My Mom talks to herself out loud so I hear the things she thinks about me, she accuses me of being lazy, selfish and blowing money. Any advice?

She won't change. Expecting her to be grateful for all you're doing for her, and to treat you nicely is like expecting a horse to moo. It won't happen.
Put her in assisted living, or a nursing home, if her medical condition needs careful monitoring. Otherwise, you'll wear yourself out from lack of sleep, and from catering to her.

It is hard to be old, and lose control over your life. Maybe the answer is to step back, and ask her to do more in the household. Give her back some control and responsibility. Then thank her for her help.

Family relationships are so complicated. Sometimes people hold back the very thing that is most desired. In your case telling you have grateful she is. Do you ever tell your Mom, how the mumblings hurt you? She may be unable to express her gratitude and love. She was born during the depression, very hard tmes, she might have been abandoned or neglected. Do you know her story? Do you tell her how much you love her, how grateful you are she is living with you? Maybe she feels like a fifth wheel, and is lashing out at you in her own defense.

I forgot, move the monitor to another room, so you hear her movements, but not the mumblings

Oh darling, that's awful. Just awful. You poor thing. I started out thinking "well at least she's not going behind your back, then!" but of course there's nothing funny about it.

Look, you're taking care of your mother because YOU are a nice person, not because she is. My heart sinks that you're not getting a fair reward from it, such as appreciation or a mellowing of her attitude; but if you were going to let that stop you taking care of her you wouldn't have taken her in in the first place, would you?

I don't know what to suggest. Pretend she's talking about somebody else? Or, to yourself, contradict her (don't waste your breath arguing with her) - when she says something unfair, tell yourself the truth of it. E.g. she says you're lazy, you say "I work hard to take care of my family. I am a hard-working person." Set the record straight in your own head.

I'm sorry, this must be very painful. Hugs to you.

First of all, LOSE THE BABY MONITOR! Even nursing homes don't have baby monitors. I had one for mom, and it drove me batty. Woke me at all hours. Her talking to herself or sleep talking . . . no. Take it out. Want to give her something to call you in the middle of the night? Give her a whistle.

theresa, it doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong. You're mother is just discontent with life. When we do so much for them, our loved ones can start seeing us like an extension of themselves. Often we get blamed for things. If the bathroom is not clean, we should have cleaned it. If they can't remember how much money they have, we must be mismanaging it. If we are not doing things for them, then we are being selfish. The boundaries between us and them become blurred. So she probably isn't truly mad at you. She is just mad at the circumstances that have dulled so many of her abilities. Not all older people do this, but many do. The one closest to them is usually the one to catch all the discontent.

I don't know if there is a way to cure it. We can ignore it if we realize it isn't about us. If they will let us help, we can do things if it is caused by depression or boredom. A depressed, bored mind is the devil's playground. Sometimes finding something they enjoy doing goes a long way. (This is easier said than done, since many older people lose interest in doing almost everything. Sigh.)

If your mother is a typical 85-yo woman, she should still be able to do some things around the house, e.g. dishes, laundry, dusting. Perhaps she would like to do church events or go to a senior center for companionship. We can have so much on us already that taking them extra places can seem like a pain. But if it makes their lives better, I think it is well worth the effort. It is a bit like taking children to sports and community events -- so much better than having them sit home all day.

What would even be better if she had a good friend who drove. I wish all of us caregivers had loved ones with best friends. That would make our loved ones and our lives so much easier. Too bad they don't sell best friends on eBay. :(

I would definitely get her an Rx for Celexa or Zoloft or something similar. And if she won't take them, I would.

Thanks everyone for all the helpful answers, I brought my Moma in with me because I DO LOVE HER and truly want to be close to her but maybe she's not capable of loving me at 50 anymore than she was when I was 5 :( But God knows my heart and that I will just try to ignore her hateful ways, it must be awful to live so NEGATIVELY. Plz just pray for me yall :)

I would wonder if your mom is suffering some cognitive decline - the start of dementia. That sounds very much like the kind of stuff she's rambling about. If you knew it was because her brain is somewhat broken, it might be easier to bear. You're an angel for your mom whether she realizes it or not. And I agree with getting rid of the baby monitor. Hugs to you.

Your profile states general age related decline. Maybe she is beginning to develop some dementia. And if so, it will get worse. The solution, ignore it and get the baby monitor out of her room. Sounds as if you may be doing too much. Mom shoulkd be doing as much as she can for herself or her dependence on you will only increase, making your life more difficult.

Wow after reading this post this I have come to accept that my mother is doing this out loud talking about me (mostly negative) and talking to the dog OMG. Shes telling the pet what she is doing on Saturday night shopping. This is another issue she wakes up at 10AM - noon and stays up all night. She is only 70 and in good physical shape. She takes a lot of supplements kinda way too many natritional supplements. All memory pills, weight loss pills. I thought she could benifit from a therapist but she thinks she is smarter than the therapist. Its tough to simply ignore her babbling and talking to herself when I'm helping her. I guess I will try to limit my exposure if she cant snap out of it. I really dont think she will get better, its getting worse, Alien ships are under the Ocean and the stories are very good fiction but disturbing to others and grand children. Any tests I can see if I could schedule?

Weight loss pills could contain some things that might be causing your mom's crazy stories/beliefs. Can you check the bottles and then google the ingredients? Or take the list of supplements/pills to a pharmacist to see if it might be causing her behavior? I'd trust them to know more than doctors about what she's taking and possible side effects/cross reactions.

Does your mom live with you? I hope not if she's 70 and in good physical shape. I have been known to talk to my pets, so I don't think that's so wacky (at least I hope not, LOL). But the off-the-wall beliefs and sharing those with grandchildren is more problematic. You could ask her doctor to do an evaluation for dementia, but it sounds to me like your mom could probably pass that at this point. I'd try to rule out physical causes for her behavior before I tried to get her mental status evaluated.

My mother does the same thing! Talks about me, then I confront her and she denies it. I would replace the baby monitor with a caregivers call button. You can have them buzz or just flash if you want and they are on Amazon (they don't cost that much)

I too struggeled with ignoring her. Now I just go in another room and shut the door. I will not engage her and I know it's all not true so I know it's hard but you have to do that for yourself.

Get her checked out by the doctor, as people noted. Because you need to know if there is some help for her or if this is the way she will be. It will wear you down if you don't find out.