How can I get mom to stop sending money to mail-in sweepstakes? She refuses to believe they are scams!

Has your mother always been unstable with money or is this a new thing? If it's new, then she's got mental problems would be my guess. Gotta take control of the money somehow if she's showing signs of dementia. If her mental health is okay, at least as far as the dementia/alzheimers thing goes, then if you told her that doctors are going to think she IS mentally ill, and put her in a 'home' what would she say? However SOMEONE does have to win the lotteries etc. but the chances are like, getting struck by lightning while sitting on an iceberg at the North Pole.

She was never unstable with money. This is a new thing. In one of my previous posts I had written that I took mom for a 3 hour intensive dementia assessment. They said she does not have dementia. She has mild cognitive impairment.

If I told her that I was going to tell the doctors about this, she would get angry with me for "threatening" her.

If it were lotteries, e.g. state lotteries where you buy the ticket at 7-eleven etc or even the scratch offs I agree that someone has to win because those are legit. However, she is entering into sweepstakes which come in the mail. Those are sent from companies which may not even exist. All it takes is a printer, an address, a stamp, and a catchy headline. "you are guaranteed to be a winner of at least TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS." ...Just send us $19.95 so we can expedite your check...And she does send the money. Any fool could sit in his bedroom, buy a mailing list and start racking in the profits. Lotteries are strictly regulated by the state. Sweepstakes entries which come in the mail aren't.

My fear is that she will keep sending money to them and the amount they ask for will keep increasing in lieu of "winning" more money. I have watched many heartbreaking stories on the news, Dateline etc of the elderly being ripped off and losing their life savings. I am trying to stop that from happening to my mother. All they need is one of her checks and then they have the routing number and account number to do what they want. It's so scary.

And yes, the chances of winning a legit lottery are remote. And that's for the legitimate lottery. Imagine the odds for the sweepstakes which come in the mail. I'd say closer to non-existent!

That's how my mother-in-law started. She had her home and car payed for she got so in debt before dementia set in she refinanced the house and car. My husband and I ended up having to move in with her to keep her from being out on in the streetor in a facility. And beleivie it wasn't easy. She would still slip money in the mail past up and then forget sending it and accuse us of stealing it. Once we moved in we found out serious the problem was their was scamers calling her all day for money. In one year she had sent out over $25,000. You're so right to try to catch her mail. After she stops repling it eases up some in a couple of years. But they know they are elderly and they target the ones they think have no to stop it. Good luck and God bless.

My mother was always telling us when we were little to avoid scams and there is "no such thing as a free lunch." However, I noticed recently that she asks me questions such as "I got a call about a sweepstakes, do you think its real?" If you had told me that my Mom would even give these scams a moment's notice, I wouldn't have believed it. Mom does not have dementia and her mind is sharper than mine. I think it is a matter of lonliness or that these companies both give them attention and offer something fun and exciting. Of course they are scams. I have talked to Mom at great length about hanging up on these guys and tossing solicitations in the garbage, but I have to gurantee that she would do it.
The only way you can guarantee that your Mom will not respond to these scams is to take over her finances with a financial Power of Attorney. This way you could monitor her accounts and stop checks if need be. I would hate to see her hard earned money go to these rats. These companies have profiles of their "clients" and target those over 60. There ought to be a hot rock in hell wating for all of 'em.
Does your Mom understand that she is jeopardizing her future if she throws away all of her money? There are very few good housing options even if you are wealthy.
If that does not scare her then you need to take charge before this escalates.
good luck
Lilli

KAREN:

You tried reasoning, the dementia assessment, intercepting her mail. Nothing worked. ... Reminds me of people addicted to something they don't want to give up (e.g. gambling).

It's obvious she doesn't know -- or doesn't care about -- the difference between legitimate sweepstakes and scams. So let's educate her with the Federal Trade Commission's tips for consumers to keep in mind before responding to an "It's Your Lucky Day" call or letter:

(1) Legitimate sweepstakes don't require you to pay or buy something to enter or improve your chances of winning, or to pay "taxes" or "shipping and handling charges" in advance to get your prize;

(2) Sponsors of legitimate contests identify themselves prominently; fraudulent promoters are more likely to downplay their identities. Legitimate promoters also provide you with an address or toll-free phone numbers so you can ask that your name be removed from their mailing or calling list; and

(3) It's highly unlikely that you've won a "big" prize if your notification was mailed by bulk rate. Check the postmark on the envelope or postcard. Also be suspicious of telemarketers who say you've won a contest you can't remember entering.

