I moved Mom into assisted living with her consent. Less than two weeks later she's screaming 'why did you put me here?' What to do?

Follow
Share

After living in independent living, my 94 year old mother agreed she needed assisted living. I moved her fifteen miles from her city to be closer to me. It's been less than two weeks and she is screaming at me "why did you move me here". She has no hearing, refuses to use hearing aids, now loosing most of her sight to macular degeneration she is miserable and taking this unhappiness out on me. I have a sister who lives fifteen hundred miles away and only visits twice in the winter. I have thick skin, the problem is how do we make her understand this was the only option we had, she agreed and now there is no turning back?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
4

Answers

Show:
I agree with ba8alou and JessieBelle. It's an adjustment period and like ba8alou suggested, don't get into an argument or into a position where you have to explain yourself. If she's having a fit tell her you'll talk to her later when she's calmed down, say goodbye, then hang up or leave. Call her later to see how she is and do the same thing if it happens again.

It's been less than 2 weeks. When I move into a new place it takes me at least that long just to figure out where to put my shampoo bottle in the shower! Give her time to adjust.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Youngest, two weeks is pretty short, so give her time. She is just going into her adjustment phase. She is looking around for someone or something to blame, and you are the most handy thing. If your mother is normally easy to get along with, she should return to that person after she gets adjusted. She just needs a chance to make new friends and see what's around her. I hope adjustment happens fast, so it will be easier on her and you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Does she have a diagnosis of dementia? My mantra (learned here) for dealing with dementia is ARE--you don't Argue, Reason or Explain. Reassure her certainly. She is still in the adjustment period, talk to staff about how she acts when you're not around. Visit a little less for the immediate future and let her get used to her surroundings. Have the geriatric psychiatrist who doubtless comes to the facility visit her and prescribe accordingly--anti anxiety and or anti depressant meds can do wonders. Don't beat yourself up.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Xanax for starters, and Celexa will help. My MIL is in ALF and adjusting well with her peers. Occasionally she has a tantrum when she cannot run the show. She is in the hospital now, because she refused to use a walker and got tangled up in her cane, fell and broke her shoulder and bruised her knee on March 29th. She did not follow MD orders even after that. So on April 16th she had to be admitted and put on IV antibiotics for cellulitis, and needed to have the jellied blood drained from the knee. We told her "You did this to yourself." No sympathy should be offered to the non-compliant patient. Your mom won't wear a hearing aid? Too bad so sad, her fault, her problem. You just repeat the mantra of her being safe and well cared for. When she gets nasty with you, get up and go, or the abuse will continue. They forget a lot of things, but if you leave when she gets ugly, she will be nicer the next time.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.