Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing

38 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
1 2
Emma, could you take the clothes home with you, then rotate them by bringing the same ones back a few weeks later? Would she notice? Of course, bring them in a couple 'mall' or fancy store bags if you can.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Thank you all so much. I feel as though I have found a new level of support on this forum. So many great ideas. I love the idea about second hand store shopping. I have always enjoyed this myself so I can pursue this for her. Also about setting the boundaries for myself. In other words what I can live with and not letting her behavior get to me. I am going to think about this on my walk tonight. How I can detach with love. Great idea also about separating her clothes and only offering two outfits. Thank you all...
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
One of the ladies I care for has so many clothes, she could literally change four times a day for at least one year. The same for her nightwear (but here it would be a different nightgown every evening for one month). It took me forever, but I separated her clothes into catagories: "evening or church" dresses, skirts, slacks, blouses, vests, jackets (then) "daily" dresses, skorts, capris, jeans, bermudas, t-shirts, tops, etc. When "we do not have anything to wear", I re-arrange blouse to slacks (or skirt). I read somewhere you should only offer two outfits and have her choose from that. Rarely does that work, we usually go through several. My new dilemma, anything left out for later or the next day she will put over the clean clothes we just put on. The temperatures in our area have been hovering between 95 and 103. Sometimes I will find her sitting outside with as many as 4-5 tops and a jacket. Getting her to remove some of the clothing becomes quite the challenge. She has even gotten to where, she sleeps in whatever she had on that day (all of it). Then we start the "underwear wars" and/or "shower war" where we finally disrobe and begin again. I never raise my voice or even argue, mostly, it is a begging and/or pleading situation. Can I not see past the battle to offer a better solution? Ideas?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
It sounds to me like she is obsessing about her clothes, but that is not the real issue. If she is narcissitic, she may want the attention more than the clothes, or be trying to get some self esteem needs met this way. ( I am guessing here). With a narcissist, no amount of attention is ever enough for long, and if she uses clothes or buying clothig as a tool for attention getting, no clothing will ever be enough. If you can recognise that this is part of her illness and that she will never be satisfied with her clothing, then set some boundaries as to how often to shop, how much to spend etc, For practical reasons to make room in her closet, would she agree to giving some of her clothing away? Don't expect her to be happy or to change - unless this is associated with the UTIs. Also don't let it "get to you". It makes no sense, any more than the paranoid behaviours we often see here, make any sense, but then most narcissistic behaviour makes no sense to a normal person, and to some degree you have to learn to live with it. There is not much you can do to "fix" it" or to make her happy, You can set reasonable boundaries, and accept the situation so it doesn't bother you as much.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
Emma, I had similar problem with my mother as well. I think it stems from their shopping habits in the past; it did in my case, anyway. My mother was forever shopping and then having my poor father return most of it. She had a closet full of clothes as well and I was forever buying her new things. Yet, she would say "I have nothing to wear". The nurses told me she would give her clothes away to them or they would find them in the wastebasket.

So, the dementia and narcissistic personality played a huge role in this problem. I did start going to the second hand clothing stores as it was much cheaper. But, even though she had so much, she would deny it. When I took her shopping, she would buy clothes and then later didn't like them - it had become a pattern. So, I understand your frustration. And my mother couldn't afford to be doing all this shopping. The second hand store did help as I could frequently buy her different items more frequently. I tried to make her as happy as I could. Also, I would continually redirect the conversation. Thinking of you and hope you find something that works. Take care.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Can you tell if it is really clothes she wants, or unsupervised time at the mall? Is she no longer able to go on the bus?

Can she afford more clothes?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Why not go shopping at the local 2nd hand store? It would be fun, inexpensive, and maybe fill that need to get something new!
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
P.S. She has bought clothing in the past by going on the Independent Care facility bus on shopping excursions. That was how she used to buy clothes...
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
1 2
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter