My Mom who is 89 and lives with us keeps talking about wanting to go to a rest home.

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She is in pretty good shape for her age. She is in wheelchair and needs help with meals and personal care. Her mind is still very good for her age. I guess my question should I explore this option or ignore. Her finances are very limited

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Home Health Care service is the best option for elderly who are not getting proper home health care. With home care services patient can live independently and happy.
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Regarding Medicaid, apply and see what happens. Nothing you do now can change what was done in the past anyways, right? The sooner you get the paperwork rolling the faster she will be approved.
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Yes North Carolina will look back five years and assess a penalty period. See http://info.dhhs.state.nc.us/
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Nursing homes now have meal choices, activities, hair salons, game rooms. She should visit a couple, especially if she has friends in any nearby.
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I am checking out a rest home close to our house.She would need to apply for Medicaid to help cover the cost. Question if anyone has had this experience 5 year
lookback for this benefit. Property she had was in my name and hers since my Dad passed in the late 90's In 2011 when she was being treated for bladder cancer we put it all in my name so she has no assests will this keep her from
getting Medicaid.
I have talked to her and she thinks it will be easier for me and that she will feel less lonely with others her age.She is depressed and unhappy and if this will help??Taking it one step at a time
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She is probably being a typical mother and not wanting to burden her children with her daily care. My mother was never able to accept my help when it came to toileting "cleanups" or personal things of that nature, but willingly accepts it from strangers. I suspect that is probably the reasoning behind your mother wanting to go to a nursing home, and if it will put her mind at ease you should not ignore her. I would want a say in my future and in who cares for me.
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The part about remembering what parents did for us and our obligation to honor them has some truth to it, of course... and yet, like the common advice to not ask for an easier life but instead ask for strength to handle the hard things in life, it has to be qualified...As in NOT WITHOUT LIMITS. Not without boundaries. Not when the caregiver is being destroyed by it. Letting your parent destroy your life or your marriage does not honor them. They raised you - or should have raised you -not as slaves to themselves and to the past, but for the future, for living your own life and for giving life to the next generation. Very, very few people if any on here are just mildly annoyed or bothered by the difficulties of caring for their parents and wanting to weasel out of a reasonable degree of obligation. Most people are here because they desperately want to do right, but past and present circusmtances and sometimes consciously made decisions of the one being cared for make doing what they really want to do, what they really think or thought they were supposed to do, impossible to continue. We even had a situation where the elder was comitting child abuse and the caregiver had to ASK whether she still "had to" keep their elder at home....the answer was not just "you don't have to" but "YOU CAN'T."

My parents were not close, defintiely not my best friends, though they loved me - in their critical-concerned (mom) and detached but proud of you because mom calls the shots (dad) way - but understanding and emotional support was never something they had to offer. Nevertheless, I was an only child and it would have been wrong to not assume the responsbility for my parent's finances and care. But it might also have been wrong to try to care for either or both of them at home when they needed much more than I could have done and Mom in particular did not even want that. I hung in with her, while hubby was supportive but could not physically do that much with her care or mobility needs, favored gransdon would visit, and criticized grand-daughter decided to keep her mental health intact and largely stayed away, though not entirely. It would have been wrong not to do the part we each could because we could not do it all, or to do nothing but find a facility and leave her there because we could not do it all, even though that's kind of the way my mom was - if a relationship didn't always go her way, she'd pretty much cut it off. I missed a lot of good times with other family because Mom was like that and it took way too many years of adulthood behind us, looking back, and Facebooking to re-establish what connections we do have now.

Anyone for "do your best, let God do the rest?" :-) Try to do your best to save guilt for the things you really do wrong, not the things you did the best you could but didn't manage to live up to someone else's unreasonable expectations...or your own.
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I will definitely keep you in my prayers. Only you know her best. I completely understand how you feel. I believe that you will do the right thing and want her to be happy. You are a good person. It's normal to feel guilty. Sometimes I still feel guilty now and then when I do things without her. We can't be there 24/7. So we do the best that we can. Don't worry too much. Things will work out. They always do. And most of all pray. I do believe that prayers can move mountains and for God all things are possible. Have a wonderful Sunday. :)
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I enjoy my mother being with me most of the time but she is the one who has to decide what she really wants.I do the best I can for her but she always tries to make me feel guilty when I have to leave her for some reason. That is where the tension comes in. I still have to do what I have to do for the rest of my family but the guilt does come.I know she is old and can't help what is going on in her life.I never say a thing when I have to clean her up or clean up after her.I just want her to be as happy as she can be with what is going on in her life.Continue to pray
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Hi Madeaa,
So sorry if I offended you in anyway. I know that there are many parents out there that are not the way we would like them to be. That is very true. Nobody is perfect except in my opinion God. I was just trying to share my experience with my parents so that maybe Jimmylinn might be able to decide what it best. Only he knows his parents and what should be done. For me my parents are my parents, but they are also my best friends because they love me and understand me no matter what. I don't doubt that you are doing the best that you can. I wish you all the best.
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