Other than these tips, I don't know what else to suggest except show my support by screaming with you out the window. But with my luck and the neighbors I have here in the Bronx, I'm sure someone will call 911 or Animal Control. ... And I just might win a trip to the nearest psych ward ... which I'll definitely have to pay for.

Wish you the best my friend, and don't be a stranger.

-- ED

I have a slightly different take on this only because I don't know the details of how much she is spending on products in order to get into these supposed sweepstakes. I like what Ed wrote, and showing her that info would be very useful to her. If she still insists on doing it, however, and as long as you can see that she is spending a relatively small amount (hopefully) of her own money, then maybe it's a harmless interest of hers until she gets fed up with not winning and stops on her own. Good luck.

One thought -- you know you're not getting through. Maybe someone else would get through. A friend, neighbor, minister... a whole group of people, like a mini-intervention but it looks like a coffee klatsch. You're talking about exerting influence, and that's always stronger coming from multiple sources.

My dad's been doing the same thing. (I also posted suggestions on what to do long ago.) It got so bad my mom had our home telephone number (the # they've had for 40+ years) changed to unlisted. Worked for a little while. Until he started sending checks again which include their phone number.

When I was home I intercepted a few calls, told them I'd let my father know he called and "forgot" about it.

They started using official government agency names like the FDC and another one that I've forgotten. Of course I left messages with the agencies and never heard back from them. I had already filled out their online forms and never heard back from those either. I thought that since I had their phone numbers and since they were using real government agencies to try to swindle money from seniors they might be a little more apt to get the info from me and do something. Nope.

My mom tries to take all of the sweepstakes mail as soon as it comes in but she's not always successful. Sending the mail to a PO Box isn't an option. He would get very upset and my mom wouldn't want to go some place to pick up the mail every day.

I'm stuck too. Our bank was helpful with holding off on getting his checks to him. But again he would get upset if he thought they were keeping things from him.

They cover themselves by "awarding" enough "winning" entries with $3.99 & $5.99 checks to keep from being shut down. Even when my dad sees that he still thinks he's going to win more eventually. There's no reasoning with him.

I wish I could help you. But I don't have any answers for us either. If I ever find out anything I'll be posting to help everyone else out. Other than going to Bermuda, the Bahamas, Jamaica or where ever they are and beating the crap out of them I don't know what to do. That's at the top of my list right now.

My brother experienced similar things with a man he was caring for. He solved the problem by stopping mail delivery to that address. Instead, he had every piece of his friend's mail sent to his own address. My brother would then go through the man's mail, throw out such junk and hand carry 'proper' mail to his friend. It almost always wasn't important to open any letters as it was easy to determine the type from the envelope. My brother saved the man's bank account and surely headed off the further passing of his name and address to others who would send the same type of junk.

V

Contact each solicitor and request she be taken off the mailing list. This can be done via internet, or phone. It's a hassle, but better to have to deal with it now before she gets herself in trouble..

My Mom did the same thing. She would send checks to every organization/scam that came along. She would also get e-mails saying she won. Before she goes on the computer I check all e-mails to make sure there is nothing she can respond to. I am POA for her and on her accounts. Although she is not capable any longer to do this, you have to put a stop to it. Now she waits for the mail lady then she would hide the mail. I had to ask to Post Office for the mail lady to hand deliver the mail now to me. They get sneaky. Its amazing. Good Luck

Do not give her the mail, just rip it up and throw it away, that is what I do, hope this helps, hugs

the advice from ED is good, power of att. over finances, i want to add, have her checks require 2 siginatures, the more ways you can prevent these "sweepstakes" from getting her money, is saving her money, and discouraging their contact with her.search for someone that has ever won a sweepstakes? go to gambler annonious meetings, or start one, others may benifit. firstgirl carol

I monitor my father's mail daily. When we learned what he was doing, he had already given thousands of dollars to the frauds and scams and sweepstakes. I still have his moneygram receipts for over $8000.00 in just two months. I learned of the situation when the bank refused to have him as a customer because he had monthly overdraft fees of over $2000.00. He lost his health insurance because he didn't pay the monthly due. He lost his insurance; he didn't pay his household bills. He had an unpaid credit card bill of over $25,000.00 When I took over 1 1/2 years ago as POA, his finances were a real mess. I'm still catching up, but many people were willing to work with me once I called, talked with them, and worked out payments. Giving away money to sweepstakes, frauds, and scams is addictive and is VERY serious. Please help your senior parent any way you can to stop it.

