Mom's in rehab and can either be discharged to assisted living, or live with me with a daily home health aide a few hours a day.

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(She has about a week left of Medicare coverage for her stay where she is now.) My problem is that my brother is POA and would be responsible for covering those home health care expenses. I told him it would be about 2400 a month. (We're renting a 500/mo. studio for her near me where I would spend the afternoons and also sleep there. My own house is not an option.) The aides would be there in the mornings. Last week he said he was in agreement with that plan. Yesterday I talked with him and suddenly he's saying he doesn't know if there would be enough money to cover that. I know for a fact that my mother's monthly income would definitely cover it, but he keeps claiming that it won't because of all these "so -called' bills. So I'm afraid that if I jump into this situation, being dependent on him as far as coming up with the funds every month (rent, aides, and her daily support), he could easily say, on any given month, "well, there's not enough for the monthly support for her this month", and leave me in the lurch! I'm on disability, I can't support her on that! It's barely enough for me to make it month to month as it is! I don't want to put mom in assisted living, but it would be at least as much if not more than the amount I told my brother! And the thing is, of course, if the agreement/contract was made between him and an actual facility, he wouldn't be able to screw around. But he would be with me! And I know him too well! Somehow I feel like I'm going to get the brunt of this. Shouldn't I be writing up some kind of contract (and what kind?), or wouldn't that matter anyway, unless it was done by an attorney? And what consequences would he even have to worry about if he didn't come forth with the amount stated in the contract? He lives in a different state, where my mom was too until she came to my state. I don't want mom in an nh, but I need some security before deciding to do 24/7 home care. I have healthcare POA, but wouldn't his financial POA status override that? I'm sure everyone will say 'go to an elder care atty.' but I have limited funds! This whole thing makes me furious, since I'm the one who would be doing most of the work and I sure don't need all this extra hassle!

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Perhaps it is best to let your Bro put her in a facility since he has her has financial POA. But in whose state? He gets to oversee the finances, but you will be overseeing the medical care since you have the Medical POA. If you want to be around to keep tabs on her treatment and general well-being at the facility, then
perhaps he will agree to keep her near you. I can tell you from experience that having my Mom in a NH has taken a great load off my mind and shoulders, but I am still actively overseeing her care. One thing to keep foremost in your mind as you go through this placement process, is to be very careful not to sign any documents on behalf of your mother as you do not have DPOA, because you do not want to end up personally financially responsible for your mother's debts if/when money runs out. If your Bro wants to keep the DPOA then he is going to have to step up and be present to sign all the documents for her placement in a facility. As for him having the DPOA, he needs to be very careful and keep accurate records of where her money is being spent. He will not have the excuse of needing to hold onto her money for "all her bills", since the facility will eat up the majority of it and whatever is left over will be for her personal needs only. The best scenario might be if he turns over the financial POA to you, and then he does not have to worry about any major responsibilities. If you do get it, be sure you always sign POA after your name on any documents you need to sign on behalf of your Mom. Last little brainstorm - you probably qualify for free legal aide in your state. If I were in your place, I would check with the county legal aide services and speak to an Elder Law attorney ASAP.
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I'm going to try and be optimistic! And grateful that there's still time to be with my mother, where ever she is. There's only so much one can do..... it's funny, but this reminds me so much of a situation that happened years ago, that probably only a divorced woman could relate to. I was still nursing my 2 and 1/2 year old when my husband and I split up, and he had visitation. I hadn't intended on weaning her that soon, but he basically forced me to, so that she could spend nights at his place on visitation weekends. Weird the way those two things seem related..... having to decide to let a man's power over you change your life....
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thanks to all who have answered my question. it is so much appreciated! and just as an aside, in response to jinx4740 , I DID already contact Adult Protective Services, and the repercussions were almost not worth having done it! Not only that, they didn't do any good anyway! Personally I think they are a wimpy agency, sorry. And to answer katiekat2009, she's in late stage dementia but hasn't been officially declared incompetent, but I can see world war 3 coming if she was able to change the POA to me instead of my brother! I think the best answer is to just let him be Mr. Big POA and let him deal with the AL facility. It's a real shame that some family members are such pigs that they force you to have to make these kinds of decisions, but so be it.
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There's no way I would go into that type of arrangement. I am my mom's DPOA for financial and healthcare. First of all, don't bring her home from the Rehab. Have them contact him for what to do. He can them make arrangements for her to go into AL or come get her and take her home. Act like you are out of the picture so he has to do more. You can still be her daughter and visit and help out. But, if he is going to call the shots, then he needs to suffer the consequences. You didn't mention your mom's mental ability. Can she appoint a new POA?
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You're in a really tough spot. You can at least get free advice from your local area council on aging. You should also contact the council in the state where your Mom lived, and where your brother lives. As a last resort, you could go to Adult Protective Services and accuse him of financial abuse, but that would destroy any good will between you.

Can you calmly discuss with him what plan he thinks would work? Try to talk to him as a member of the "taking care of Mom" team. You both share the same goal. (Ideally, at least.) How much money is there available for her care? Can she get by with a little less HHC? Will he pay the aide or agency himself? Then he can't "screw around" with them.

I think a contract or at least a written plan is a good idea. You can write up all the expenses that you will be in charge of, like food, rent, and Depends, so he will understand what you need from him to take care of her. Not to give to him, but for yourself, you should write up a budget for yourself, so that you can say, "I have $17 dollars a month that I can contribute to her spending money, but the rest of my income goes to fixed expenses." If you know your own bottom line, then it will be easier to stick to it.

This won't be easy. Good luck to you.
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What a difficult situation to be in. It sounds to me like the best thing for all of you is to find a good AL community for your mother to call Home. I believe your mother could receive better care and supervision than what she will get in the studio. She will also have access to a variety of social advantages and stimulation of all kinds with the activities, dining, health services and overall communal living. Many people adjust and even thrive in AL. You will have peace of mind knowing she is properly cared for. You can visit as much or as little as suits you. Your brother could sign all the papers and you will be relieved of these financial matters. There are many good AL facilities these days. I help people sort these things out and help them find the best living arrangements for their loved ones. The studio option just doesn't sound good for anyone involved.
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