How can I get mom to stop sending money to mail-in sweepstakes? She refuses to believe they are scams!

I tried everything and finally since I have Power of Attorney, I had her checks made so that it took two people to sign them. That worked for awhile until she started forging my name on them. Then I put a stop payment $20 per check on the ones she had written, some of which were $20 or less so that they would NOT pay to those companies again in the future and took my mother OFF of her own bank account so that her signature were not good, and just took over her banking. She spent $600 one month out of her $800 income to Kreskin (the mind bending pschic and sweepstakes) so it was getting out of hand. She spends all of her time shuffling through her mail. I now have her mail coming to me. They will not forward bulk mail so they have to put a lock on her mailbox so the junk won't be delivered to her. This has gone one for 4 years and more money than I can count. She has thought of every trick in the book to hide it from me to continue mailing out to these scams and finally this is my last resort. She will not believe they are scams even though I have shown her some of their names online as scam artists. I live in another state so I cannot monitor her every move. I feel horrible, but I am going to have my girlfirend get her magazines to read on her horoscope and hope it keeps her busy with her need to read this stuff. Don't know what else to do. I am also looking into Assisted Living.

I had the exact same problem with my Dad. He was sending money like crazy to sweepstakes. He too, had thought it was all a scam, and started to believe he was going to win for sure. Little did I know, that is was because of the dementia. I believe in order to prevent this and other scams, one needs to acquire POA, and file for Guardianship/Conservatorship. That is what I had to do with my Dad, so her could no longer be scammed or hurt by these scam artists.

A word of advice to those of you thinking that placing your parent in Assisted Living will help....putting my dad, addicted to sweepstakes/get-rich-quick scams, in a facility (at a cost of $4000 per month) made the situation worse than when he was living alone, as they tell me that they have no authority to either filter his mail or to stop him from spending almost 100% of his waking hours in his room writing checks!

The ONLY way to stop them from being scammed while in assisted living is to make sure you have Guardianship/Conservatorship. That way, they no longer control their finances, and cannot write checks. Have their mail forwarded to the Guardian/Conservator, and they will not receive the junk mail.

kareno If you susspect dementia the sooner she is diagnosed and properly medicated the better. The meds will slow down the process. Just remember that once meds are taken for dementia it is very important that they are taken at routine schedule, if not it can be a bigger problem, and someone else needs to give them to her due to her confusion.You have a great and patient, open mind and open heart, try to hold on to all of this. You have figured out the puzzle so to speak. I just want to give a heads up on the "weak point" it took me a while with my Mom to figure this out but, just when you think you figured her out... she is doing the same thing, you also have "weak points" too and she will most likely find yours so, just be aware of the "LIL' TRIX". My mother faked naps so she could "escape" (I was so terrible I locked her in..LOL I am horrible for keeping her safe) she faked me out by distraction when she was taking her plls, I would find them hidden in drawers in my car my friend found them at her house , and I" swear she had swollowed them (I was poisining her she thought) the list goes on but you get my point. She was making me think she was being good so she could do the opposite. The other day at the NH she acted like she wanted to have a nice visit so I got comfy and took my coat off (nice and long visits are few and far between, I should have known...DUH) no sooner did she distract me, so she could grab my coat. I thought that she thought it was hers at first, but she knew it was mine and said "you took all my coats so I'm taking yours" unfortunally she saw me give some of her 100 coats to good will prior to her NH days. How she recalls that ???? but she does. So try not to let her know or see things that are dramatic, when you really are just trying to do whats best. Good Luck and stay possative!!!!

wuvsicecream, thanks for your comment. I derive so much comfort from reading about the trials and tribulations of other caregivers also.

I hear exactly what you are saying. My mom is at the Nursing Home temporarily now because she broke a rib. Her dementia is so much worse at hospitals and at these NH's.

She called me a couple of days ago and said "Karen. I'm done at the hairdressers now. I need you to pick me up." yes, she had just gotten her hair done there, but no, she was not being released that day. She got angry with me when I started questioning her. I was trying desperately to figure it out. Was she really done at the nursing home? The more I tried to GENTLY question her, the angrier she got. I spoke with one of the nurses there and explained the situation and she went to talk to mom. "Hey, you know you're here for therapy right?" Mom: "yes" and that was the end of that.

