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A couple of weeks ago my 90 year old Mom started to cry as I was getting ready to leave after a visit. When asked what was wrong she said she just loved me. I live 15 minutes away and see her 4 times a week. She did the same thing with her nurse 2 days ago. When asked what was wrong, again she said that she loved me. She has had 2 mini strokes and does have dementia. She receives excellent care at a skilled nursing facility and aside from these episodes and a failing memory is doing great! Has anybody else dealt with this and if so, how did you manage? I have tried reassuring her and making her laugh, which worked in the short term.
Thank you in advance.

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Many thanks!!!
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Monty, if she is a religious person, a visit from her priest/rabbi may help her. I think some anxiety meds, low dose, might help. Also ask the neurologist if this is a pseudo-bulbar effect from the stroke.
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Hi there! My mom is on anti-depressants, which are helping her tremendously as she gets through that time period. Ask your dr. about this and discuss ALL the facts with the dr. Mom didn't do this when she was younger, but started after her brain anurisum and our fathers death. The stress of all seemed to have started this, and as she got older, she began to stress more about all the little things. Calling us at 3am, thinking she was missing her 3pm appt., not eating unless we sat there with her, cooking or bringing food to her, making sure her home was clean, and taking her meds. She began to mix them up as we had them sorted by day and time, she thought it would be ok to take them whenever or by the color! We all explained that she could not be doing this as that is not how they are to be taken. She didn't like that but after taking her meds she realized that we had them set right. Takes LOTS of PATIENCE, and reminding ourselves that they are not doing this on purpose , they are just not the same as when we were younger. Glad that this has given you some info that may be helpful, remember to take care of yourself too, and know that you are not alone in this. Smile and remember those fun, happy moments that you enjoyed with her previously. I have to do this too. : ) mzlinda
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They are anti-depressants, which make her sleepy. My mom is 79 and since dad passed away 4 yrs ago she has been showing these signs more and we weren't sure if it was her high blood pressure or an aneurism starting again. Nice that its that simple and her brain doesn't have to go thru more stress and we could possibly lose her too. So when the nurse explained what it was and why I was elated there was help for her. Enjoy those kind of moments when you can see the goodness in something! Again, take care and know your not alone in this, we are here to help when we can and smile with you too! Thank you for letting me know that this may have been of some value! mzlinda
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Sundowners? they are not sleeping pills or antidepressants, are they? my mom does not take any meds at this point (89 years old), vital statistics very healthy, but she does get the sad/depressed feelings/cries I feel when she is tired and at later hour in the day. I also see that her memory is much better in AM than PM... I'll check in to the sundowners (never heard of this)...
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Hi there! Ask your moms dr to see if its possible that she may be developing "sundowners". I found out that my mother had been having the issues as your mom as she was leaving the hospital after having a hemoragic stroke. They explained this is more pronounced as the sun goes down- hence the name. She would become agitated easier, cry, and start picking at her clothes or the table cloth or little things close to her fingers. I hadn't realized until then that this had been going on for quite a while as mom also had a brain aneurism 9 years ago. But we were never told that this might happen or to mention this to her regular dr as we just took it as another step in our mom getting older. The hospital gave her some medicines that she takes just as the sunset starts, eats supper and by that time her body is relaxed and she doesn't go thru the stress on her brain. My mom also is getting dementia, both thru heredity and her brain injuries. Hope this helps. Right now mom is in a skilled learning facility and is getting her strength built up. Take care of yourself too, as this can makes us worry that we might be doing something wrong. Your not, but again I would encourage you to talk to her dr.
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Thank you all so very much
The great thing is that Mom laughs easily and is easily distracted. She apprwciates appreciates silly which is something that I never have a problem being. We have to laugh. All the best to you and yours
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YOUR KEY WORDS...MAKE HER LAUGH. My mom has a bit of it all...Parkinson, Dementia and Alzheimers and half the time I cant figure her out. But I can let you know I am sure you know certain things that will turn the switch off that sometimes she just can turn off on her own. I can distract her with sweets, or I chat with her about growing up, since she has short term memory loss. Its not wrong for her to be sad but you dont want it to linger for her and it could be the start of her new normal. Try to think of something to say as your leaving so she is not thinking about being alone. Kiss, Kiss "Mom dont forget when I see you on Monday be ready to beat me at crosswords....or...is there anything special I can bring you when I come back?, think about it mom for me and let me know, or we should go shopping soon make a list of things we need to get and where to go?
and try and get out quick so shes still thinking of that conversation not being sad and missing you. I know your happy since I came here to visit you silly, is something you can say if she gets sad when your with her. When my mom cries I tickle her and say what do you want to do thats fun? Distraction is key with dementia! Dont blame yourself for not being there enough because it never will be enough for her and she will stop remembering when you came last. My mother is someone totally different than the woman that raised me and it tears me up daily when I'm with her or even think of her. It's certainly not easy to keep her happy but I will never stop trying to do so. I hope you find the answer that works for you and yours! God Bless!
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My mother has started to do this. She isn't depressed. She's getting more sentimental. Actually, I find myself crying, more. I'm not depressed but the situation with Mom sometimes just tires me out to the point where I feel weepy.

