Moms 82, this is her 6th assisted living facility in 6 years. She's always happy at first, makes great friends, then months later she just wants to be alone. She calls me 8 times a day, since her stroke 6 years ago, I'm the only one that helps her out. I had to quit my job, to be with her for all of her appointments and therapy. My sister leaves 90 miles away and see her once a year. That drives me crazy. I love my mom, but there are times that I just want to run away from this responsibility, and know that she hates everyone at her facility, I feel worse, cause I want her to be happy.

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Laughing, BarbB. I was typing while you were. We sure said a lot of the same things, didn't we?
Helpful Answer (2)

Here is a sad but inevitable truth: You cannot make your mother (or anyone else) happy. Oh, you can brighten someone's day, and you can get a smile now and then. But fundamental happiness? You cannot provide that for another person. And it is not your responsibility to do so, no matter how much you love them. Some suggestions for your own happiness:

1) Stop changing ALFs. It is clear by now that Mom isn't going to like any of them after a while. Might as well stay put.
2) Stop taking 8 calls a day from her. If there is a true emergency the ALF staff will handle it and contact you. Call her once in the morning, and take one call from her in the evening.
3) Go back to work, parttime if that suits you. Consolidate her appointments to fall on fewer days. Isn't she getting her therapy in the facility? You need to resume your own life, as normally as conditions will permit.
4) Don't concern yourself with what you sister does. Her life, her decisions. You are not responsible for her. Thinking about it drives you crazy. Stop thinking about it.

Mom may go on like this for another 10 or 15 years. You need to come to an arrangement that is sustainable for you and supports your own sanity. In the long run, that will make you a better caregiver for your mother, too.
Helpful Answer (6)

Heidi, stop moving your mom.

Has she been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist and worked up for depression and Agitation? Is she taking meds for them?

Call your mother once a day. Let other calls go to voice mail. " Ask the staff, mom". She's paying good money for those services. Use Them!

Have her use scheduled transport for appointments. Go back to work.
Helpful Answer (5)

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