My Mom (91) signed her house over to my sister and me. Now she wants it back. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

My Mom (91) signed her house over to my sister and me. Now she wants it back. Any advice?

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As part of estate planning.

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If this is an always type of problem, I'd walk away when she gets crazed and semi abusive. Just silently leave. Don't argue.
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I don't think taking your mom to the lawyer will change a thing. She has a mental illness and logic and reasoning just don't work in those situations. Even when the person is very intelligent and articulate. We've seen that in spades on another very long thread on this site.

In my opinion, the best you can do with your mother is to protect yourself. The minute she starts in with her threats, calmly tell her you're not going to be subjected to those kinds of threats and leave. If you do it consistently, you may or may not change her behavior. But at least you won't be spending breath and emotions on trying to change someone who isn't likely to change at all. Don't let her problems take you down. Protect yourself!
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Thanks everyone. Walking away, and staying away, when she acts out seems to be the best plan of action for saving my sanity.
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If this were a legal issue that needed solving, seeing a lawyer would make sense. It isn't. She has no power or authority to "take it back." End of discussion.

Having a social worker involved might be appropriate if you are trying to have her keep the home cleaner/safer. If they told her she had to pass some kind of a safety inspection every quarter or had some other leverage to use against the hoarding that MIGHT be worth the effort.

As it is, just don't play her mind games. "Mom, I'm just not going to discuss that with you. Should we talk about something else, or should I leave now?"
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Ruggles - if the QCD was done and filed, then the property has been transferred to you 6 (?) years ago, you & Sissy are OK on ownership.It sounds that that was done as the tax bill has gone up as it's now in your name (and no longer with elderly tax break).

My concern would be about her "live there forever". Was this statement place in the QCD? or was this just verbal? If it's in the QCD and you move her out of hoard city 2.0, then there could be an issue aa the terms of the QCD are not as per agreement. QCD (which I -imho- think pose all sorts of issues) is very different than doing a property via a warranty deed. A QCD transfers ownership of what the old owner believer or think it is. What they "think" it is may not be accurate.If there are old issues with the title or it's inherited family property there could be lineal heirs that still exist; or other liens or claims on the property. A warranty deed guarantees full ownership. Often banks or mortgage co will not accept a QCD property to get a mortgage as true ownership is not assured. After Hurricane Katrina, I did some outreach and 1 issue that came up over & over was property that had passed through family via a QCD could not clear a clean title so they could not get rebuild funds. Most often there would be a worthless grandson who could be a lineal heir so his debt could be attached to the property as the QCD does not provide for a full-faith guarantee of ownership. Worthless would need to sign off & release any assigns, and either they wouldn't or wanted their % of any settlement. Its one of the reasons why folks could not rebuild.

But I digress. I'd suggest you either go on-line to the courthouse and download ALL the documents on the house. So that you have exactly what the QCD and any other legal on the house is. Should be cheap too, like $ 5.00 for an easement or covenant, maybe $ 7 for the QCD. You'll sleep easier having all this.

Now she won't allow DPOA ever, correct? Well since that's the case and she's hoarder 2.0 and god knows what else, the only route to be able to take control is go get a guardianship or conservatorship over mom. There was a flurry of posting on the G/C topic last month. Search the site for those posts as lots of good ideas.

If you go the G/C route, I would NOT allow it to go to a "ward of the state" approach to a G/C. Either you or Sissy will have to become (& pay to get this done) the G/C. You could find the judge viewing the whole QCD house scenario to have been done NOT in the best interests of mom. you & I know that is not the case, but the G/C judge (probate judge) has to go on the cautionary side and give the G/C to one on the state list. They likely will try to have the QCD voided so that the property can be sold to pay for mom's care in a facility.

All this is super sticky. I'd get the downloads and do a short 2 page on the timeline with mom's situation and make an appointment with an attorney who does G/C. If you can get her spending details then another short summary of all that. (QVC is the devil). Oh when you're on-line for courthouse records, go to the section that has the G/C filed. They will have the name of the law firm who filed the G/C, there likely will be the same small list of firms who do G/C's. Those are the ones you want to have represent you - they know how the judges run their courtroom. G/C is sticky you need someone who knows how to do it right.

Also take photos and video of the house. Lots of detail - open cabinets and shoot what the interiors look like. Any vermin dropping too. Download all these to your computer and to a flash-drive / thumb drive. The attorney gets the thumb drive.
Good luck, it will be a heavy up-hill……..
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She signed the house over to you and sis... done deal! She can't "take it back" if it's in your name... Did she sign the car over to sis...same story. Stop letting this threat get to you.. just tell her its done and over. If she wants to stop paying for the upkeep.. you may not be able to enforce that if its not in writing.. but if she is breaking her end of the deal, call her out on it. "you may have to go if you don't do your part" Not that you would, but maybe she needs a wake up call...
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So, I guess my actual question is this: Should I try to arrange a meeting with her lawyer, my sister, and me to remind her of the original agreement? Would going to a social worker be more productive. Maybe both?
Thanks for the tough love advice pamzimmrrt, I once said to her that we would have to sell the house if she didn’t keep her end of the agreement, and that shut her up for a couple of weeks -- it’s just so draining to have to play bad cop with one’s mother. I guess she isn’t giving me much of a choice, is she?
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At this stage of your life with Mom, I would recommend trying to connect with her in a place where you and she TRUSTED each other before things got to how they are now. If it is to late for that ask the Holy Spirit to help Her TRUST you, and keep praying she can let go. Most likely this will not happen. However the action of prayer {by you} and a waiting time {by you} will give you both healing time.
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Pam, she absolutely refuses to sign DPOA papers. The only thing I’ve been able to get her to sign was a Healthcare Proxy directive. She’s absolutely unwilling to give up any control. All the social workers that have visited over the years have stressed the absolute importance of the assigning DPOA to one of her children, but she won’t. She sees everything as a plot to take her freedom away. I honestly think she might also be on the autistic spectrum. This behavior is not recent -- she’s always been tyrannical and completely unyielding.
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If your attorney hasnt already put her hard assets into a Family trust then first thing I would do is dump him and search out an Elder Law firm to get that set up.
If the home isnt protected it wont make any difference when the time comes for her care. Timing is crucial in these situations.
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