My mother is 87, is on water pills, incontinent, has CHF and has limited mobility. I do her baths, dressing, all meals, all cleaning and all I want is to use the bathroom. We only have one bathroom.
Mom gets plenty of “me time” and lords over the TV. I don’t even bother to ask about my programs and watch TV on my phone.
My problem is her bathroom time. She spends 1 hour to urinate, each time,, and then 2.5 hours in there after getting washed up, lotion applied by me, and changing her into to pjs. She isn’t constipated. She like to hang out and day dream, go through drawers, hum songs and basically goof around. I’ve had to treat my own bladder infections from holding urine too long, or relieve myself in a garbage bag like some half-human house gnome. It’s even harder for me to schedule a shower for myself. I can go 2-4 days waiting to bathe. This isn’t fair or liveable. Nothing I say will coax Mom out of the bathroom. She’s always been like this but it’s worse. Since we got a commode with arm rests, it’s like my bodily functions don’t matter and I have to get in and out ASAP.
Mom doesn’t have hemorrhoids or constipation. Her water pills only affect her up to lunch time. It feels like she doesn’t understand that I need a bathroom too, and could care less. My kind complaints to her are ignored. It keeps me up until 3am.
How on earth do I fix this? We can’t even have company over. If we do have relatives drop by, she talks to them from her porcelain throne, pants and pull-ups around her ankles. It’s madness. I’m stuck in my bedroom counting the minutes to pee, and wondering if I can get in a 15 shower.
Is anyone else going through this? How do I fix it? We have no room for a second bathroom. Just room enough for one incredibly inconsiderate parent.
Your mother's selfish behavior is beyond anything I've ever heard of which makes me question if she's suffering from dementia? What mother is willing to see her daughter suffer to THIS degree while they languish in the bathroom for hours daydreaming and humming? Not to mention talking to relatives from the toilet bowl? This is not normal behavior by any stretch of the imagination.
You should NOT have to get a commode for yourself so your mother can continue this absurd behavior. She either plays by some new rules or she finds other living arrangements, like a nursing home or Assisted Living. Sorry/not sorry mom, this is how we live now if you want to keep this as your address. Put a lock on the bathroom door and a timer on the counter in there. 15 minutes a pop, period. No excuses. You both have one bathroom between you to share.
The end.
It's not okay to put up with one incredibly inconsiderate parent anymore. Enough is enough.
Is there nowhere in your house that you can put a toilet and a sink. You can get small ones that fit anywhere like a closet. Really, my powder room only holds a toilet and a small vanity. Maybe one of those toilets they use in campers or on camping trips.
Also you may want to invest in some extra large body wipes, so she and you can alternate days in the shower, and use the wipes on the days in between.
You're just going to have to put your foot down and lay some much needed ground rules down pertaining to the use of the bathroom. You just gotta find your voice and quit letting mom rule the roost. It's time for a "come to Jesus" meeting. Good luck.
your mom is declining , behavioral unsound…
the visitor situation , change it , if she won’t be appropriate, then explain to visitor that it’s not a good time to visit. Maybe after a few times of this and explain to her why , maybe she will change…doubtful though.
are you able to physically guide her out? You need to find a way to coerce her out.
last option:
get the bedside commode for her , if she won’t use it , you have to decide what you will do next …
or you can use the bedside commode , but you have a toilet for a reason.
i would start looking at AL for future planning…
You are a prisoner in your own home.
Alternatively you could say that doctor’s orders are for you to improve your hygiene and frequency of urination. If mother won’t help to make this happen, she will need to live somewhere else. That sounds like a good idea to start on anyway – totally inappropriate behavior with visitors, lording it over the TV, ignoring your obvious needs, all suggest that she should no longer be living with you. And it’s likely to get worse, not better, unless you make the changes now.
Forget the 'kind complaint'. It hasn't worked, and she isn't being kind to you. Put it to her that she changes or she needs to move. Start taking her around to AL or SL – that should make it seem real!
A very wise poster here says that caregiving all works if it works for all concerned in the effort. This no longer works for your family.
Find your mom a good facility.
The plastic liner bags that I ordered on Amazon helped make clean up easier.
Do you think it is time for mom to go into a facility? You have to be completely miserable 😩.
Call Council on Aging in your area for an assessment of her needs. They will help you decide what is best.
Best wishes to you and your mom.