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I was arrested for theft of property. My mother with the help of my sister threw me out of her house. I was her full time caregiver and I have been falsely accused of stealing from her. My mother has early dementia and I was seeking professional help for her. My sister would not help me the entire time I was caring for my mother which was over a year. I did not have any help. I did everything myself. Now my sister wants to step in and criticize what I did. She and my mother were not even talking for the past six months. They are now close and have isolated me. This is very hurtful to me after I gave up my job and now I have no job or income. My teenage niece is in on this as well since I took my car back after she had two wrecks in a five day period. I have done so much for my family and this is how they repay me.

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Dysfunctional, dysfunctional, dysfunctional. Either cut ties with these people or set up really strong boundaries.

Coming from dysfunction myself, I can tell you nothing will change until everyone is willing to admit the problem and seek help. You will run around being hurt, they will make you crazier, and nothing will change. I speak from experience.

They have given you the gift of an out. How could you possibly want anything to do with these people.....ever. And when things get tough, as they probably will, and your sister comes around whining about you not helping, remind her of the "little incident" of being accused of theft. As I am going to remind my brother of my mother falsely claiming I wanted money from her and am not to be trusted.

Their chickens will come home to roost.
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Make an appointment with the DA office and go in and explain your situation "off the record". Anyone with experience will have been here before and understand that there can be weird circumstances. If the DA refuses to see you, ask for a public defender and have them do it. Chances are that the DA will send out a social worker to assess the situation, and most likely will drop the charges. Unless your mother is willing to testify that she actually saw you steal something, a DA generally doesn't like pushing a case that can't be won. And even if your mother is willing to testify, a DA is most likely going to look at this as a family matter unless you've been in trouble before.
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you have to convince the cops that shes crazier than you are. i have the hardest time with that. they end up flipping a coin. ive been lucky so far..
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Try to see if you can get a good lawyer pro bono, or one that is willing to be paid if he wins, there are some good hearted lawyers out there.
Just because you were arrested, does not mean it will go to trial, charges can be dropped. A good lawyer may negotiate that.
Your profile states the primary ailment is depression. Hopefully you have a diagnosis of dementia to support your position. If you provided a letter of resignation to your prior employment were perhaps you mentioned the reason for resigning was to care for your mother, or if you have a boss willing to state you were gainfully employed and you resigned, that would add credibility to your story. If you can convince a good lawyer, you may get them interested in pro bono.

I do not know how it works in criminal court, but in civil court you countersue for legal expenses. I think in criminal, you follow with a civil suit for expenses....not sure. If mom is not cognitive, but sis figures out you are getting a good lawyer and that you will be going back at mom (her inheritance) for legal fees, and she knows the charges are bogus, she may get mom to drop rescind the affidavit.

I am not usually a big B, if someone falsely accused me and I was arrested, I would be turbo B. Augirl, it is time to go turbo, take care of the problem, and if this is truly a product of dementia, forgive your mom, but do not go back to caregiving.

Best of luck,
L
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Augirl, your sister will soon find out that Mom is losing it. As much as I tried to tell family there was dementia, they denied it until they saw it for themselves. Now we compare notes " what did she tell you" and we all have different reports. You should qualify for a Public Defender, plead not guilty and when Mom is on the witness stand the judge will see her confusion for himself, the manipulative behavior will come out very clearly.
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Augirl, If your mother is showing signs of dementia and her memory has gone down the toilet, then she could be telling your sister that the ONLY reason she can't find things has GOT to be because you're stealing them. From my point of view, your sister could either be being duped into believing her mother, or she's been waiting for a way to oust you and get control of mom's finances. You have to decide which scenario is the right one. Either way you're right, extricate yourself from this and get a life away from the drama. Good luck.
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Thanks for everyone's input. I was and am the only person in my dysfunctional family. Yet I am the crazy one. Lol. I do see this as a way out from all this drama because all of my life with them has been drama. I believe 37 years is too long. I really find this forum very helpful to me and see that I am definitely not alone.
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I meant that I am the only person in my dysfunctional family to get therapy. Yet I am the crazy one. Lol.
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Thanks for everyone's input. I was and am the only person in my dysfunctional family. Yet I am the crazy one. Lol. I do see this as a way out from all this drama because all of my life with them has been drama. I believe 37 years is too long. I really find this forum very helpful to me and see that I am definitely not alone.
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That is very typical the one who does the most gets turned on.. The siblings who don't live with her, don't have any idea about dementia.. An if they are anything like my siblings they refuse to get educated.. I have lived with my mother for the last six months with dementia and truly believe that you have to live with them to understand. The stress will literallly kill you. It put my dad in an early grave and I really felt that I was next.. Now we have placed her and she is raising all kinds of hell.. I wish I could get the hell out of dodge and never look back.. Good luck and focus on you now, let the others have their turn. Look at it as a way out for you..
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I didn't mean to hit "Submit" on that note, lol. Sorry.

It sounds like a very unhealthy situation. First it was you and your mom, now it's sis and your mom. Unless the entire family goes into therapy I don't know what you can do. If you want to live a sane and healthy life, separate yourself from all of this. Take care of your responsibilities but don't become a party in this merry-go-round.

I would be hurt too but what can you do? Beg to be your mom's caregiver? Put yourself at the mercy of your sister (and niece)? You've done your part, you took good care of your mom. Maybe it's time to move on, get a job, and not be a part of family drama.

I know, easy for me to say. But what are your options?
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You need a lawyer. That your mom has dementia should work in your favor. Take care of the legal situation you are in and get the hell outta Dodge.
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