Wow coleen, that is why I am so scared. When I took her for the dementia testing and I told them about the sweepstakes, they said I shouldn't be concerned, it's only a few dollars here and there. Yeah, for right now. But it can easily turn into more money. I wish I had a mother who would allow me to take over her, but I don't. I have one who fights me tooth and nail and is ALWAYS RIGHT, no matter what.

Okay, apparently I am in the midst of a meltdown:

Honestly, right now I hate my life. I wish I was dead. I wish my mother was dead. I cannot stand living anymore. No, it's not just the stupid sweepstakes. It's the entire situation.

It's her yelling at me today because I told her that she probably shouldn't have drunk out of the same glass as the person next to her (one of my daughter's friends who she just met two hours ago). "Stop making such a big deal about it Karen." Geez, I only said it once. No matter what I say I'm wrong.

It's her complaining about everything, the food is too hot, the tea isn't hot enough, the person who we went with should have ordered a smaller pizza because she didn't eat it all.

And most importantly (I am crying like a baby now) I'm just sick to f-ing death (sorry, I'm just at wits end) of having to see her almost every damn day, for hours at a time. Today was 12 noon to 7pm. I see her four days a week for 20 to 30 hours a week. I hate it.

She calls me in the morning and has to get together with me because she's lonely, lonely, lonely. But refuses to call anyone or go anywhere or take the initiative to do anything. I am sick to death of her sitting downstairs in my living room while I work, just waiting with bated breathe to catch a glimpse of me. I feel like my mother's obsession, not her daughter. I feel like I am the breathe to her lungs. She cannot function without being with me all the time. Don't even bother advising me to talk to her. I have and she gets defensive and angry and doesn't want to talk about it.

Today I had the audacity to say to her that a friend of mine and I might go out to the movies together (yeah, like I could actually have a moment without my mother) to which she replied, "Oh I wish I could go." I hear those words from her all the time and I am sick to death of it. Why can't she say, "Great. Have a good time" like I do with my adult daughters? I feel like a piece of crap right now because I wish she or I were no longer alive. I cannot go on living like this. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life.

I feel so alone. I have no brothers and no sisters. I have no relatives except for my mom and my two adult daughters. When mom wakes up she has only one goal for the day - how quickly can she see me and how much time can we spend together and what can we do together and who can we see together.

I AM SICK TO DEATH OF BEING TOGETHER WITH HER. Am I a lousy piece of crap?

You are a wonderful, caring daughter who is only human and is frustrated over what is a frustrating and time-consuming situation. Nothing that you wrote about youself, your mom, or your experience is out of the norm. I have gone through something similar, but did not have to spend as much time with my mom as you are having to with yours. Luckily I have a sister who is now helping - although she lives two hours away. My moms is still able to cook and shop for herself. I know this may not help, but your mom at least wants you around and enjoys your company. My mom needed me to make out bills and take her to a mall that is out of walking distance, but toward the end, she acted as if she hated me every time she talked to me- that was the mild dementia, I discovered. Prior to that, she did try and at least be nice most of the time. When she became accusatory and hateful toward my son and husband, as well as myself, my sister had to take over. If there is any one friend that your mom has that she would like to spend more time with, maybe that person could come over once a week and spend the afternoon chatting with your mom to free up your time? My mom had two friends and disliked everyone else and wanted to do little to no socializing. I wish I had a cure or absolute advise on how to fix this for you, but unfortunately, this kind of behavior seems very common according to all of the postings I've seen across this website. Mabye knowing that you are not alone in your experience with your mom will give you some peace of mind that you are not crazy or weird. It's o.k. to be sad and feel very down over all of this, as I still do. Unless your mom or you find something to keep her happily occupied, she will fixate on you. Best of luck, I am hoping that your situation improves very soon.

