Mom signed off as guardian and wants to move on with her life. How? - AgingCare.com

Mom signed off as guardian and wants to move on with her life. How?

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My dad suffered a brain injury due to years of alcohol abuse and is now in an assisted living facility against his will as he was deemed a danger to himself, my mom is living in the family home which she owns half of. My mom was my dads Guardian however she wanted to divorce him and in order to do that she had to resign as guardian(conflict of interest crap she was told). so the next person on my dads will was appointed guardian however he took his time doing shit and died unexpectedly before he finished the divorce.


After he died his 2 kids were offered to become his guardian, (i declined due to health problems of my own) and the other one lives out of country, however my moms sister and her husband asked if they could become his guardian to make sure his money was not abused and stayed safe for his kids when he died ,so i let them.


Their first act as his guardian was to cash in his kids registered education plans which my dad took out years ago( yeah that sure is helping his kids)... now for the divorce part.


In order to finish the divorce the house had to be settled, my mom wanted to get his half of the house in the divorce because he cant live in it on his own and has not lived in it in 8 years. however his guardian( my moms own sister) would not budge, so my mom offered to buy my dads half based on the value of the house of the house when he had to leave it which was 88,000 however they declined that offer as well.


Now in this process my mom made a very big mistake , when she first went to her lawyer to file for divorce which was in 2012 her lawyer told her to pick a date when she thought it was over or something with out fully explaining to her the ramifications and they agreed to pick the time he went into the nursing home (2009). When it should have been the time she signed off as his guardian(2012) As the income taxes were filed as married still at the time and she was hoping he would get better in the nursing home.


Now after declining my moms offer to buy the house for the value of what it was in 2012 my moms sister is trying to sue her saying that their is discrepancies in my dads cost of living( the nursing home) and the money that was taken out of his account for 2009-2012,( a joint account at the time) saying he is missing around $60,000+ even though they were still fucking married, my mom was still acting as his wife at that time, giving money to his kids if they needed it, using it on the house/yard as well as using it to pay back the bills that they ran up from being a married couple for over 30 years because she thought their was a slim chance he might get better in the nursing home. my moms sister is also trying to sue her saying that my mom should have been paying rent . my mom has no way to prove anything because it was so long ago, she was sometimes using her money to pay the bills, and other times she was using his money to pay bills, they brought up about $6000 being taken out which was a wedding gift to their daughter.


In 2012 when she signed off as guardian the only thing my dad has contributed towards the house is paying half the property taxes. as if living with an abusive alcoholic was not enough you gotta love shit family members who take the abusive alcoholics side. as for my dads wishes due to his memory he is living 15 years in the past and has no memory of his drinking, always calls wondering why his kids don't talk to him much, and always begs to come back home and that he does not even want a divorce etc... my mom just wants to move on with her life, cant afford the lawyer cost, and all this family backstabing is really taking a toll on her health.

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O, so sorry, apologize in advance for this off the wall, out of the box thinking.....
However, your Mom and Dad should team up, have the divorce legally dismissed.
Seems there are protections for each spouse, such as the community spouse rules so as not to impoverish one spouse to pay for the needs of the other spouse.
However, in this case, and in the case of my uncle, I personally am so grateful not to have any answers, no
longer to be involved; etc., but I do wish you all the best.

I love it when we, as real human beings, can just kick the lawyers and government regulations hurting us - just kick them out of our lives (while still obeying laws)...imo.

And get on with living the short time available to us all...
living out that time in peace. Re: Married, filing separately??? Married, living apart??? What is so wrong about that? imo.
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Sink to their level?

When a couple divorces, their assets are assessed, their current and future needs are considered, and the idea is to divide their jointly built-up finances as fairly as possible and meeting the needs of both of them as far as possible. It's a miserable process, and because it involves putting $ signs in front of absolutely everything right down to kitty litter it can feel very mercenary. But it's not sordid, it just has to be done. Your mother really mustn't be encouraged to feel that there's any virtue in saying 'fine he can keep his smelly pension.' Nuts to that! If she's entitled, she's entitled.

Your father's pension entitlement - his disability and the pension too I should think will be paid by his former employer's insurer - is one of those assets. It goes onto the table to be considered alongside everything else; and I would be surprised if your mother wasn't entitled to some proportion either of the fund or of the payments. Same goes for her pension entitlements, too, of course.

The big problem in this whole situation is going to be the cost of your father's care.
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In my opinion, sinking to their level has nothing to do with whether or not your mother gets part of your father's pension check. It's clear that your father isn't going to pay for your mother's long term care should she need it. Are you? Is her sister?
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true, my dad also is not on medicare he gets his disability covered through a work related injury he sustained from like 20 years ago, and will get quite a large pension check when he hits 65 that my mom "should be" entitled to some of or so she should say if she wants to sink to their level.
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If the father had money set aside in an education plan, what would Medicaid say about it? His money to spend on care costs, or already ring-fenced and exempt from the look-back process? He's been in residential care since 2009, God only knows how much that's already cost.

Coast, you already mentioned before that there was a hasty moment when your mother's lawyer picked on 2009, with the move into the NH, as the date of separation; and clearly the "other side", so to speak, has seized on that date with both hands and isn't letting it go. Well, they wouldn't if it suits them, would they; but they didn't come up with it themselves. It is regrettable; it should be retractable.

When is anything next happening? Any meetings or court dates scheduled or anything?

How's your mother holding up?
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This is basically what i told my mom what she should tell the lawyer.

to be honest the way i see it is just because my dad went into a home does not mean he had to quit supporting his wife and kids and to even try and hold my mom accountable to the money spent out of his account minus the nursing home cost from 2009-2012 unless she signs off her half of the house is borderline harassment. my antis lawyer does not seem to understand the difference of physical separation and legal separation. From 2012 onward when income taxes started to be filled as separated my dad has only contributed half the property taxes and nothing towards the maintenance of the house, not a dime. which is why i think my mom offering to buy his half of the house for what the house was valued at in 2012 is more then a reasonable offer.
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That the aunt took the money for the kids' education was a huge red flag for me as well, Veronica91.
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My cynical mind as usual says "follow the money" Are you sure your aunt's intentions are honorable? She has already messed with money for the kid's education. Just a thought.
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Watters sensibly and practically, not adversarially. Sorting out the issues surrounding the separation and their tax affairs probably is the first thing to address, because you don't want the revenue people narrowing their eyes at her. It's possible that she could do worse than have a conversation with them about the guidelines to do with defining the cut-off point. Technically they are still married; technically there's nothing to stop them getting back together; so I can't see why the tax people would cut up rough about her income tax filings. The marriage isn't over 'til it's over.

There is a certain logic in looking at your father's income minus his care home costs as what he ought to have left over; but it's far too simplistic a formula. Just for starters, it ignores his ongoing interest in, and therefore liabilities for, the upkeep of the home. There's plenty of wiggle room there.

Anyway, I don't why I'm rabbiting on - I'm no expert, I'm not even American. The point I hope you'll take away is that although this whole situation is a tangled PAIN for your mother, it isn't insoluble. Nothing ever is. If you can persuade her to take deep breaths, get together what information she can, and put her emotions aside for later, she'll get to the end of it all the quicker.
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no they have not divorced yet,i see i made a mistake at the start, my mom was only ever my dads POA of finances and medical(not guardian)  because he  was deemed mentally incommt due to his problems and she was on his will, they were living together at that time off of his income. then he became a danger to himself and others around him( his kids) and got put in a nursing home to try and get better in (2009) with the intention of coming home if he did. In 2012 he was is worse shape yet and my mom got her own job and decided to resign as POA and file for divorce. A second POA as stated in my dads will then took over however would not do the divorce until he filled for guardianship which he put off doing for 3 years and then died before he did it. now my anti got guardianship and will not accept the original offer of 44,000 for his half, the value of the house was 88,000 in 2012 as per the impact statement  and instead wants my mom to sign off on her half of the house completely or else they will charge her the difference in my dads income minus my dads cost of living in the care facility from 2009-2012 using 2009 when my dad went into the facility as a separation date when income taxes were filled as married during that time until 2012 when my mom filled for divorce. My mom has no way to provide receipts because she gave hers to the POA that died when she signed off as legally required. and when asking at the bank they said they only go back 7 years for bank statements
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