What? You have to be kidding me! Mom was on a tirade with me and insistent that I had to pick her up and 2 damn seconds later, she all of sudden "gets" it, Huh? I asked the nurse "did mom mention anything about me picking her up?" No, says the nurse.

Double duh!

Is dementia really like this? Out of it one minute with anger and persistence and then "with it" the next?

karen, yep, that pretty much describes it. Ruth is in late stage Alz, and does not have many lucid moment anymore, but one second she would be angry about something and next second laughing about something I said. Just have to learn to be flexable, and go to thier world. Ruth no longer lives in mine. If she says it's raining then I agree with her. If she thinks I am Benny her long dead brother, then I am Benny. I can not imagine the hell that goes on in her head, the confusion, the fear, the feeling of being out of control all the time. And most of the time it is simply the tone of my voice. If I am calm, she will calm down. ect.
Right now she is in the NH while I heal from a broken knee that I received in one of her sundowning tirades. Could not get the family to listen that her sundowning was becomeing more violent. Now it is costing them a lot more than what a Dr. visit and some new meds would have cost. Oh well, such is the life of a caregiver.. Try posting on the "Gross" thread. You will meet more people, laugh and get hugs and a lot of good suggestions on the day to day things we do. You will also get to vent and be heard, not judged, and sent hugs. Hope you join us there, we have a lot of fun...

I'm going through this too although it's more like the "legitimate" sweepstakes - Pub. Clearing House. Mom keeps buying all sorts of "crap" and I cannot emphasize that word enough thinking that we're going to win. She spends hours poring over the rules on the back and filling and pasting. She keeps telling me that she's doing it for me so I'll have $$. Meanwhile, she's too tired to have the home aide come over and give her a shower or for me to give her a sponge bath but she has energy for this crap. This is new within the last few months. Is it dementia -- don't know. Obviously, some type of cognitive impairment. It's annoying to say the least but since it's her $$ and her house and she's paying all the necessary bills -- all I can do is be annoyed at this point. Probably will have to start intercepting the mail at some point just to save me from having a blowout with her.

Kedwards460, I truly feel for you. And even though you may think of Publisher's Clearing House as legit, they're not as legit as they should be. They have been sued quite a few times for false advertising.

Truthfully, I look at my mother's money differently than you do. I just have a different take on it than you do. I consider how my mother really used to spend money (without the dementia thinking) and how she does it now. I also look at the possibility of her winning from any of the sweepstakes. It is ridiculously small.

I know that in the past, she would always say that people don't win from the sweepstakes and that they are a waste of money (and they are). Pub Clearing House should have a bomb dropped on them by all of the caregivers of our fragile, well intentioned seniors who are bombarded with the "you have won" crap that they get in the mail. They are truly the devil incarnate. They are NOT in business so our elders can win money, they are business to make MILLIONS of dollars off our elderly. I am doing my best to ensure that those vultures get not one penny from my mother. They can victimize some other senior, not my mom.

Karenp, I read what you said and I hope you dont' think I'm just being cold and uncaring about mom's money (I dont' think you are). I just feel kind of helpless. I'm her caregiver (in her house). I'm unemployed right now and being her caregiver is my job so she's paying my upkeep (like the gum surgery that I just had that cost plenty) and I don't feel I have a right to tell her what to do. She is pasteing Pub Clear. crap right now as I write. It's so annoying! I have decided as of this day forward I'm going to censor the mail though and not give her any more of this sweepstakes crapola. I don't know how much she's spent on useless items but it's filling up 2 boxes of crap that neither of us will EVER use (who would?). She keeps telling me "Well you go to bingo and buy lotto tkts". I dont' think it's the same (and I actually have won more @ bingo and scratch offs than she has at this LOL).

You need to take her to the doctors and become Power of Attorney. If you go for conservatorship, it will cost ALOT. Trust me, I did it, and my mother paid Probate fees and attorneys fees for 6 months. She needs her money managed and you can stop those mailings.
My mother kept saying "YES" to every charity that called. Then, I got stuck calling them all and explaining that she has dementia and to please put her on the "do not call list." Soon it will be another OBSESSION...that is what they do, obsess over something, hair appointments, a food, money, until you end up with high blood pressure, like me. GOOD LUCK and act fast. The doctors notes will help you, but you need to be able to access them. Being a POA will ensure this~

Kedwards460, I absolutely do NOT think that you are being cold and uncaring about mom's money at all. And if that came across in my post to you, I do apologize.

