My mum smells of urine and when I tell her she gets really upset, she can't smell the odour. What do I do?. - AgingCare.com

My mum smells of urine and when I tell her she gets really upset, she can't smell the odour. What do I do?.

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I have noticed in the last year my elderly mother who is 86 smells of urine. The cushion on her chair really whiffs too. If I mention there's a smell of urine she freaks out and gets super upset as she can't smell the odour.
We live together and this is becoming a big problem.
Do I say nothing, keep the peace and try and live with it.
I discussed the problem with my sister who is older than me but she didn't have any helpful advice.

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My mother is impossible to deal with anymore. She is so abusive I can’t stand being around and neither can my oldest son who lives with me. She won’t bathe, she refuses to wear diapers and she can’t smell urine, she won’t change her clothes and when I mention she need to change or bathe she starts slamming her fist down, saying- leave me alone and stop treating me like an idiot! I don’t like it! Take care of your own self! Then she starts yelling- get me outa here, Lord!!!
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I have the exact same problem with my mum. I once broached the issue in a very calm way and she got extremely upset which made me wish I'd never bothered. Some time after this incident she started wearing a pad but was only changing it every 24 hours I told her she needed to change it before and after she goes to bed if not more. Another problem is she only changes her skirt once a week. She is very stubborn and I find the smell of urine is a really sickening but she is 90 and oblivious to the smell. I talked to my sister but she laughed it off but she not the one living with mom so no real issue for her. Another problem is my mom worked as a weaver for most of her working life and she is quite deaf. She wears 2 hearing aids and all day long it's either no response when talking to her or repeating myself over and over again. I have asked her to have another hearing test but she says she doesn't need one. I love my mom dearly but these issues are really taking their toll on me.
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My God,, your moms mst be younger than mine.. she has NO hair anywhere anymore except on her head... and I cant believe I am posting this. LOL My MIL wears the liners in her depends, and they really do help but thank goodness they shower her at least 2 times a week!
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Well... while it's resurrected and all...

Jrg973, you mean "below the urethra." And technically, there is no hair there, but I get the gist.

JB, you crack me up!

I did trim my grandmother's pubic hair to help prevent UTIs. It made sense to me that bacteria would be in the hair since she wore Depends and was often wet or soiled, and it could add to her chance of getting infections. I did it in a "no big deal" way, and she didn't mind or seem embarrassed. She also had full dementia and likely saw it as just another way that someone else was cleaning her, doing her hygiene, and she was used to it.

I personally think a hair trim is as good as any other first step to try to eliminate urine odors, if it can be done in a way that isn't embarrassing to either party. *shrug* :)
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Don't know what resurrected this thread but I don't want to know any more
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Vaginal hair? ROFL. Your partner must be a werewolf or something.
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I'm not BSing...Usually, the smell is from the abundance of pubic hair between the legs. The hair absorbs the Urine as it is discharged, if one does not wash the hair it is not Urine free. The same train of logic goes for many other conditions. Look at the problem, look at the location and think!
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Veronica.. very very awkward -for both of us. He would stare at the TV and not watch me clean him. I do my best not to look too hard down there or else deeply forgotten memories try to come out. It was a very tough time for me when he first came home from the hospital. I've learned to go back to what I used to do as a child - phase back and let my other self do the dirty job. I still can't believe his before the stroke (smelly person) to now insisting sponge bath 4 times a week. Well, it could be he has these women touching him. He was pissed off one day and said he wasn't sexually harrassing the govt caregiver. He was Complimenting her. Nope, he is a dirty old man. And if I read from here is true, he's going to become dirtier - losing all inhibitions. Whoopee....NOT!
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Book I have a suspicion you would not look anyway. Don't know how you manage to change his pamper and not look!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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My dad was progressing in the road to senility. He used to automatically shower once a week. Then because he no longer smelled dirty, he tried to make it every 2 weeks. In the meantime, he stopped peeing in the bathroom and started peeing in jars. So, most times, he would wet the floor and his clothes. By weekend, the smell is bad and permeating on everything. I would calmly tell him that he smells like urine, and he needs to go shower. He did. Eventually, he stopped because he doesn't smell dirty. So, it was a constant struggle to get him to shower - by week 2. I would tell him that so-and-so will be visiting today, and it would be best to go shower and change his clothes so that he's not stinky when they visit. That worked for a while. Then he stopped caring if he smelled (which he says he doesn't) when visitors came. By week 3 of not showering, he had a stroke. So weird. When he got out of the hospital, he insisted that he gets sponge bath 4 times a week. It's been 2 years and I've never given him one. We have a gov't sponsored caregiver come 4 times a week, an hour per visit. They asked us what we wanted - and we both wanted them to give him the sponge bath. He's pretty good now. Except when he sticks his hand into his poop and insists it's dirt.

Long story. But what I'm trying to get at is this - when it was just dad and I, he wouldn't shower/change his clothes. But he has no problem if an outsider comes to our home and sponge bath him - as long as it's not me (he's still have his modesty...with some lewd jokes.)
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