Mom, stage 6, wants a job. Naturally, she is not getting one. I'm thinking a doll may comfort her. I've researched them. Thoughts?

Excellent ! We all need someone/something to love :)

Dearest Dementia Caregivers,

Thank you all very much for taking a moment to help me decide how to best handle this doll dilemma. I think what I am going to do is get a doll and tell Mom that I got her a baby to decorate her bed with. Mom recently had to have a smaller bed (I brought her queen bed from home when she moved into AL and now the PT suggests that a twin bed will be better, as it is safer if she falls out and less bulky.) I bought new bedding for Mom's new bed, along with a pretty throw pillow for the center. I'm hoping that a sweetly dressed girl doll will be an added attraction that will become a comfort and a distraction for her.

Again, all your ideas are wonderful! Thank you.

I Love your story Rebecca & Bless your Dad's heart~

True story. Somewhere in the late 1940 when I was a small child my father would make his annual trip to the (then) " Old Folks Home " . He played Santa Claus and every resident got a gift. He contacted the staff ahead of time to get their gift wishes. One year this lovely black lady who was bedridden only wanted a black baby doll. She was insistent that was all she wanted in the whole world. Now sadly back in those days finding a black baby doll was extremely difficult. My father worried and fretted over this task. He succeeded after much searching. I went with him on the big day. I will always remember how that lady cried happy tears of great joy as she cuddled and kissed her baby. Whispered sweet words to her. Yet there is another blessing to this story. A small little girl learned the Daddy she so loved was a great man.

No pun intended...but something just popped into my head...recalling a story where someone's parent was given bubble wrap and the parent believed it was their job to pop all the bubbles...daughter "paid" him (i.e. the company did) every so often...

I think a doll is a wonderful idea AbbyRose~
My Mother had a little stuffed rabbit that she named Teege.
Mother had broken her neck and she said that little rabbit just fit perfectly in the crook of her neck and she slept with it every night.
To look over at her asleep with that bunny,was the dearest sight.
I think a doll or a stuffed animal would be good.Anything to hug and hold.

Yes, to the doll idea.

I’d try this line: ‘my friend is going on holiday with her little girl, and she was worried that her baby wouldn’t be looked after while they were away. I told her that you would be kind and help’. Or 'my friend is down sizing, and didn’t have room for this dear little baby doll that was left behind when her daughter went away’. Based on the lady I saw with one at our local nursing home, I’d say very simple clothes (ie just something you can open up, not a wardrobe of changes), a nice texture, and a wrap up.

AbbyRose,
The depth of your compassion is very moving.
I wish you well.
R27

They gave my grandma a baby doll and it was a great comfort to her. She had cared for many children over her lifetime and particularly loved babies. It was very sweet- they put it in her arms in her coffin when she died.

I vote for DareDiffer's idea: an interactive stuffed pet. Hasbro has a line of stuffed kitties and puppies called Joy For All Companion Pets, which purr or yip when petted, and they move to your touch, too. They are meant for adults, not little kids. Some other companies have similar products, although not as interactive as Hasbro's as far as I can tell. I can't have a real pet, and am actually considering getting one of these interactive stuffed companions. It is very soothing to pet a fluffy animal. Good luck!

A friend of mine has a husband in a memory care facility. He has vascular dementia. The faculty has a few niches in the hallway where there are activities or items displayed for the residents. One niche has a bassinet, with a doll and various changes of clothes, extra diapers, a bottle, blankets, etc. Her husband had a “job” there for a while; watering the flowers and herbs in the secure courtyard outside the dining room. He also helps clean up in the dining room. Perhaps the staff can help you come up with various jobs she might help them complete.

Another option, for those uninterested in baby dolls or stuffed animals, is fidget quilt. It’s a good way to keep them busy and engaged. They sell them on Amazon and Etsy.

I think a doll is a fantastic idea! She can dress it and undress it, wrap it in a blanket, etc. You won’t need a ‘special ‘ brand of doll. There are so many folks out there that really look like, and feel like babies. Tell us how it goes!