Perhaps you feel that because she has been good to you that you shouldn't take away her happiness (pub clearing house). If only our seniors had the ability to rationalize their thoughts. They seem to lose the objectivity that we have and think in more subjective ways instead.

This is how I make my decisions: I ask myself "What is the worst thing that can possibly happen and I am ok with that?" So I asked and answered it like this: "The worst thing that can possibly happen is that mom gives all of her money away to Pub clearing house and all the other sweepstakes companies. No, I am not okay with that." And that is why I got involved.

Everyone's case is different. If this was "controlled" in some way, say, maybe $10-$20 spent per week, but it wasn't.. She didn't remember that she has ordered magazines. She didn't remember that she had ordered microfiber cloths and a chintzy looking necklace/earring set.

To me, the worst predator is one who preys on the weak: our elderly are weak and trusting and believe the lies of con artists that show up at their door and sweepstakes turning up in their mailboxes yelling "you've won, you've won, just send us all your money until you're broke. Why? Because you've won!"

I do have POA and do get the mail directed here. I filter the mail and ONLY give my mom none sweepstakes/charity related mail. I don't give a hoot whether what I do is legal or not. Go ahead Mr. Mailman, I dare you to challenge me! Instead I care about my mother and want her to live her life with the little bit of money she has left so she can enjoy herself and have fun. Her money is hers, and does not belong to the sweepstakes and charities of the world. She has donated more than enough to both of them.

Yes, I am passionate about this. My dad is watching us from heaven. He slaved his ass off to acquire a little bit of money from his family. To see it being WASTED on sweepstakes and bogus charities is a SIN.

Okay, thanks for letting me vent!

You Mom sounds like she is on the same path as my Dad. Even the "I like doing it" is familiar. In my Dad's case education did not work and it even made him work harder to win a prize to prove me wrong (I told him that if they are asking for money they are likely crooks). Dad gets from 10 to 40 pieces of this mail each day! He thinks it is his job to go through it all and then he sends some of them money. I think I may have finally found out how to get the mail to stop but it is a lot of work. Once she has sent any money to them she gets on special mailing lists and her mail box will overflow. To get it to stop you need to send a letter requesting that they stop (of course with her permission) to each organization that is sending her mail. Once you send a letter the organization has 60 days to remove her from their mailing list and the Post Office will go after them if they do not stop. I am building a database and using mail merge to accomplish this for Dad. If you want more info please contact me.

Norm

Norm, you are 2 sweet. Thanks so much for the offer. Since all the mail comes to my house now I don't have any problems with the sweepstakes crap. I rip that junk up before she gets it. I only give her the bills now.

She is getting so forgetful now that she half the time she doesn't even remember that the bills come here anymore. I went down to the post office and gave them a copy of the power of attorney and they re-route the mail to me. Mom went there to change it back and they said no. I'm glad they did or the sweepstakes would have my mom's money. The guy at the post office said that an old woman had been ripped off for 200K. I'll be damned if anyone gets their claws on our money. We have been ripped off in the past and I will do my darndest to not let that happen again!

Karenp,

Would you be willing to send me the sweepstakes and scam mail that you are filtering for your Mom? I am compiling a database in hopes to help others with this problem and the more of these crooks I can get listed the better the list.

Norm

Of course I would ask that the name and address be blocked out, torn off, or something as I do not want to obtain private information only the names and addresses of the scammers.

Thanks,

Norm

Surf3fin -
I might have some that i took from my dad. Same thing is happening to him. I'll check to see if I still have them.

That would be appreciated.

Norm

Best wishes getting this solved. For us it lasted a LONG time

I have been sending letters to each of the scam mail generators telling them to stop sending mail to my dad. So far it seems to be helping but many of these folks do not seem to care about the law and I am not sure if the postal inspectors will do much about it. I am trying to follow the law and do my best but I am thinking that if you can get control of the incomming mail and toss out the scam stuff that is the best solution.

