Mom removed me from HIPPA/visitation after long illness. Won't let me back. No what?

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I was becoming physically ill from her behavior/abuse. Have been Moms caregiver since she retired. In December 2014 she was hospitalized, not expected to live but I stayed with her through the night and she made it. After, she and I participated in the long string of d/c to rehabs, back to the hospital, total of 6 transfers. During the last rehab stay Mom requested I "gift" her neighbor $1,000 from her meager bank account. As advised prior to Moms admit in December "if you ever have questions, call my attorney", so I did. Her attorney said it was illegal to do so as the monies needed to be available in the event of her death to pay bills, etc. against her estate. This did not please Mom and as she had been non compliant in most of the long past 5 years of her care, been verbally abusive to me and overwhelming with her constant demands when I was not with her (calls almost every day up to 5 a day), I began having panic attacks and physical manifestations of being over stressed. Two of my MD's said I needed to back away for a bit but there was no one else (my older sister out of state and disabled). Out of the blue after a shopping quest for Mom with my oldest son (he had not been in good standing with Mom but I convinced her to "give him some time to prove himself" and she let him back in) she calls me, accuses me of having her locked in the rehab (she signed herself in) and having her drugged! After that she refused to talk with me, removed me from the HIPPA until she could find another attorney and get a new power of attorney. My son won't try and help me ease the relationship as I did with him "that's between you and her", nor will he call me and tell me how she is doing. I gave her some time and space hoping she might in time reconsider but instead has picked up my son (we are no longer talking) and the neighbor she wanted to gift the money to. My doctors and therapist encourage me to "stay away" as my BP is better (on medication) and my mental status is also much better (was diagnosed in early 20's with a disorder Mom never would admit I had but used against me to cause agitation/stress). Most days are ok but I love my mother despite the stress and feel terrible that I cannot see or talk with my Mom. Anyone have any comments, recommendations? BTW, the neighbor she has replaced me with and I were never "close" and the illness, her deceptions have made any desire to contact her stressful for me. She in turn will not contact me nor my sister with updates/help. There is a possible desire on her part to attach to my Mom as she has a very ill husband, has not worked in decades and would benefit financially if she pushes my sister and I out so she can get the remnants of my Moms life, possibly even her paid off house when Mom passes. I want nothing from Mom except her love! Something she gave very little of to me as a child and also as an adult.

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Amelia, you are a very generous person, but your health, husband and family must come first. Absolutely stay clear of her life - toxic people like your mom do incredible damage. The problem is not you, it is her. I doubt that she knows how to love. Don't look for blood from a turnip.
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Thank you both, gladimhere and littletonway for your responses! In my heart and mind, I knew that my behavior (staying away) was the right choice BUT the guilt instilled over years of Mom's brainwashing left me questioning the sanity of my decision. As most of my Mom's family have preceded her in death, my other family and I have not been close for a very long time (cousins and such) the only feedback is from my hubby and youngest son. Of course they agree with your responses but they love me and are so glad to see the improvement in my health and well being I gave pause to wonder , "are their statements subjective or as objective as I want?". Thus, my posting on this board for some truly objective feedback. The only things I ever wanted were a few small items that belonged to my Dad (he and I were very close) who passed when I was 17. Since she gave those items to me years ago I have no interest in the home, furniture or any other items. As she was a bit of a hoarder, I always dreaded the day I would have to go through her "stuff" in order to prepare the house for sale. Truly a relief I won't have to be involved with this. She has some of my items that she never got around to returning to me, plus a set of roll away beds I paid her for several years ago but truly not worth becoming involved at the time she passes to inquire about from "whomever" she has replaced my sister and I with as executors of her will. Thanks again!
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Amelia, I agree with the therapists just stay away. From what you say, I think I personally would be relieved. Are you concerned about her meager assets. It sounds as if all she has is her house. Is she on Medicaid? Medicaid will lein the house to pay for her care, so that probably will not be left when she passes either. If someone tries to sell it, the Medicaid lein will show up.

You are feeling better with no contact and no knowledge. Sounds as if everybody is better off with it that way. Send her flowers or a card occasionally. Maybe she will change her mind but I am afraid it is going to have to be her idea. Be patient, pressuring others for information or contact will get you nowhere.
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I would listen to the therapist and stay away. Why put your health at risk in the hopes your Mother will suddenly start loving you the you want. It is not going to happen. You did what you thought was right, Mom didn't like it and you need to get on with your life. Your Mom is a very toxic person. Good luck!
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