I think it is a great idea to get her a life like baby doll. I've read that it is being recommended for many alzheimers patients because they are often living in the past and want to care for someone or something. You could present it to her by just showing it to her and saying something like "mom look at this". She will react with her true feelings about it and you could go from there. If she is happy and reaches for it you could ask her. "Would you like to take care of the baby?" Just follow her reactions. If they are negative just say something like "I'll take it away if you don't like it. You dont have to keep it". Let her mood lead you. Most likely she will want it.

AbbyRose - When my journey caring for my parents began I knew next to nothing about dementia.

So, in the beginning here on AC, the first time I heard someone mention giving a doll/stuffed toy to their elderly loved one I found myself thinking “ Now, that’s just silly and even insulting”. Nothing worse than someone who thinks they know better - when they don’t even know that they don’t know anything, right? That was me.

Several years down the Dementia Highway I saw first hand just how effective a doll or stuffed animal can be. A woman in my mothers NH had a stuffed animal, which she clearly loved very much. I could never discern what type of animal it was as the woman was always clutching it so close to her. It was obvious this “toy” brought her a great deal of security and comfort. I saw this woman at least once a week for nearly a year - and I never once saw her without her beloved.

My own mother? She didn’t have a maternal bone in her body. Probably, in today’s more accepting society she would have chosen to remain childless. But, back in the late 50’s and early 60’s that really wasn’t done - except by the truly brave and self aware. Lucky for me, I guess. Anyhoo - I don’t think a doll would have done a thing for my mother. A stuffed animal? Maybe. But, I worried it would only remind her of her actual cat - of which she was obsessed with but had to give up (to my brother) when she moved to the NH. It took loosing the ability to speak to stop her from berating me over the loose of her cat. In hindsight- I think I probably should have given a stuffed animal a try...

I commend your desire to help ease your mother mind - and in such a deep and thoughtful way. I hope it works out for the both of you. And now, it’s kinda funny - given my initial reaction to the thought of giving a grown woman a doll to love... now I find it so touching and lovely - charming really. In a dementia kinda way.

Years ago when mom was in the nursing home, my daughter and I traveled from Texas to Michigan to visit her. It was about this time of year. We stopped on the way and I saw A Christmas sock type doll that played “Santa Baby” When you pushed her foot. Mom was a hoot and I knew she would love it. The nurses called me later after we had returned home and said that the doll was the life of the floor. Residents would come to moms room to visit her doll...named LueLue (moms name was Luella). My daughter named the doll before giving it to mom. That little Christmas doll brought her joy til the day she died.

Our mom, who was in MC for seven years, loved stuffed animals. They dotted her bed and she took great pride in placing them "just right" every morning after her bed was made.

One day I came by and she and another resident were sitting together on the bed with a baby doll talking about who he was, where did he come from, where was his mother, etc. They were totally engaged with this little guy. I watched with amusement and love.

That same doll would show up at times with other residents. He was a well cared for "kid",

I like the idea of just placing one in her room and seeing what she does or just present it to her and tell her it needs care. Ask her if she might like that for a job, to be its nanny.

My own situation today finds me living with my 73 year old PDD husband who has little interest in anything let alone "helping" around the house. He used to do the dishes every night and always set out the garbage on Monday nights. These were the last executive order type chores he did. I am sure if he realized what he was no longer doing he'd be shocked. We take it a day at a time.

One thing I thought about trying was putting a microphone in front of him and giving him copies of old show prep (he's a retired Top 40 radio guy). I wonder if it would trigger anything for him. I sure miss his beautiful voice of years ago.

As Isthisreal mentioned, you wouldn't want a doll to be insulting to your mother. If your mother is able to sew or knit doll size items maybe a doll of her own could be a model for making more doll clothes that could be donated. That could be her "job." If the doll also helped fill the wish to "babysit," so much the better.

My mom loves stuffed animals, names them, and talks to them. She is in a very small assisted living and they let her help in the kitchen with things like setting the table and arranging the fruit and salad bowls. She loves being asked to help.

