Mom's resistant to having a daily caregiver and argumentative when I call to remind her. Should I call to remind her or not?

I don't think you will be able to continue with this routine. Your Mother's forgetting is the disease, not her fault. Good that you are calling every morning to remind her, but don't expect a change in her being argumentative. Still, maintain making the reminder calls, regardless. If she is mid stage and it will only get worse, I would start to look at other alternatives. Can you move her into your house, and maintain the caregiver. If not, and as things progress, it is only a matter of time before something more has to be addressed, in terms of her care. This is a difficult situation to manage. I understand your stress level and why. I did something similar to this myself, but ultimately, I had to move my Mother in with me. Assisited living would have only been a temporary bandaide, and would have probably quickly lead to the nursing facility unit...and was unaffordable for any extended length of time. It's your choice to move her in with you and still maintain the caregiver coming to your residence. I think you will find that this will settle her down quite a bit, and alllow her more safety and peace of mind. It will not be an easy journey for you as things progress, however, an alternative solution for the time being. Yes...continue to make the reminder calls. You have to. Marco40

Marco, hope you don't mind me asking, but do you work and leave your mom with the caregiver in your home? I'm thinking this will be the next step for mom and I. I need to work for the next 4-5 years at least. I don't intend to move into her home and know she couldn't make it for long in an assisted living unit before they'd move her into a nursing facility unit. I'm thinking this would be a good thing for her, not so sure it would be for me, ha-ha, but having the caregiver would help immensely, of course.

Call the agency that hires the caregiver and give them instructions as to what you want the caregiver to do. Most are trained in resistive patients, and if not, get an agency who can send someone who has experience with dementia patients. Might be time to consider another living arrangement like an assistive home for your mother, and some meds for her anxiety that comes with dementia. Talk to her doctor for sure!

I started with them bringing meals to Mom daily and eventually staying. I was there the first few times to welcome her in and get her to know Mom a bit. She may or may not open the door, but maybe you can call her and say you have a friend dropping off a meal or newspaper, anything. Good Luck, been there, done that, its tough but gets tougher so hang tight.

Cindyoh, not sure I understand your question. I worked out of the house, and could keep an eye on her. When I left for an apt., I brought in a caregiver, and on other ocassions when I needed more help. My Mom was under Hospice care for the last twelve months of her life. She died late Oct 2012.

If you are off to work, outside of your residence, maybe an option would be, as I noted, to move her in with you. Otherwise, you move in with her if you want to keep her away from Assisted living/nursing. And continue on with the caregiver. I am curious as to what is being paid to the caregiver on a daily basis, because this would also have an impact on decisions in moving forward. Also, do you have any family members that provide help, and to what extent...or are you doing managing this all my yourself?

You answered my question - I take it you moved her into your home, kept working (full time?) and yes, when you left your house, you'd have a caregiver. Yes, my goal is to keep her from an assisted living/nursing home, and I would try to do the same if possible.

No paid caregiver involved yet. I do have a brother, sister and niece, nobody else actually much involved but me right now, no great need just yet. Mom is still able to function in her own home at this point as long as I see her daily, give her her meds, see that she's eaten, take her out daily in her car for a few hours and keep her a bit entertained (she doesn't drive anymore). I'm her POA and have done her "paperwork" for years (dad's been gone 10 years now). I walk through her house daily, check the fridge, etc. She knows full well she can move in with me anytime but fights me on this and most other things, which is fine for now, we're managing. She can afford to have someone else cut her grass, etc., I refuse to take care of her outdoor work; I have my own which is more than enough. I have been able to work from home as a medical transcriber full time second shift for many years; that will unfortunately end soon due to technology/being outsourced to India. I'm currently training to be a CNA; too young to retire, need to continue to work full time, have a mortgate, need insurance. More info than you need here, sorry. It appears things went fairly smoothly for you with your mom in your home with caregivers, and she was fortunate to have you. Even though I'm training to be a CNA myself, I'm thinking there's no way I could find a company that would gainfully employ me to care for my own mom, but haven't done the homework on that one. I'd get her a caregiver and probably be employed in a LTCF myself in the evenings till I can retire.

Cindyoh,

No, nothing goes smoothly. You need to get your brother, sister an niece involved. And no, in the last two to three years, I was only able to spend a limited amount of time on my business. I would get up very early to get some peace and get some things done. I did this by myself, excepting the outside caregivers I hired, that was a Mother and daughter team. Outside agencies did not present the flexibility I needed...and the intial person (caregiver) could change next week. Not a good thing when, like your Mother is used to and gets along with a particular caregiver. Then the reorientation period starts all over again. My Mother was also diabetic, so it took a watchful eye. You are doing a great job in what you've done, but you are going to need additional help, and/or someone your Mother trusts and can be entertained by. I still suggest you move her into your house if you want to maintain your mission. And trust me, it will be rough, but better than the other potential options..at least for right now. Your Mother still has a quality of life, which many people that don't want to get involved, lable or say "what is her quality of life". You are doing the right things, to the best of your abilities...but try and get family much more involved. FYI, I am developing a website and a video, and writing a book as to my experience(s) with this devastating disease. You see, in the last many years, my Mother confused me with many of her deceased brothers, her Mother and Father. I had to pThe website address is www.eyes-n-ears.net, but has not yet been published. Keep in touch. I'll help to answer your questions as best I can, based on my experience. Hang in there...Mark