Mom's almost 80. She can't see her husband accept 1 hour a day in the nursing home. Any ideas as to how she can cope? - AgingCare.com

Mom's almost 80. She can't see her husband accept 1 hour a day in the nursing home. Any ideas as to how she can cope?

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The facility feels that she has abusive tendencies because she does raise her voice when her husband is not getting the proper care. The facility is refusing to give her more visit time.

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Well, My father's foot situation was asked to be addressed by Therapy. I am speaking with an Aide who does answer my questions and concerns but of course we wish that we could see things for ourselves. This Friday we are having a meeting with the Social Worker to address the visitations. We would like to get access back to his room. His Dr. never called me back on Saturday and the nurse ended up telling me he could not go so we called his friend on the telephone today and his friend was surprised to hear from Wally. It was nice we sang Happy Birthday together to his friend who turned 92 and also lives in a Assisted Living facility. This birthed an idea in my mother's mind to call his other friends who are in a nursing home. She is doing better with talking to the staff and the nurse and his aide are both responsive to us. We are able to address our concerns. They take care of them pretty quickly.
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There is something not right here. If your dad is not getting proper care they should be putting it right not restricting the complainer. Does it upset your father when she raises her voice or other residents and visitors? you don't say why dad is in the N/H and assuming you feel he can tolerate it the Dr should be doing everything in his power to help him go to the party not letting you know on Saturday. If necessary you could approach one of the aides who is off duty on Sunday and pay him to accompany you and help with dad's care. Nursing homes are very busy places and usually understaffed so the quality of the staff may not be as good as you would like. Consider a move if that is an option
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Also, find and get in touch with the Ombudsman. If your mother's concerns are warranted, or if they are a little exaggerated, he/she may be able to make the situation better without raised voices and hard feelings. No blame on your mother. It's just not easy to get back on good terms with the staff when you think they aren't doing their job, and they think you're "abusive."

I would try pretty hard to get them to eliminate that restriction. Try to find out what their issue is with your mother, and try to get her to express herself more gently, if needed, or try to get him somewhere better!

You are probably trying to handle this from a distance. That makes it so much harder. Best wishes to you both.
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In general, visiting time should not be restricted, but it is understandable when a visitor is upsetting to a patient. As to Dad's feet, the NH should have a foot doctor that comes to the facility every week or so to attend to the podiatry needs of every patient. Speak to the doctor or one of her nurses to get him on that schedule.
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I am trying to get my father out to a birthday party on Sun. for one of his friends. His Dr. is going to let me know on Saturday.
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It is verbal. She wanted her husband to get proper care of his feet.
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Are you talking about physically abusive tendencies? Toward whom? If it were my husband not getting proper care in a facility, I would definitely be raising my voice to somebody there!
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Could you take her husband out for lunch or a drive so he could have a visit with her?
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Thank you
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Skype is a great idea!
Does she have abusive tendencies if someone else is there with her? How does her husband feel about this, is he sad, relieved, indifferent? It always makes me sad if elderly couples are kept apart, but on the other hand abuse is not acceptable:-(
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