Our Mother (68) has recently stopped taking all her medications, is refusing to see a doctor or do blood work. She is acting mean, aggressive & vulgar to the point we cannot take her grandchildren over to see her. She picks a fight with everyone (even her grandkids). My Dad (her husband) is scared of her, he's afraid she will poison his food. If we do get her to a doctor, I'm certain she won't follow the medication regimen. What can we do?

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Call Adult Protective Services (APS) and tell them you are concerned for your mothers safety. They can go over and assess the situation. She does have a right not to see a doctor and stop all of her medications. The nasty behavior is concerning if she wasn't a nasty person historically it could mean that she is sick and doesn't know it. Her husband could be helpful in this but only if he has the guts to stand up to her. He of course could leave and stay with kids, that could get her attention. You may just have a really tough situation where there is no easy solution, you may have to just give it some time and see what happens. Good Luck on this one
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Have her draw a clock. If she gets all the numbers right and the hands right she is probably not demented.

If she is acting weird, good for her to stop all her medications as some medications make people act crazy. At least this way you will know if it is due to medications or not that she is getting weird.

Dont expect much help from the Dr's office due to HIPPA. If she has not signed a HIPPA release, then they by law cannot talk to you.

If your dad is truly afraid of her poisoning him, then call the police and explain the situation. They can have her picked up on a 5150 and held for 72 hours of psyche testing through the local emergency department. This is on the basis that she is sususpected of being capable of harming herself or someone else.

Your mom can just be depressed by usually depressed people are not that obnoxious in picking fights with kids.

Has she always been a pain in the ass? If so, getting elderly does not make them sweet to live with. They only get worse.

Have you tried just out and out asking why she is being so mean lately. You might be surprised at how being matter of fact and direct without confrontation gets results. Try that first.

Double good luck...
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Next time she is aggressive, I would call an ambulance and let the hospital deal with her. It might be best for the docs to see what is going on with her. 68 isn't real old.
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If you father still lives with your mother I'd take him out of their for a break (and safety) while this situation is being sorted out! NOT MOVE OUT -- just be gone for a little while!
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Call your local Social Services department, they often are a fount of resources and may be able to help you get an appointment set up with a home-care RN for an assessment. You can also always call the doctor's office and speak to the doctor's nurse, leave a message for her doctor, see what they recommend. You didn't mention a history, but it sounds like there may be something such as depression or dementia going on. Believe it or not, as people get older, even little things like a urinary tract infection can cause a change in personality. Don't wait, call her doctor or social services!
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