So, even though Mom wasn't one to cry, she will sometimes cry because she's happy,too, and never did that, before. Similar to the last post, I mean. Sometimes, I think she cries because she's glad to be alive another day (and she's not in any pain, so it's probably easier to be glad than if she was suffering).

Sometimes, when she cries and thanks me for all I do, I think it could be a combination of frustration that she can't do as much by herself as she used to and a little relief that I'm here to help her. She's aware of people who really have no-one at all and I think she feels grateful.

Also, anti-depressants are yet another pill to take. At 86, Mom has whittled herself down to three meds and not eager to change that formula, right now. I'm just pointing that out before someone writes to me to tell me how much she probably needs them.
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My mom also started this a few years ago. When she felt overwhelmed, afraid, or maybe she didn't even know why she was crying. No one knows what goes on with dementia. Some people do well with antidepressants and others don't. My mom does a lot better with them. Hasn't happened in a long time because she is past that point but when it did, I would give hugs and try to redirect with location, conversation, magazines, people, etc. I don't know if there is an answer for this one except trying different things and patience. Good luck and God Bless.
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Sueber, I agree with the antidepressants, glad you mom got help. Crying all the time is not normal for anyone, dementia or not, they need to call a doctor/neurologist.
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my Mom is turning 89 tomorrow - seems like over the past 2 months she easily gets sensitive and cries - she is forgetting things more and more as well - this all is very fast moving - last year had an MRI with positive results - no Altiemers/dementia noted. I live with her and recently over past month gotten physical therapists, occupational therapists and a social worker to come to home to help Mom and to figure out what I can do as this is upsetting my usual positive self and I'm now becoming sad. I hear my mom praying to God to take her - this is soo soo sad for me as I am trying everything in the book to help her . We do not believe in antidepressants as Mom does not have history of depression and my sisters and I feel they would just make her tired and dulled (she may fall-has 2 hip replacements/weak and MD cannot see very well) .... We've discussed whether or not Mom wants to go to retirement home or remain in the home (as she thinks I am now a nag telling her to do things, but I have to on many occasions remind her of things she must take care of - like wearing her hearing aid etc)- she also has MD and cannot see very well at all. any suggestions and advise? thank you....
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I am crying reading this post. My Mom cried in the NH so much. I was so unprepared, it shattered my heart. She was never a cryer and pre-stroke she was a relatively crabby/unhappy person. She had a big personality change and was kind and loving to me. We went the anti-depressant route because it helped her. She has been gone a year now and I am grateful for the time I had with her in a calm place.
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Crying releases toxins from the body. It feels good to cry. So let her cry, and when you return, she can cry again, but don't think she is doing "great". Dementia is a terminal illness and at 90 yrs. she is on borrowed time. Let her be who she is at this point in time, and you start letting go...
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Mom, 88, with dementia, cries all the time now. She was never a "cryer" and did try to hide this emotion most of her life, so this was "new" to everyone when it started. She cries when I leave for work and when I come home. She cries when her caregivers come and go. She cries when other family or friends stop by. She cried when she saw the dinner table decked out for Thanksgiving. In most of these instances, there were "tears of joy", which just seemed so out of character for mom. It was really hard to get used to and still catches me off guard when it happens. We try to first determine why the tears are falling, and then have to handle each situation as best we can. We try to reinforce the positive, downplay the negative, and often resort to changing the subject of conversation to something we know mom will respond positively to. Sometimes we need to just get her out to the garden or for a short walk, to help jump start a mood change, when the tears are from sadness. When they are tears of job, we cry with her!
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Yes i spend/spent hours holding my moms hand when it happens, especially at night. They are scared and lonely. I'm not trying to make you feel bad but this is a major reason why I have my mother in my home even though its hard work she knows I'm always here and if I'm not I have a nurse here. right now I'm holding her hand and was singing songs get Her mind off things and makes her happy believe me it is a very hard full time job and I have cabin fever but that's what I want to do.if I were you I would just visit much more often because they don't have the time to do that there. when you think about it when you feel the same way?Good luck
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Yep, you have to understand that elders reverse to being child-like. The only thing I could do to calm my Mother down was to read scripture verses. That may help you.
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If it's not related to medical condition/medication that needs changing, I'd wonder if she's thinking she may not see you again. Does it only happen when people she likes get ready to leave?

