about this she had fallen a lot at home prior to her admission to this facility my husband feels she may be mixing up times of things that have happened.
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I wouldn't ignore her, but, I would explore what she's saying in context. What level of dementia does she have? Does she say other things that aren't true? Many dementia patients do, since they may not know what is real or what is a delusion.

Many facilities have video recordings of the common areas of the facility. Maybe, they captured her fall on video. Also, there should be a report of how the fall occurred, if the staff were aware of it. I also learned that sometimes, a senior can fracture a bone even if they don't fall, depending on how brittle their bones are.

I hope you find some answers. Please post the outcome.
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Facilities hate falls! They are not good for their reputation. Making residents fall doesn't seem likely. (Although individual workers may not share the facility's concerns.)

People with dementia like explanations for things they don't remember/don't understand. Mom fell. What caused that? Certainly not the fact that she wasn't using her walker. Not that she stood up too quickly. Not that her balance has deteriorated from the dementia. Oh, someone must have pushed her or did something to make her fall.

mswyr01776, I feel sympathy for you! Certainly if there is abuse going on in this facility you don't want to ignore it! You need to protect your mother and other residents. But it is probably more likely that Mom's dementia is mixing things up. What should you do?

How often do you or other family members visit? As well as being in your mother's room, do you spend time in community areas where you can observe other interactions? What is your impression of how aides treat the residents? Do the aides seem to have enough time to do their tasks, or are they hurried and often frustrated? I'm sure you are not going to see one hitting a resident in front of you, but do you get a sense of irritation or patience as you see interactions?

My mother said things that didn't match reality while she was in the nursing home, but she never made accusations, so I haven't had to face this. I THINK I would have a chat with the director of nursing (or medical director) and explain the situation. I would say that I know that what persons with dementia say is not always accurate, but that I wanted to bring this to their attention. I wouldn't make accusations.

I'll be interested to see how others have handled this.
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