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Can someone please help me out with this the doctor called the family in to talk with us he said that they will continue to keep my mom comfortable and give her comfort care. From what they're telling us my mom cannot eat anything by mouth without getting choked. So basically what they want us to say is it okay that they just keep my mama comfortable and to give her IV fluids where she will be getting no proteins or nutrients at all. So the doctor say she is too weak to go in and have the g-tube put in or a ngtube so basically they want her to starve to death. But what do you do when your mom is constantly telling you that she's hungry? My mom is in the hospital when we got there yesterday they had not done anything for my mom. My mom sheets was brown from urine and where they had not changed her all night and she was just as wet her sheet and pad was brown so I know she had not been changed all night. I am so upset, hurt and so confused right now so is there anyone out there who had dealt with something like this or can offer me advice on what other routes I can take to get them to do something for my mom.

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I took my mom out of the hospital to give her care at home. (To let her die there). The doctors wanted to put her on dialysis, but I felt they would have just been using her to “practice” the surgery. She wouldn’t have survived an operation. Mom was under home hospice care. I didn’t expect her to live. Hospice wanted to give her meds to make her sleep. They told me not to attempt giving her food because she hadn’t been eating. She was completely repulsed by food and pushed drinks (including water) away.

When discharged from the hospital she was on O2 and in a wheelchair. She also only wanted to sleep. She could barely move.

It it was a very tough time. I can’t sugar-coat this. All my siblings refused to even come for a visit because it was too hard for “them.”

I praised her with every small bite. She didn’t want to eat or drink. One small bite at a time made me happy. Sometimes she even spit it out. Everyone who came by would try to give her tiny bites of food and small sips of water. Each bite and sip was a huge victory. I worried that I was prolonging her pain. I took her outside to listen to the birds and lay on a blanket under a tree. It was almost impossible to move her. She had no strength. I played her favorite music.

I wanted her to be as comfortable and happy as possible, which was hard because she was in pain. It was emotionally devastating and I just didn’t want to hurt her.

She had a dream/vision/hallucination where she was talking to my deceased dad. She told him she wasn’t ready to join him yet. That conversation was a miracle for me and I realize I was very lucky to be with her through this whole experience.

Every day she got a tiny bit better. She resumed feeding herself.

She recovered, got off oxygen, started eating, eventually resumed walking. Her pain went away.

Afterward, she remembered more than I thought she would and told me every day that I had saved her life.

Im so sorry for all the pain you are feeling. I don’t know if this will work for you but I just wanted to share these ideas in case they help.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to ACaringDaughter
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Withholding food if the patient is actually asking for it is horrific - the doctor can't just shrug and turn his back. I hope the OP has managed to get help with what sounds like a desperate situation.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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I’m so sorry that you are faced with this situation. I can sense the desperation in your post.

I don’t have much to add. But I would consider hospice care at this juncture. Enjoy your mother while she is still here with you.
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Reply to Shane1124
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If your family visits Mom and finds her lying in her mess again, immediately seek out the Charge Nurse on the floor and take her into the room to show her the sheets. Ask her what the reason was why Mom was not changed. You can also seek out the Director of Nursing and report to him/her what happened.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Your profile says your mother has late stage dementia, unfortunately this is something that can be expected as end of life approaches. I'm linking a few articles you may find helpful

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/the-risks-and-benefits-of-feeding-tubes-for-seniors-445699.htm

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/end-of-life-care-signs-that-death-is-near-443741.htm

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/family-guilt-about-calling-hospice-139072.htm

https://www.crossroadshospice.com/hospice-palliative-care-blog/2014/july/20/why-it-s-ok-for-your-loved-one-to-stop-eating-and-drinking-on-hospice/
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Reply to cwillie
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Have they tried thickening liquids and pureed foods?
This is usually what is done at late stage dementia. The body "forgets" to close off the passage to the lungs so food will get down into the lungs causing "aspiration pneumonia" this can be fatal.
Late stages the body no longer needs food as it can not process it so often food will remain in the stomach or intestines causing blockages that also can be fatal.
So often feeding tubes are discouraged.

the fact that mom is left in urine is unacceptable and should be brought to the attention of the nurses or aids right away. (now if you got there early and they were still doing morning duties I would not worry, if you were there at 10 am and bedding had not been changes that's a problem)

Is mom on Hospice? if not now might be the time to contact Hospice they can have her transferred to one of the In Patient Units and manage pain and then transfer her back to where she was prior to the hospitalization. You would then have a nurse come in to monitor her, a CNA come in a few times a week to bathe her, dress her and order supplies as well as a host of other professionals that would help you and your family. They will also educate you on what is expected, what to look for and reassure you that your Mom will not be in pain, their goal is to keep mom comfortable and reassure you.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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