It's good to know that back in March, KarenP got this problem taken care of. Congratulations, Karen!

Thanks. It was tough to do. Now my problem is getting my mom to wear her hearing aid (another thread here somewhere). Now I don't see that one as working out so well.

The above post makes me feel a little better. My Mother is also caught up in these sweepstakes. She now thinks that someone will bring her a check next month. She wrote 300 hundred checks in about six weeks. About 250 of them for entry fees, several political, and medical causes. I stopped buying her stamps. My fear is that monies will be removed from her checking account. It is hrd to believe she is ding these things.

I had the same problem with my dad - almost to the letter - I found out how to fix it and have the information posted on a web site I built.

KarenP,
I have POA so I went to the post office and forwarded my mom's mail but they told me if she wanted it back she could, when my mom find out I am sure she will go to the post office. How did you get the post office to help me and comply?

I did take her off of some mailing lists and even receive a partial refund for her, however, now there are new ones, this could get to be a full time job.

Claudia

Claudia,

Your post concerns me greatly. When I went to the post office and told them that mom has dementia and that I want the mail to come to me I met with the supervisor in a small office so I could explain my actions to her. She asked if I had POA. I told the supervisor that I did. She said to get her a copy of it. I gave her a copy. I asked what would happen if my mom came into the post office and told them that she wanted her mail to be delivered back to her. The supervisor told me that because I have POA, she would explain to my mom that it is best for the mail to come to me.

I would suggest you:
1. Go back to the post office with a copy of the POA and any supporting documents about your mom's condition
2. Ask to speak to a supervisor in a separate office as this is a personal matter
3. Explain what problems have occurred because of your mom handling the mail, e.g. paying the wrong amount, ordering things she doesn't need, giving all her money away to every single charity that comes a knocking in the mailbox
4. Show her the document/s outlining your mom's condition/disability/dementia whatever. I doubt they will want to keep any of them.
5. Give them a copy of the POA and tell them that you are representing your mother who cannot represent her wishes anymore. Why? Because of her dementia/disability

When I spoke to the supervisor, I made it very personal and I think that helped.

Claudia, please let me know how it goes.

Karen,

The person who told me that my mom could change her mail back must have been mistaken, my brother called her post office after I got your message and talked to them and was told she would not be allowed to change her mail back since we provided them with the POA. I just hope in six months that she has moved on. I have spent the last two months researching this and I think your solution is the one that will do the trick and I thank you.
As far as the sweep companies go check the back of the checks and google the names of the company for contact info. I actually received a portion of what my mom sent to one company and I am waiting to hear from one other. I am setting up an account for her that she knows nothing about, so if she needs money down the road she has a little stash.

Thanks so much for your great suggestions. You're the best

Claudia

Hey Claudia, SOOOO happy I helped you. None of this is easy. I am learning by trial and error. I know with my mom's dementia that almost every single day she would ask about the mail and I would tell her that "the doctor had said that you shouldn't be handling the mail because you are having a little bit of memory loss here and there." Was she satisfied by my answer? Hell, no! BUT at least it took the burden off me being the bad guy. The doctor had said it was okay to make her "the bad guy." If you have go to any of your mom's doctor's appointments with her, perhaps you could tell the dr (out of earshot of your mom of course) what you have done and why you have had to do it. Presumably her dr already knows what is going on and will support you. You can either use the same excuse I used or make up one of your own.

My mother's dementia has escalated from mild/moderate to moderate now in less than a year. She no longer asks about the mail as intently as she did before. She probably asks about once a month. Initially she would DEMAND that we both go to the post office and have it changed back. I would either say "you have to get the ok from the dr. in order to do that mom" (invariably she would forget by the time the dr;'s appt came around), or I would just distract her.

I will pray for you tonight. You are a wonderful daughter Claudia!

Karen

hope this helps, what I do is get the mail since my mom lives with me, I go through it and only give her 2 pieces of mail a day, the rest I rip up and throw away, only publishers clearing house sweepstakes do i give her and some charties that she will donate 10 dollars to as she is very generous and this makes her feel good, lots of hugs

Feelings mutual. I did a show on how my Dad was taking advantage untill 60K was gone to scammers.