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She’s 83, has had four strokes and is at the beginning of dementia. She needs help to walk and is always tired. She can only speak short commands. All she cares about is getting her personal needs met. I’m trying to put her on a schedule that forces her to use her diaper, stay up longer and take long naps. I keep her in her own room all night. I am going to ask the doctor for stronger meds to help her be comfortable. I’m so frustrated. Please advise.

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After four strokes your mom is likely dealing with all she can and there are valid reasons for the self focus you’re seeing. After my mom’s strokes she became less and less interested in her favorite activities and increasingly isolated into herself. She just sat for hours. We now understand it was deep depression. I’m not so sure any forced schedule will be successful. Your mom is likely in a world of fear, pain (physical of emotional or both) and missing her former life. Add to that an awareness that her abilities are slipping from her grasp. I’d definitely take her to a doctor for an evaluation, see what you can and can’t realistically expect, see about meds for possible depression or change in mood, and decide if her care is still within your ability. I wish you both peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Be careful what you wish for. "Forcing her to use her diaper" will only cause you more work, when you now have to change her and clean her up. That's not very easy you know.
My husband, when he was still mobile in the last couple of years before he became bedridden, moved so slowly. Slower than a turtle, but his neurologist told me to keep him moving as long as possible, as that was so much better for him. So although you have to help her when she walks, it's still better for her to stay moving in whatever way she can.
And sadly when people develop some type of memory issues, it often leads to them becoming very self focused, with little to no empathy for those around them.
It certainly sounds like perhaps your mom is getting to be more than you can handle(not sure how your sister feels as you alternate weeks), and it might be time to be looking for a nice facility to place her in. You want her to be safe and well taken care of, and if that's not at home anymore, well so be it. Best wishes.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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I had my mom in my home for 15 years so I truly empathize with you. It’s exhausting!

I have read your profile and I don’t have experience with caring for an ALZ parent in my home. My mom has Parkinson’s disease.

You sound like I did during my caregiving days, just so tired, frustrated and isolated. I surrendered caring for her.

My mom is now under hospice care with a sibling. I did more than my share of caregiving. I am glad that your sister is helping you out.

Her care may become too much for all of you to handle as she progresses along with age and Alzheimer’s disease.

Have you considered placing your mom in a facility? Have you contacted Council on Aging for help? Have you looked into hospice care?

Best wishes to you and your family.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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