Follow
Share

My father, her husband of over 71 years passed away and my mother fell apart. I was against the idea but she wouldn't listen. So she put herself in a home nearby which was very depressing but did have the care and people surrounding her that she wanted. Now, 2 1/2 years later, she has regrets. She is 97 but is mentally fine and walks with a walker. It has been sad, however, to watch the decline that came in the nursing home. Now, the nursing home has changed management and has taken a nosedive. The food is not fit for consumption; the pleasure of visiting entertainment has stopped, much of the long time (20 year) staff has left and basic care has diminished.
Something as simple as drinking coffee from styrofoam cups, which the residents enjoy, is no longer allowed. I've heard this from my mother, other
residents and staff of past and present. Plus, I've seen much of it.
What to do? I've asked my mother if she wants to move. She gives me mixed messages but always has been this way. My one sibling will not speak with me and will not allow my mother, she and I to be together in the same room. And, my mother will not ask her to and makes excuses to me. (I've written of this before) My thoughts at the moment are to call Elder Care Sercvices and also to locate the Ombudsman. I've left messages. Any other suggestions will be much appreciated. I look forward to your support. Thank you all.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
If basic care has diminished, go talk to the Ombudsman and the Elder Care Services. That is what they are there for. Basic care affects all the patients and can have great ramifications on health. If you can not get the basic care problem solved in short order, start asking around for references to the best facility possible. A Residential Care Facility may be better for her as well. Always have a backup plan in case one facility does not work out. That way you know were to go if you need to move her. Contact your local Agency on Aging as well. They may have some good information for you on other facilities.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Bringing my mother home with me is not an option. I live in a small apt on the 3rd floor of a walk up.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thank you for your responses. First of all; I've seen all of this. It's not just hearsay.
Staff didn't complain to me. I asked. Part of the problem has been a series of changes in management and a refurbishing of the building. Residents have been told that the cutbacks, in everything including staff, is because the money has gone into refurbishment costs. The food is not just a matter of salt. I've seen it and tasted it as a person who is nutritionally educated; I can say that it is bad.
And yes, the care has diminished. I've also seen that. Yes, I can and will buy styrofoam cups; at least for my mother and her roommate. About getting together with my sister and the Ombudsman; impossible. The court had helped me with a 'Protection of Abuse Order" (in my behalf) and requested that we meet with a mediator. She, my sister, had a tantrum and refused. That's when the judge wrote the Order. She, and my mother, know that it's me that takes action and responsibility. And maybe that's what I'm struggling with: a lifelong issue of feeling responsible for my parents' wellbeing. My mother doesn't have friends for me to speak with but I did speak with her roommate; a woman who never complains about anything. In this case she was very upset about all the changes.
This is not a fancy nursing home but it did have high ratings and a waiting list because of the care. Now their are many empty beds. The word is out and no one wants to come there. And finally; yes, my mother is the one who mentioned moving and is looking to me for what to do. I do know where she might go but if it doesn't work out; all falls on me and my sister remains 'innocent'.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If mom does not have a desire to move, let her be. It might be a good idea for you and your sister to meet, with an ombudsman as a referee.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I'm not sure what you're struggling with. Moving your mom to another facility vs bringing her home with you?

And calling the Ombudsman because of the decline in care at the nursing home? Calling the Elder Care Services would be for the same thing, the new management running the facility into the ground?

After my mom died my dad made a very rash decision to go back to where he was from growing up and live down there. He was there 18 months and was miserable but had sold his house here already and had nowhere to go. It's never a good idea to make a major life decision within at least a year of losing a spouse. But I couldn't stop my dad from leaving anymore than you could have probably stopped your mom from moving.

If your mom moves, what are her options? What do you want to see happen? I guess a little more detail would help.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

What are her friends in the nursing home doing? Will they be moving or staying on? If they are staying on, that could be the reason your mother is hesitant to wanting to move elsewhere.

My mother who is 96 still lives in her own home with Dad who is now 93. In the past 2-3 years I have seen quite a decline in both.... so it doesn't matter if they are in a nursing home or still in their own home. Once a person is in their 90's, every year is like five years of aging.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I guess I'd see if there was anything I could do to address mom's specific concerns...like the styrofoam cups. Why is this the "new rule?" If it's a matter of cost? Personally? I'd offer to buy them. Cost $34 for 1,000. Just looked it up.

How bad IS the food? When mom was in the nursing home, it was just fine. Tasted bland because they have to cater to the great many people who have congestive heart failure, so salt is slim and none. But they had salt packets. Is it a question of that?

Programs. Who's in charge of that? If no one is, can you volunteer to put programs together for them? Or help out the staff member in charge of that? Is this a problem your mom is expressing to you or your observation?

I'm not sure I'd listen to staff. The staff there, like everywhere, hates change. I wonder how and why they are complaining to you. Is it one staff member? All of them?

You've complained here about styrofoam cups, the food and entertaining programs. Work on those with staff.

What you DIDN'T complain about is telling. You didn't complain about the care they're giving your mom.

I'd be hesitant to move mom, honestly. Sometimes we go from the frying pan into the fire quite by accident. I'd try to tweak the system first.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter