Is she also aware that she is forgetting or is she frustrated but does not know why? Often people "hide" the fact that their memory is getting bad, sometimes for as long as 10 years. They find "work arounds" for the things they forget. Schedule a Dr. appointment and get a physical scheduled for her. Include a urine test for UTI. And then ask for a referral (if you need one) to a neurologist or a neuropsychologist. These are the first steps to a diagnosis. IF she is diagnosed with some form of dementia it is not the end of the world but your world and hers (as well as the entire family's) will change. (and we all hate change) An early diagnosis will give you a chance to put papers in order, ask her what she wants throughout this journey that no one wants to take but many are on the same road. There is a great essay that I have always kept in mind and I am sure that the essence may help even if the essay was written for a different reason. I am going to share it.. Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley (c 1987) I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability- to try to help people who have not shared this unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this..... When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to -Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and you make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas of Venice. You learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After months of eger anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands and the stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland". "Holland?!?" you say "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there has been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is they have't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole group of people you never would have met. It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there a while and you catch your breath, you look around...and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills...and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandt's. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever, go away.....because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very special things ...about Holland.
I never write something this long but I feel that caring for someone with dementia or other life altering condition can be positive if you allow it. I learned a LOT caring for my Husband. Would I have wanted it to be different..of course but God had other plans and S/He is much wiser than I am so I go with the flow...
Mom should be evaluated by her PCP for dementia. There are over 70 different causes for dementia, some are curable. Her PCP can identify a treatable condition or rule it out. If he/she rules out those treatable conditions (stress, meds interaction, vitamin deficiency, etc.) he will refer her to a neurologist for further testing.
Often in some early failure the person is acutely aware of what is happening. Is MOM concerned, or does she seem not to notice, then deny and get angry? If your mother, on honest and GENTLE discussion, does tell you that she is noticing some changes tell her that it is quite crucial to find out what is just normal aging, or some sort of UTI infection, or anxiety suddenly coming out, versus some changes that could be helped with medications (therapeutic lie in my mind as I don't believe medications help anything but anxiety symptom). Are you POA? First step, you should attempt to get the DPOA done while Mom understands the papers she is doing and could pass Lawyer's exam about whether she understands what she is doing (allowing you to act for her as she would act should she be unable. ) This should be done for Health and Financial. Second, explain to Mom you together should go through things you might need to know to help in future. Number three, the doctor. You and Mom talk first. Then go together to the doctor and decide what consults are needed to do some testing and staging. Be HONEST. Dishonesty causes fear and will make anxiety ramp up a lot. Sit her down and tell her what you are seeing (start a diary now)and what concerns you. Tell her some things that were done, ask if she realizes it. Tell her that the two of you need now to have one another's hand and one another's back, be a TEAM and that you will be there for her if she needs you. When my bro was diagnosed with a brain tumor (benign) over the medulla ruining his balance, and with probably early Lewy's dementia, we were HONEST to the core. Not always easy. But we were. We were, at 85 and 78, a Sis and bro who were Hansel and Gretel together in the woods all our lives, and we agreed we would just do our best to walk that walk honestly and TOGETHER. I wish you the best. I hope you will come here and tell us what works what does not work and that you will help others. We are all making this walk together.
Good advice "AlvaDeer" and it sounds like you and your brother were like "two peas in a pod." I always wanted a brother and if I had one, I would have wanted as close of a relationship with him as you were fortunate to have had with yours. I know you still miss him and always will!
Start off with booking her for an assessment by her GP. As well see about getting a hearing test done. Ask the doctor to do a full lab work up. is your Mum 56, or are you 56? If Mum, it is even more important to have her labs done. Also keep in mind that as women go through the Change, they can suffer from Brain Fog, lack of concentration and more. HRT can be a blessing for many women.
Low B12 can lead to forgetfulness too. There are other possibilities that need to be ruled out before dementia is ruled in.
Another very important thing to do it to make sure Mum has all her paperwork up to date, Will, POA for finances and health. If you are assigned POA for finances, now is the time to review her files and accounts and make sure she is paying her bills.
We just discovered that Dad decided to pay $20 every two months on the electric bill. Only problem is it was $140 every two months. We have now set up online access to the account and will ensure it is paid in a timely manner.
My Mum is 86, she is in remarkable good health. She is also aware that she is getting forgetful, but she writes all appointments and social activities on her calendar and remembers to check it each morning. She is starting to forget that she has told me a story, so I hear it a couple times before she is onto the next one.
Often people "hide" the fact that their memory is getting bad, sometimes for as long as 10 years. They find "work arounds" for the things they forget.
Schedule a Dr. appointment and get a physical scheduled for her. Include a urine test for UTI. And then ask for a referral (if you need one) to a neurologist or a neuropsychologist. These are the first steps to a diagnosis.
IF she is diagnosed with some form of dementia it is not the end of the world but your world and hers (as well as the entire family's) will change. (and we all hate change)
An early diagnosis will give you a chance to put papers in order, ask her what she wants throughout this journey that no one wants to take but many are on the same road.
There is a great essay that I have always kept in mind and I am sure that the essence may help even if the essay was written for a different reason.
I am going to share it..
Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley (c 1987)
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability- to try to help people who have not shared this unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this.....
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to -Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and you make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas of Venice. You learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eger anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands and the stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland".
"Holland?!?" you say "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there has been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is they have't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole group of people you never would have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there a while and you catch your breath, you look around...and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills...and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandt's.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever, go away.....because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very special things ...about Holland.
I never write something this long but I feel that caring for someone with dementia or other life altering condition can be positive if you allow it. I learned a LOT caring for my Husband. Would I have wanted it to be different..of course but God had other plans and S/He is much wiser than I am so I go with the flow...
Are you POA? First step, you should attempt to get the DPOA done while Mom understands the papers she is doing and could pass Lawyer's exam about whether she understands what she is doing (allowing you to act for her as she would act should she be unable. ) This should be done for Health and Financial. Second, explain to Mom you together should go through things you might need to know to help in future. Number three, the doctor. You and Mom talk first. Then go together to the doctor and decide what consults are needed to do some testing and staging.
Be HONEST. Dishonesty causes fear and will make anxiety ramp up a lot. Sit her down and tell her what you are seeing (start a diary now)and what concerns you. Tell her some things that were done, ask if she realizes it. Tell her that the two of you need now to have one another's hand and one another's back, be a TEAM and that you will be there for her if she needs you.
When my bro was diagnosed with a brain tumor (benign) over the medulla ruining his balance, and with probably early Lewy's dementia, we were HONEST to the core. Not always easy. But we were. We were, at 85 and 78, a Sis and bro who were Hansel and Gretel together in the woods all our lives, and we agreed we would just do our best to walk that walk honestly and TOGETHER.
I wish you the best. I hope you will come here and tell us what works what does not work and that you will help others. We are all making this walk together.
Low B12 can lead to forgetfulness too. There are other possibilities that need to be ruled out before dementia is ruled in.
Another very important thing to do it to make sure Mum has all her paperwork up to date, Will, POA for finances and health. If you are assigned POA for finances, now is the time to review her files and accounts and make sure she is paying her bills.
We just discovered that Dad decided to pay $20 every two months on the electric bill. Only problem is it was $140 every two months. We have now set up online access to the account and will ensure it is paid in a timely manner.
My Mum is 86, she is in remarkable good health. She is also aware that she is getting forgetful, but she writes all appointments and social activities on her calendar and remembers to check it each morning. She is starting to forget that she has told me a story, so I hear it a couple times before she is onto the next one.