Those ads and personal mailings are very convincing and many are drawn into this, not just the elderly. I had the same problem. Nothing worked until I queried the name of the sweepstakes on line and found tons of other postings from people saying they were taken and also websites from state attorney general offices warning about these scams and reflecting prosecutions and restrictions. Also there is a site called charity navigator which reports on most non profits regarding how effectively they used money for actual programs intended as opposed to salaries. When I printed and showed some of the salaries - problem solved. here is the site http://www.charitynavigator.org/
So I make the screens with this info in a large print easy to read (you can copy and enlarge font) and said - here read these and if you still want to give your money, fill out the forms, etc then ok, it is your money . Read it and like a miracle - there were no more demands to participate. Same problem occurred with donations to a political party - once they get ahold of you they never stop and then they send endless letters and sell your name to other organizations. Same solution - the Washington Post recently printed a story about how the major political parties waste a lot of the donations. Read it and the desire to donate stopped. Combine this strategy with contacting each sender and tell them to take name off list. Another thing you can do if they are calling is to get on another line and demand that they tell your family member exactly who they are and how much they are paid to call and ask for money. Tell them you are recording the call. This also is effective in ending these solicitation phone calls.

KAREN...you are not a piece of crap..it's just overload...!

First off I remember when my cousin told me about his dad writing check to everyone and their brother all the crap that came in the mail where anybody wanted money he was sending checks. My cousin said he had stacks of this stuff he was mailing checks to...I said why didn't you stop him. I don't remember his answser, he may not have had any POA or joint with his father...don't know how much he squandered before he died.

How old is your mom? Do you see any forms of pre-dementia? When they get irrational about stuff is I believe is when the crux is starting to turn. Okay get a hold of yourself Karen I am going to throw you a hard blow. "Guess what it is only going to get worse..yep...oh believe me she will glom onto even more as she ages. I would take her to a psychaitrist or if that was the one that said don't worry about it..take her to another one, and start some meds. Don't wait for a blowout-----which the stupid medical profession usually likes to wait for before starting any meds. Today marks the 12th year my mom has glomed onto me since my dad died....she is now in a really sluggish state..but before I got there had to go through a lot of hell...so be prepared...either you get some meds for her or you go to a psych and get some meds for you...cause it will test you...oh will it test you. I as well have no family to count on nor any siblings nor husband nor kids...it's just me alone.....it was tough g/f believe me....but you finally reach the end...cause NO ONE IS MORTAL...thank goodness! Please please Karen...it's not just you...there are many of us that go through this type of crap. My mom I only figured out a couple of years ago was NPD (Narcissitic Personality Disorder..with some paranonia thrown in as well)...so it is a rough rough road...but you will make it..trust me. Hang in there...!!!!!! I am the only one my mom gloms onto as well...haven't had a vacation in 12 years....could not go anywhere because she would say what about her....yeah she was healthy as a horse at 75 when all this started....did not think I was going to be a prisoner for 12 years...!

I transcribe police reports for about 25 police departments. This is a very real threat. I see it every day. It only takes a person to be desperate, too trusting, or not of sound mind in some form or another. Once she sends in her info to these bogus prize agencies, she will get a phone call from an "authorized agent." They will talk her into sending a preset amount of money in order to receive her prize. Once she does this, she will not hear anything for awhile. She will get anxious and call the number they provided to her. At that point they will tell her to send more money. It's always a different reason why they need more money. Watch her phone bill for calls to places like Canada, England, anywhere in the Caribbean, etc. Have your name put on her bank account as a joint account. Make sure you sign up for online banking. You can then monitor any pending withdrawals daily and nip it in the bud. See if you can get her to sign a power of attorney for her business matters to cover your @#$%. These are very real preditors and they are normally out of the country where they are safe from the laws of the country where they are victimizing citizens. If something does happen, make a police report, notify the bank of the issue and that you made a police report and provide the bank fraud unit with the report number. Her money is insured so if you take the correct steps any money should be put back into the account. Don't waste any time in taking these steps because the first thing the police will ask is why you waited so long to report the incident. I hope this helps anyone who is having this issue or any other issue pertaining to money and/or identity theft.

