My mom (78) is severely depressed and my controlling and cognitively sound dad (80) wants everything his way. Help. - AgingCare.com

My mom (78) is severely depressed and my controlling and cognitively sound dad (80) wants everything his way. Help.

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while my mother gets worse. My parents have always been there for me and have never been abusive, but now my father and I are constantly arguing over "what should be done" She is in the care of a psychiatrist, but they never seem to follow through with anything. My mom manipulates my father and in turn he refuses to accept help. He calls for advice, but never takes it or if it is remotely threatening to him he yells at me. I understand this is "their" dance, but in the meantime my mother is now refusing to get out of bed and she will not eat.

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If you can get a quiet time to talk with your father, ask him what he sees in the future. Ask how he plans to handle the problems that keep coming back. Remind him of the doctor's advice, and ask what he thinks, and if he has a problem with it. If it were my father, I could imagine the power struggles I'd get into, but you want to try to be his calm, sensible, detached friend who is just wondering how things are going.

Julidu's advice about the worst case scenario is good. Good luck!
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That is tough. My general process is to go to the worse possible situation and work backwards. Maybe explaining to your father how bad this can get if it doesn't change? Your mother being checked into a facility? Is bringing in a neutral 3rd party an option or someone your parents respect/like? Maybe hearing it from someone else would break through?
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