Mom is resisting help from our family, any suggestions?

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My mom is 85, still lives in her mobile home, is frail and falling more often lately, and is really resisting all help.I live 15 miles and work 35 miles from her. My nephew has lived with her for a few years, but is reaching the end of HIS rope because she can be really snippy. I have asked her repeatedly to move in with my family for every reason, including my own peace of mind, but she just doesn't want to move. I think she is struggling with the loss of control (she has always been hugely controlling), and I am trying to work around this. She would NEVER consider going to assisted living or, heaven forbid, a nursing home. We are looking into home nursing care a few hours a day. Does anyone have any other suggestions?

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Really feel for you as im in same position but currently living with my mum who just had her first week in respite and hated it. she has said she will not go into a home BUT we are in the process of getting her tested for dementia? I am sick with worry and am attending stress therapy I want to move on from here and get some sort of a life?? I cannot do this until my mum is sorted IF she outright refuses to move and has dementia we may have to get a court order? I really dont know whats ahead and wont get any answers until we have diagnosis a very stressful time.
My only advice is start with carers coming in and see how she copes with them. Its easy for people to say stop worrying but my health has suffered alot from worry so I am getting to a stage that "if something happens it happens?" we cant run thier lives for them and the fact that your mum does not have any mental issues its hard to take control. This is the hardest part taking control of someones life when they refuse to let go of thier independence my mum was robbed a few wks ago they took everything cleaned her bank out BUT she still will not let me control her money?? so stressful! I am starting to fall back and let it go a bit? I have to as the stress is too much, old people become so stubborn when they are being controlled and my mum just gets aggressive?
let us know how you get on and TRY not to worry so much you make yourself ill we are doing our best and thats all we can do!!
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OMG, yes! Not observation, just admittance. If she gets admitted and stays for three days, then she can go to rehab. These are the days I wish I was retired already. But those days are 10 years away.
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Oh it never gets better does it.. Only worse... I've been reading a lot on here about "observation" hospital stay and it makes me nervous that if they put her in hospital for observation her medicare will not pay.. Make sure they admit her, so you don't get socked with the bill...
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Thank you all for your input. The therapist and nurses have been coming for an hour or so daily, and my nephew has taken over giving her her medications so we know she takes them properly. However, now she is not eating or drinking enough to sustain her for very long. Says she is not hungry because she isn't doing anything to work up an appetite or she doesn't like what is made. We bring her food but she eats only some of it. And she isn't drinking the water we bring, beyond what she drinks with her meds while we watch. Can I ask she be admitted to the hospital and then rehab to make sure she receives proper nutrition, hydration, and to build up her strength, or does she have to collapse first? To say we are confused over what to do would be an understatement. Feels like we're stuck in neutral.
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So happy to hear of your progress Rascal12! Start preparing now for future events...Best wishes.
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I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Unfortunately, as long as your mom is convinced she's okay and is of sound mind, there's nothing you can do about it. But what you can do is this - stop worrying about her so much. If she needs help, surely she will let you know when she wants or needs it (unless she has dementia or something). That's her choice to live by herself - but it is also your choice that you do not have to be so worried about her. If that makes you feel more comfortable about her being alone in her mobile home - get her an alert necklace that calls 911. The alert necklace is very soothing knowing if she were to fall, at least she can call for help. So you can still honor your mother's independence and wait until she decides that maybe she needs more help. You are a good person but you cannot make her do what you think is best unless there's a mental reason. Good luck!!
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Rascal, it sounds like you've got some great steps going with the approval of a visiting nurse, home care and PT. My mom has a nurse that comes once a month and she loves her and looks forward to her visits. Maybe if the nurse and PT people can recommend help to her, she'll be more receptive. Oftentimes parents won't listen to us kids, but they will listen to doctors or other healthcare professionals - go figure! Ha!

It's certainly hard for your mom at this stage in her life (and equally if not more difficult for you as a bystander). I hope for you both that she softens about the idea of help with the additional resources you're bringing in and she'll be willing to get the help she needs.
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No, she has not been declared incompetent but does have some short term memory deficits. If she was content I would be less likely to try to intervene. However, she is miserable (her words), lonely, and struggling daily with her meds, nutrition, and mobility. My concern is for her safety, well being, and the overall quality of her life. So yes, I guess I am guilty of trying to control the situation to some degree.

I just found out our request for a visiting nurse, some home care, and physical therapy have been approved by her doctor. I hope she is encouraged enough to work with the caregivers, which may go a ways in keeping her in her home a bit longer.
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You don't mention if she has dementia. She has every right to stay in her home, live her life the way she wants, and your nephew doesn't have to stay there if he does not want to either. You say she is controlling, but you are trying to control how she lives too. As a nurse, I can tell you if she is frail and falling, she has osteoporosis (brittle bones) and her bones are snapping, then she is falling. Her eyesight may be compromised too, and she is tripping on rugs, bumping into coffee tables, counters, etc. But, unless she has been certified as incompetent by a physician, you can only worry about her. Does that do your health any good? You have two choices as I see it. Leave her be, with only loving comments, or try to force her into other living arrangements and suffer the consequences of your actions. My prayers will be with all of you.
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