My Mom (96) lives in a memory care unit and has become very rude to other residents and caregivers. Any advice?

Follow
Share

She's very angry and becoming very unpopular. She lives with l5 other people, only one of whom she can talk to who can answer her back. All the CGs like her. The activities director bring her to activities in the ALF just up the hall which she enjoys but she's been saying outloud, "Don't say hello to her. She talks too much," or something to that effect. They initially try and distract her but when it doesn't work, they want to give her Xanax to calm her down which I understand but it wrecks her sleep. I don't think she's as bad as the others but they don't have a 'level' or 'stage' of those in this unit which I think she would benefit from. My sister who lives a mile away is afraid she's going to get kicked out as she's become combative before. I think she's so angry she's there but when we ask her where she'd rather go she doesn't know.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
3

Answers

Show:
Has anybody at the unit said anything negative to your sister, or is she just curling up with misery and embarrassment because of the things your mother is saying about other residents? Unless there have been mutterings about her 'unsuitability' or anything like that, I think Jeanne's right - and I promise you she will not be the worst they've ever had to manage.

Asking your mother where else she wants to live, by the way, is not a fair question. She cannot process reasoning in that way. Instead, explain to her that this is home now, a safe place where she can be looked after.

Try not to feel responsible for your mother's rudeness. She can't help it, and you most certainly can't.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Asking a dementia patient where they want to go is an exercise in frustration for everyone. When you say the Xanax wrecks her sleep, do you mean it makes her sleepy during the day and then she doesn't sleep at night? Can they give her a lower dose?

I agree with Jeanne, speak to the DON,, and see what the facility is thinking. I doubt they are looking to kick her out if they aren't calling you often to report her behavior as out of bounds.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Why is she in the memory care unit? Is she a wanderer? Was she moved there when she became combative? It would be hard to live among people who cannot converse with you, wouldn't it? It is good that the CGs bring mom to activities in the ALF.

What do you mean that she would benefit from a "stage" in the unit? I'm not sure I understand that concept.

Part of dementia is often the loss of inhibitions. Saying "she talks too much" might stem from anger or anxiety, or it may simply be that Mom is losing the inhibitions which generally keep us from saying the first thing that pops into her mind.

Meet with the director of nursing for the memory care unit, and discuss the pros and cons of medicating Mom when she is particularly disturbed. She can't be happy when she is displaying angry behavior and perhaps giving her something to calm her would be a kindness. If it isn't anger or anxiety but just inappropriately speaking her mind, medications might not be as useful.

If Mom has a care conference coming up soon, you and Sis should attend and listen to what the various staff people have to say about Mom's behavior, and what their suggestions are.

At 96 and in memory care, Mom shouldn't really have to care about winning any popularity contests. If the CGs like her and can take good care of her, that is most important.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.