The last time I saw one of my most favorite people in the world, (my Great Grandpa), he cried as we were pulling out of the driveway. They'd always stood on their front porch and waved goodbye to us, always in good spirits after a nice visit. He was a tough guy, never saw him cry, or anything close to it. But he balled his eyes out as we were leaving that time, I think he did KNOW he wouldn't see us again. Years later, his DIL, my GMA started to do that too when we left. She started to stand at her front door with red wet eyes, and try to smile, as she waved goodbye. She did that the last 3 visits. I had a voice mail from her the day before she passed, that said "I called because I wanted you to know that I love, love, love you, baby girl." Not the usual type of message she'd leave. She had a major stroke a few hours later and passed the next morning.
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Don't like antidepressents. My Dad who has Alzheimer's was crying for no reason. We went to a therapist and she ok'd Sam E. It comes in liquid form also. Dad is much better, much happier. Hope this helps
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Mom is 91 has dementia and lately doesn't matter if she is having a good or bad day as soon as I put her to bed she starts crying.when I ask why she says I'm just sad but don't know why. Or I'm tired or I just love u. I thought mayb just something to do w sundowners
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They changed my mother antidepressant, I don't think it was working anymore she had been taking it for years. With the alzheimers meds, I don't see her cry anymore. She seems pretty content. A geriatric pshychiatrist might help, couldn't hurt. That was my first thought, but my brother didn't want to, so I let it go. It's difficult to have to deal with family members about your mothers health.
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My Mother did this in the beginning of staying at the nursing home for rehab. She was not used to her surroundings and the changes she was facing. Antidepressants have helped and knowing what to expect now and yet she has given up on therapy and refuses to do things only when she wants to. I am afraid she will ruin whatever muscles she had gained to regression. She won't sit up on her own or switch sides to give her bottom a break etc. She is in a whole new type of depression. Do not know how to reach her? She seems like she wants to give up.
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My husband had a stroke and has bouts of crying at time he normally would not. I looked up information on emotional lability. In some stroke victims depending on what part of the brain may be affected by this. The emotions are so near the surface so now my husband cries if he sees a commercial and cry if it has even the slightest bit of emotion associated with it. He hates it but i don't make much of it so he's not embarrassed. I think if your mom cries because she loves you, that's a good thing. If we all could be so emotionally connected. Do follow up with her doctor thouhh because it jist may be depression. Hang in there.
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Depression is quite common following stroke. The protocol after my mom had a stroke (per her rehab center) was to start antidepressents. Another was added several months later when she went into nursing care following a broken hip. they have allowed her to be calm, happy and not agitated.

Is there a geriatric psychiatrist who visits the NH? You might want to have that person see your mom, ahd share this recent crying with her/him. Not all sadness is depression, but depression can affect one's health in many ways.
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