My Mom needs medical care and is refusing to go to the doctor. What are my options?

Follow
Share

She is 86, hearing and vision loss, heart failure and COPD patient. She has been ill for over a week and not wanting to get out of bed much or eat enough. She claims her problem is hemorrhoids but she admitted today that it has never been this bad in her life before. I convinced her to let me make an appointment for tomorrow for "nerve pills" but what if she refuses to go? Can I get an ambulance to take her? I don't have POA

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
14

Answers

Show:
I met a hospice nurse today when they were again trying to discharge my mom. She found a good reason for them to keep her and told me a statement to use to stand my ground and keep her in until certain humane conditions are met or we know why they can't be. I feel so grateful to her nurses, especially the one today. I also feel grateful for those of you who are letting me learn from the benefit of your experience. This is so helpful and encouraging as only all of you can know.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Me1000, are you saying that if Lynn went home with her mom using a catheter, Lynn would have to be the one to change it? I think I'm spoilt. My dad has been on a catheter for about a year now. The home care nurse comes once a month to change it. I'm soooo glad that they do because every time I come home, I find the old catheter out, and when I change his pamper, it's bloody. Uhm... I have found out with my mom, that I cannot push a foreign object into a person. I'd rather dad pays for the nurse to come and do it for us. They charge Medicare $115.00 per visit, and the 20% to his other insurance.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You did the right thing by standing up to the Dr's. First of all, some people have allergic reactions to medications, my grandfather did too. Taking her home in her state would not have been good for any of you. Second, you should know what the catheter is for, and even then, you haven't done one before, so she should have a home healthcare nurse coming in and changing it until you feel comfortable.

You did the right thing for your mom and are doing a wonderful job so far! Good luck on the medical POA.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I had to go against doctors today. They gave her something while my dad was sitting with her and she's been crazy every since. Really crazy. So the doctor came and said to take her home and manage her catheter on my own but I told him would never put her in that kind of danger. We don't even know why she needs the cath yet.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Yes, keep asking and being an advocate for your loved one. I've had to go against doctors (usually with nurses supporting me behind the doc's back) and to speak up for my mom's care many many times. It's par for the course. So don't feel bad or apologize if you need to be persistent. Keep educating yourself and you'll be surprised at how much you learn!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

More good advice, to let the professionals show me the ropes. Today a social worker at the hospital was giving me some kind of runaround but the nurse said we can still get her evaluated for either hospice or palliative care and go from there. Today, to me, the doctor and the social worker seemed reluctant to even consider either, but at least I know enough to keep asking.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

When my mom got diagnosed with dementia, everything was new for us. At the time, I was working full time and living at home. When I became part-time, I stayed home and watched the govt caregiver clean mom. I learned a lot from watching and asking questions. They were very happy to share their knowledge. When mom could no longer walk, they showed us how to transfer mom from the bed to the wheelchair, etc... when mom became bedridden, I watched as the sponge bath mom. How they turned her, put a lifter blanket to help one person to move her left/right sides, etc... What I'm trying to say is that since caregiving is soooo new for you, this would be the best time to watch and learn. Just be upfront with them and explain that you want to learn so that you can do that when she's home. They would be happy to share this with you. And they always throw in some great tips that they learned.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I'm glad your mom is in the hospital. That will give you a breather to let the professionals take care of her while you plan your next steps. Come back here often and just browse topics. There's a LOT of terrific information on this site for newer caregivers. Let us know how your mom is doing. Hang in there, we all started as new caregivers. I've been doing it for 13 years, so have been through a lot of experience (like a lot of other caregivers on this site).
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Thank you for explaining about POA. I agree, you're right. It makes a lot of sense. I wish I had already known to consider it before something like this happened.

Things didn't go exactly as planed with the doctor. She seemed delirious with pain, I got her to agree to let me take her to ER and then called an ambulance. It took a long time of course in ER but she has been admitted and she truly needed the help. I am in contact with the home health care representative and determined that we are going to find a solution for a better quality of care for her than just one daughter, me, who has been learning I go.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If you get through this episode and get mom evaluated, you need to work on getting a Power of Attorney (POA) in place for her healthcare. Also for your dad, if he doesn't have one set up. Do it before it gets to the emergency stage. Same as for POA for property. Someone in your family needs to be able to step in and make health and property decisions for your parents when they're no longer able to.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.