Dear karenp, You have done the right thing, by having her mail redirected to your address. In Australia, with this type of Scheme, we can contact the Office of Fair Trading, maybe you have something similar in your area. I can see your Mums' point of view, some-one has too win, but unfortunately, some of these Schemes are illegal. Hope you you can get your Mum to see that she is wasting her time. "Good Luck" Regards, Gossips

tell her you are going out, and can mail them for her.
then open up and,get the money out,and toss the junk away

I would like to recommend contacting the postmaster where you live. This sounds like mail fraud to me. Also, contact the state's attorney general. They should have a consumer protection department. To satisfy her desire to enter sweepstakes, you might consider getting her a subscription to a legitimate sweepstaking newsletter. I used to get one myself. They give you all the rules and addresses to enter REAL sweepstakes, as well as helpful tips. All it costs, other than the subscription rate, is the cost of envelopes, stamps, and 3x5 cards and note pads. I won a few small prizes, myself ,in the year or less that I did it. Winning real prizes that you learn about from a trustworthy newsletter will surely be much more fun than what she's been doing. If she will just enter ONLY the ones her newsletter tells her about...

Jennie, Wow, what a great idea about the legitimate sweepstakes. I never thought of that. Would you mind telling me the name of a legitimate one if you know one? Thanks.

My mother in law kept sending money to a lot of charities. Fifteen dollars each but ended up her checking account was $7,000 in the red because she couldn't balance her check book. My advice is take away her finances, pay her bills and get her what she needs.

I think the one I used to get was called "Contest Newsletter". I searched for it on Yahoo, and came up with it and others as well, some of which appear to be free! Good luck. Glad you liked the idea.

Thanks so much Jennie and to everyone else who took time to respond

My 88 year old dad has been doing this for six years, and has spent over $150,000 on scams, sweepstakes, etc, almost all of his life's savings! Once a year he becomes so agitated that he allows me to throw all of the letters away (he gets at least 25 a day), and he has moved twice and returned to the post office after I left instructions not to forward mail, and it starts all over again. He spends every waking hour writing checks (about a hundred $20 checks a month, or $2000!). I have tried reasoning with him, explaining how these are scams, etc etc...his banker has explained, his psychiatrist has explained, but he just thinks we are all out to get him. Why is there no way to either stop the scammers or take over financial responsibility for our parents when they clearly are under the influence of alzheimers! Someone has to be able to do something.

This seems to be a common problem, scam artist take advantage of anyone who is willing to scam. Scammers prey on the weak. Simple but temporary solution is a mailbox that locks. Or instead of arguing about it offer to help fill-out the forms and offer to go to PO to mail it for them. Go with the flow of the scenerio, fighting it is pointless and stressful and endless.
Anyone who has a mental illness should not be in control of thier legal, finacial, health issues, driving or anything that can cause harm or danger to themself or anyone else. Therefore, someone else needs to be there for them, and 2 ways to do so are, the person giving power, by signing Power Of Attorney, or by Guardianship granted by Court, if you haven't done so at this point. Getting proper diagnosis of behavioral health is first step you should take once this kind of problem is an issue.

Karen, have you had any luck with the "legitimate" sweepstakes research you were interested in? I know it's sad to see an elderly person or any person, for that matter, gamble their money away, but if you found some that were at least not criminal enterprises, that would be better than nothing? Also, most legitimate sweepstakes are free! Maybe just the act of filling in the entrance fields is exciting for your mom, and she doesn't need to send in any money.

To give everyone an update:
I was going to "just" do the legitimate sweepstakes for my mother, but I have a feeling that would then open up the floodgates for more. Since even "reputable" organizations sell their mailing lists, I didn't even bother.

Instead I went to the post office and explained my mom's situation (I love her. I am concerned. She probably has early dementia. She's sending checks all over the place and ordering things she said she never ordered).

Long story short, I asked them to forward all of her mail to me. And they did! They asked if I have Power of Attorney (I do) and asked me to drop off a copy to them (haven't done it yet) and they now forward everything here.

My advice to others in similar situations is not to give up. If you have POA go to the post office as I did. I told my mom I love her and I want to help her with her bills because I LOVE DOING PAPERWORK and I can't wait for us to the bills together and spend time together and chit chat doing it all at my house. Since mom loves being with me, it was an easy sell.

That day anyway. As you all know with memory issues, the same questions keep coming up "why am I not getting anymore mail?" etc to which I reply "I want to help with the bills because it's fun to do them with you" or something similar. So far, so good.

Find their "weak point" and capitalize on it. Just remember, you're doing it for their own good. White lies.