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She is 95 with dementia. Am I wrong to get angry ? She'll only eat 2 bites of oatmeal and 1/2 banana and only if I add ice cream to an Ensure will she drink that. I cannot communicate verbally with her because her ear drums are covered with wax and can't get in to the ear doctor for another 3 weeks-- her hearing aids don't help. She doesn't respond to written notes, either. I want to keep her healthy but don't know how when she refuses to eat. Should I give in to her and feed her desserts when she won't eat nutritious food?

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Yeah, I'd say you are wrong to get angry, or at least to show your mother your anger. It doesn't really help either of you.
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Put a few drops of warm olive oil (aka sweet oil) in each ear, and a small bit of cotton or Kleenex. Tommorrow rinse out the wax with warm water in an ear syringe from the drugstore. Ask the pharmacist.
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Needingpatience, please note once a person gets up in age they will lose their sense of taste except for sweet items.... it is just part of aging.

Both my parents had lived up into their 90's and my Mom's grocery list was filled with all kinds of sweet goodies, it made my teeth hurt just thinking about it... but I figure once they are at that age, let them eat what they want.
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This is the natural cycle for some - sounds like a fussy toddler doesn't it?

My mom gets ice cream 3x a day as staff at memory care either puts her pills in it or gives it to her to distract her mood

She hates water but loves coffee especially with cookies

A lot of folks don't eat at all I've noticed and play with their food

Can you try substituting yogurt instead of ice cream - I think ensure products taste nasty anyway

Or if you have the energy make a homemade shake and add a powder protein

Strawberry yogurt pineapple juice a banana - yum

Does your mom have any difficulty swallowing or acid reflux ?

Also with dementia the sense of smell goes and so sweets are probably just more appealing

Maybe pop a sweet potato in the microwave - plenty of nutrition and might appeal to her sweet tooth

Good or bad - my 93 year old mom loves to eat and when she is not hungry I know something is wrong with her - sometimes a UTI
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Well, you can get inventive and try to slip more nutritious foods into the things she does like, such as making those brownies with applesauce instead of veg oil in much the same way that frustrated mothers do for their picky toddlers (there are tons of posts and recipes on line about that). Or you can step back and realize that your mom is 95, even with the best of care and the most nutritious diet, how many more years can you expect her to live? God knows, it can be frustrating! I would just try to provide a variety of foods and let it go, when I'm 95 I will want my dessert first too!
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