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She does not want to shower as she is afraid of the shower and her imbalance and she must not be aware of the smoke she brings into the home. I'm not having it, but have to find a kind way to tell her this is not happening here.

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The reality of it is this, she smokes, and used to in her home, and P.S. the person who said my Mother should stick a cigarette in my eye, notice how that post is now gone! I do not smoke and I'm fine with her smoking. Smoke, smoke, smoke. However, not in my house ever. We totally discussed everything in detail and she knows the rules. She will never be forced to quit, but she will be forced to not smoke in my home no matter what. When you move in with whomever, you have to accept their life, not for me to accept hers. It will be a huge change but in the long run she will be better off not smoking her head off.
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This should have been discussed in detail BEFORE she moved in with you as it would seem cruel to tell her she has to quit now in order to live with you. Smoking is very addictive and hard to quit. And it is my opinion that it should only be up to the smoker as to whether they want to quit - no one should be forced to quit. My mother-in-law smoked and we don't. We knew that long before she moved in with us so we took that into consideration about her moving in with us. We designated a smoking area (a room that is separated by a door which had to be kept closed and not connnected to the heat/air ducts of the house), and all other places were non-smoking areas. She complied great until her Dementia got worse. Then she started leaving the door open - so we eventually had to move her to an Assisted Living facility. As far as her smelling like smoke, there's not a lot that can be done about that except telling her she has to bathe and change her clothes regularly if she wants to continue smoking. You may want to think about bringing in home healthcare to help her with bathing if she is afraid of showers. Good luck!!
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I second the e-cigarette advice! Excellent idea!

The physical aspects of smoking may be disgusting to non-smokers but there is another facet to it for smokers and it has to do with activity, passing time, and habit. Just having that e-cigarette in her hand or having long daily intervals broken up a bit by a 'smoke break' is something that, if taken away, can cause anxiety and boredom and such. It is hard when you get older and can't do the things you used to do....like mow the lawn and mop the floor, etc. Taking away another activity when it can be substituted to everyone's satisfaction is the best option in any case, imo.
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Smoking is disgusting. Who is buying your Mom the cigarettes? Do you have POA and are you managing her money? You can tell her that smoking is off limits in and around your home. Period.
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I do not smoke but support those who decide to, but this is my home that she chose to live in, thus my rules. I'm definitely not asking for any apology, so funny so you even thought that, ha-ha. I told my Mom many years ago, enjoy your smoke, don't give it up if you love it. But most importantly respect those that do not.
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My mother smoked for 78 years and had no interest in quitting. We (her kids) were all anxious about how to handle this when she could no longer live alone. She now smokes e-cigarettes. She doesn't quite "get it" about them. When I handed her a new one yesterday she wanted the matches, too. I explained this was one of those new-fangled smokes you didn't need to light. On yeah, she remembered when prompted. Apparently it is enough to satisfy her addiction and to keep her hands doing familiar things, but no smoke smell, no more holes in the carpet and furniture and no more fire risk. She could not keep up with charging them herself, but with our help this has been a wonderful solution to a difficult problem.
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