Mom (95) lives in ALF is telling my daughter-in-law that I'm telling everyone in the family that no one likes her - AgingCare.com

Mom (95) lives in ALF is telling my daughter-in-law that I'm telling everyone in the family that no one likes her

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I would never do that plus she is legally blind and is deaf (wears hearing aids) but continues to buy televisions - then she can't see them to she gets rid of them and a few months later wants to buy another one - I try & explain to her that they are all going to be a problem to see but she refuses to listen - I think her mind is going but have no idea where to begin. She treats me terribly but everyone else she treats very nice. I am the bad guy all the time - my brother visits maybe once or twice a month and of course he can do no wrong. I am losing my mind over all of this

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First, it's not your mom talking it is the dementia. It might take time but try to get your mind around that fact. Her brain doesn't just go all of sudden and you see that she has dementia, it goes little by little sometimes faster or slower than other times. It's only going to get worse. It's not that your mom refuses to listen to you about the TV situation, dementia makes it impossible for her to understand and retain the information. Second, depending on what kind of relationship you have with your daughter-in-law, have a conversation with her and let her know how you feel about her and help her to understand what dementia does to normal human interactions. Maybe she will become your ally. You might have to have these conversations repeatedly. If other people in the family aren't helping with the care of your mom, or even worse are making it harder for you to care for her, you might have to shut them out. As to your brother, it must hurt to see her treat him one way and your badly even though you are doing all the care giving! When my parents were divorcing I lashed out at my mom even though my dad was obviously the bad guy. A counselor once told me that I did that because I knew that my mom would love me, truly and forever, no matter what . So I could feel safe venting my anger and frustration on her. Maybe that is why your mom is taking her anger and frustration out on you? I can't even hardly comprehend how it feels to go through the process of dying from dementia but it must be scary, frustrating and infuriating. It is also possible that your mom favors your brother simply because he is male. That is definitely an ingrained cultural bias. Not really her fault, nor your brother's fault. It's not fair to us females but something that we must acknowledge.
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Sounds like dementia to me too. Save the box from the TV and repackage it next time and give her the "new" one. More importantly, read all you can - start with "The 36 hour day" so you know what to expect.
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I deal with the same behaviors at times. The most difficult part for me was waiting for the rest of the family to catch up on what was happening with Mom. She was such a competent, smart and funny woman before dementia took over that everyone would assume the stuff she was spouting was really the truth when it was just paranoia talking. It does not get better so the only way that I could handle it was to grow a pretty thick skin. As time goes on the family does realize it is the dementia and not me doing "sneaky" things. I am her caregiver for goodness sakes - no one else wants to do it that is for sure. So they can just support me, shut-up and if you do not like it take her into your home.
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Sounds like dementia. My dad is starting with it now, he has some moments of clarity, and then sometimes entire days of confusion, he gets everything he remembers all mixed up, days, dates, where he is, what he does, what he has, what people say. He gets paranoid, thinks people are going to hurt him. It could be your mom is hearing something you say and associating it to her personally rather than something you might have said about someone else or even an item in her home. My dad does this. If I say how's lunch, it looks pretty good, I don't like fish, but it does look good. He's capable of saying I said I didn't like him. Also if her problems are really obvious then surely the rest of the family is fully aware she's capable of saying anything. Good luck and hugs to you.
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my mom draws about 2100.00 per month, has medicare and UMWA insurance...does anyone know how they would pay toward assisted living care for my mom who has dementia...she is still able to take her bath, clean her house, she just has a problem with short term memory
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My mom suffers from dementia and she does me the same way...I am all she has, she tells everybody I take her money, I am mean to her, which is not the truth..I do have to take a firm hand with momma because if I show any compassion she uses that as a way to hurt me. I have one brother also, and he cant handle her at all...sometimes she is glad to see him, sometimes not...she still blames me for everything...but nursing homes are so expensive....we all need prayer and help...she tells everyone, that she never sees either one of us, even though, I stop after work every day and try to spend time with her on the weekends as well
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