Hope the idea with the doll works. If not, you (or someone else on the forum) might be interested in this catalog that has "busy work" activities for seniors. https://www.ssww.com/senior-activities/

id probably just give it to her and say it’s so cute do you want to play with it. She won’t remember where it came from in an hour or maybe less. I wouldn’t spend a lot of money on it

Abby, if your mom thinks that her parents are alive then her memories have regressed and she might find a baby to be the ideal job for a young wife that has a husband working all the time.

It is great that she is in a facility that will care for her as long as she is not a flight risk.

My granny was in a wheelchair and she was a flight risk, had to wear an ankle bracelet so the alarm sounded if she tried to leave.

I hope you find something that gives her a feeling of contentment. For your sake as well.

Mom was in nursing home (never again!) briefly. She was a nurse and while she was in the hospital and in the home, she got fixated on nurses' stethoscopes. She wanted one.
A nurse friend was trading her old 'scope for a new one (the things are $$$) and graciously let me have it for Mom. I made sure to put every form of ID possible (things "vanish" in the NH) on the thing.
Mom checked the hearts of all the pts in the home. Home again with me, she checks my heart mornings.
It is a small thing, and I think the pt knows she/he isn't being useful, and wants to be. It is something from their past and is harmless. (No, no needles for mom!)
I do not know about the dolls, and I hope someone can tell you. But yes, if you can find something that will satisify her urge to do something, go for it!

I'm not sure how a doll would work out. It could be a lovely experience, or it could distress her if she forgets to "care" for it or dropped it accidentally. What about letters to soldiers? Perhaps you could print up a stack of Holiday Greetings fliers and she could sign them. That could be her job. Also, not sure of her capabilities. Could she fold them and put them in envelopes? Just a thought. Best wishes for you and mom.

I am of sound mind. Caregiver for my husband with dementia. I have told my daughter if I get this I want a nice rocking chair a doll to rock and tea and cookies!!
If you are nervous about giving her a doll why don’t you just leave one in her room where she may find it and say nothing. Also maybe a stuffed animal. If she likes them you can just admire them and maybe play with them a little not telling her you got them. Hope this makes sense
blessings to you

I saw an interesting idea on TV. Daughter bought rolls of bubble wrap and told her father he had been hired to pop all the bubbles. He was quite thrilled to do so. Yes, in a lucid moment, he asked why would a company do that. Any answer would do but the daughter said it was less expensive for the company for disposal to have all the bubbles popped. Ingenious! Hope this idea is helpful. And yes, a doll would help but only if she is/was a doll person (unlike this tomboy).

My sister was in AL x 2 years. Now she lives in a 6 bed care home. In both residences she gave herself a "job." "I tell them when someone falls." This "job"
kept her walking the halls with her walker. I would give her dollar bills for the
concession machines. "Pat, I cashed your paycheck."
FYI, in this small Care home, the other ladies are in wheelchairs and not walking.

I got my father a toy cat that purred - then the home got a real one ! Strange thing is their cat was always coming into dad’s room to check out the toy one and “pet’ dad whilst there too.

My father always liked to be doing something - I used to pop the lens out of my glasses and ask him to fix it. I would also take in vegetables etc to peel/ pod etc - that they never went in the meal he ate was irrelevant - he always thought the potatoes or carrots he was eating tasted so much better as he thought he’d had a hand in preparing it.

A doll sounds like a good idea not that I know anything about them. - Does she knit? Maybe get some wool and patterns if thinks it’s for some child - or baking cookies for a useful activity / coffee morning you are having - not! (whatever she enjoys enjoyed doing really )

best of luck in your endeavours

My Mom was pretty much into her Dementia once she was in the AL. She was always seeing a little girl when she lived with me and looking for "the baby" at the AL. One day though she told me "look at that lady, she is always carrying a doll around". With a look on her face like that was so ridiculous.

There are Berenguer dolls that aren't too expensive and feel like real babies. The newborns are called "La Newborn".